


Open My Eyes

by bekochan



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU, Agoraphobia, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blindness, Everyone Has Issues, Explicit Language, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Malec, Panic Attacks, Supportive Alexander Lightwood, background saphael, more tags will be added I'm sure
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-11
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2018-08-08 00:59:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 68,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7736890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bekochan/pseuds/bekochan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Magnus wakes up and can't see, Catarina whisks him away to the New York Institute to find out what the hell is going on.</p><p> </p><p>Characters and such belong to Cassandra Clare</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is in an AU where the Circle had a very different idea of things and was successful in taking over the Clave. They were for Downworlders equal rights and decided it was a more noble cause to care for them and humans rather than look down on them. 
> 
> Alec was raised in a loving and open, if not overprotective, family.
> 
> Personal note- Research on blindness is first-hand experience as I am legally blind and spent time at a training center. During my time there I kept thinking what would Magnus do in this situation so that's where this came from.

Something was wrong.

Magnus knew from the headache pounding his skull that he was, in fact, awake. He could tell from the cotton in his mouth that he may have partied too hard the night before. The warmth of the sun hit the side of his face so he was pretty sure it was late in the morning. He groaned as he rolled over to the window by the bed and opened his eyes to see just how late of a morning it was.

But there was nothing.

He blinked a few times then rubbed at them with both hands hoping to wake himself more making sure his eyes actually opened this time.

Nothing.

He put his hands up onto the window to make sure the curtains weren’t in the way and could feel the warmth through the glass.

Everything was dark.

What the fuck is going on, he thought. He scrambled away from the window as if it was the problem and almost fell off the other side.

“What the fuck!?” he said out loud to the room. He lifted his hands and curled some magic around his fingers and tried to tear away at whatever might have been shielding him. He tried every spell he remembered that may help but to no avail. He couldn’t see anything.  
He sat in stunned shock for a while. He pulled his knees up to his chest and pressed his face on them. Cold wetness on his knees made him realize that tears were streaming down his face.

“What the hell is going on?” he mumbled into his flesh. He felt Chairman Meow jump up next to him, bumping his head against his leg and purring. Magnus sighed. He absent mindedly swung a hand flicking some magic to fill the cat bowl with food. The dry food sounded like it scattered on the floor rather than in the metal bowl. He felt Chairman take a moment to scowl at him before jumping off the bed to retrieve his brunch.

“Why didn’t that work right?” he said to the room. He snapped his fingers to retrieve his cell phone from where he thought he left it last night. In his hand was suddenly a shot glass with something sticky on the rim. A split second image of his entourage grouped around his table laughing and pouring shots of watermelon schnapps. He shuddered in embarrassment. He really was beyond drunk if he was willing to drink that foul stuff.

He tried to think where he might have left his cell phone but could not remember and each time he tried to summon it a different item would show up in his hand. A hair brush from the vanity, a book on symbolism he recognized from the indents on the cover he had been reading the other day from the nightstand, a half-eaten bowl of nachos from the kitchen counter that made him feel a little queasy when he tried to figure out what it was. His eyebrows raised when next a pair of underwear fell into his lap from the living room. He wasn’t sure if they were his or not and wasn’t sure if he really cared.

He was getting angry now.

Thankfully a distant muffled sound reached his ears from the entryway. He grinned when he recognized the song. Ragnor hated that a piece of felt with a human hand in it singing about the downside of being green was how Magnus knew he was calling. Magnus laughed for about half an hour when he had Ragnor dial his number while he was sitting next to him.

He crawled off of the bed being careful to avoid everything but finding that his shins really wanted to say hello to each piece of furniture as he made his way to the entryway. He swore loudly and blew a lamp to pieces when he walked into it face first. When the hell did I put that there? he thought.

Finally making it to where his coat hung on a hook he dug in the pockets to grab the buzzing phone. He held it for a moment and frowned. He remembered the vicinity of the button to answer and stabbed at the screen hoping he was right.

“Where the hell are you?” Ragnor’s annoyed voice brought a small sigh of relief out of Magnus. “We were to meet for lunch today but you apparently forgot.”

“Ragnor, dear heart,” Magnus said trying to keep his voice calm, “please kindly get over that faux pas on my part and get your green ass here. Something is not right and I may have actually screwed something up.”

“Well, if you’re admitting something like that then it must be serious. I’ll be there promptly. We’ll chat some more about your inability to keep meetings later,” Ragnor said and hung up.

Magnus pressed the lock button and dropped the phone back into his coat pocket. He shuffled slowly into the living room trying to avoid new bruises on his already tenderized shins. Reaching out with both hands in front of him he finally found the couch. With a grumble he flopped onto the cushions. He fumbled around for one of his throw blankets and when finding one he wrapped himself in it. He wasn’t particularly cold but the comfort it brought was soothing some nerves.

 

 

Ragnor found Magnus wrapped up in one of his hideously pink and white cheetah print throw blankets asleep on the couch. He looked around the room and saw how each piece of furniture looked as if they’d been jostled around. Vases of flowers were knocked over onto their sides. He spotted the remnants of what may have been a tall lamp. He walked around the apartment silently searching for more abnormalities. He jumped back when something below his feet crunched. Looking down he saw the fluffy cat staring at him angrily at the fact he was standing in a pile of cat food. He glanced in through the open bedroom door and saw it cluttered with random items.

“What a disaster,” he said with a sigh. He turned to see Magnus slowly sitting up and rubbing his eyes much more roughly than he should.

“Ragnor? Is that you?” Magnus said sleepily.

“Yes and what happened here? Another party I see,” Ragnor said as he sifted through the shot glasses and half-eaten food on small plates scattered on the coffee table and kitchen counter. “I’m guessing your new bunch of amusements got rowdy. You should really be more selective, Magnus.”

“Oddly enough, Ragnor, most of this is not the result of a party,” Magnus said with a voice filled with sadness, “I’m afraid it was me trying to get to my damn phone.”

Ragnor raised an eyebrow and said, “It’s been awhile since you were still that drunk in the morning.”

“I wish it were something like that. I just can’t see anything,” Magnus said matter-of-factly.

“What?” Ragnor said with a confused twist to his mouth.

“I can’t see a damn thing. Everything is dark. I woke up like this. I tried everything I could think of and nothing is helping. I have no idea what to do and it’s kind of freaking me out. I can’t even do magic properly. I kept grabbing random things when I was trying to get my phone,” Magnus rambled, speaking faster to a panic filled voice.

Ragnor’s eyes grew large with realization and moved over to sit next to his old friend.

“Let me see.” The green-skinned warlock reached over to Magnus’ face and gently pulled his face towards him by the chin. Magnus opened his eyes towards Ragnor. His breath caught for a second before he regained composure.

“What? What’s wrong? What do you see?” Magnus asked impatiently.

Ragnor took a deep breath. “Well,” he said studying the eyes staring blankly at him, “your glamour isn’t up for one.”

“And?” prompted Magnus.

“I can see something like a coating or film that’s covered them. They’re still your natural color but they seem to be dulled,” Ragnor said squinting at them. “What did you do last night?”

“Nothing!” Magnus yelled in exasperation. “Well, nothing out of the ordinary.”

“Hmm, well first thing’s first, I’m calling Catarina.” Ragnor said standing up and pulling out his phone.

 

 

Catarina stood in front of Magnus with her blue hands holding his face. She looked intently at his eyes.

“What did you do last night?” she asked.

“NOTHING!” Magnus yelled pulling back his head out of her grasp and collapsing on the couch again. “I've done nothing out of the ordinary for me.”

“Well, then it could be anything,” Ragnor said. “Still filling your time with debauched parties I assume. Covering yourself with Seelies and Vampires of course.”

Magnus glared in Ragnor’s direction.

“If you must know It's been mostly gloriously fit mortals who seem to be able to keep up with me better than you can.” He stretched out into a proud repose, spreading out his arms on the back of the couch.

“Clearly, your age has just caught up with you,” Ragnor said patting Magnus on the shoulder. Magnus jumped at his touch.

“Well, this is all very amusing but if neither of you can offer anything of significance then maybe I should seek help elsewhere. Like into the caring arms of a werewolf,” Magnus said scowling. He pulled his knees back up under his chin.

“Magnus,” Catarina said softly as she sat down next to him. “I’m sorry. This really isn’t funny. I can tell something serious has happened. Why don’t you come back with me to the Institute and we’ll have a proper look at you.”

“The Shadowhunters? Now I know you’re joking.” Magnus stood up from the couch and tried storming off to his room but instead fell over the coffee table landing on his side. He rolled over and clutched his bruised shin and groaned.

“Serves you right for bad mouthing my coworkers. You know they reverted to being called Nephilim after the Circle rose up and overthrew the Clave. They’re more concerned with the health and well-being of downworlders now.” Catarina reached over to help Magnus back up. She flicked her wrist and the pain in his shin vanished.

“I know,” he said still rubbing at his shin more at the dignity lost than anything else. “Fine. But you, dear Cabbage must take care of Chairman Meow for being so mean to me.”

Ragnor looked down at the cat who took a moment to open an eye from his slumber to level a hard stare at the warlock in warning. Ragnor sneered at the thing and said, “Yes, this should end well for all those involved.”

 

 

After an hour of fighting with Catarina about his clothing choices and a brief discussion of how there was no way she would attempt to put makeup on him they left for the Institute. Ragnor waved a half wave as he got down to the business of cleaning every surface that offended him. Catarina held onto Magnus’ right arm and led him down the stairs carefully. He gripped her arm tightly and slowly shuffled down the stairs as if descending into a pool of lava.

“It’s ok, Magnus. This is nothing new, you’ve been down these stairs a million and two times. You should be quite familiar with them by now,” Catarina assured him.

“That’s easy enough for you to say,” Magnus said trying to hide the fear in his voice. “How do I know someone hasn’t put a roller skate on the stair? How do I know someone hasn’t stuck a nail up through the floorboard?”

“I think that’s the last time you watch Home Alone, Magnus,” Catarina said in exasperation. “And since when have their been children in this building? You’re overthinking things. It’s scary so you’re imagination is going wild.”

Magnus scrunched up his face to show the sheer amount of annoyance he was having with her.

“Don’t look at me like that, you’re the one who got yourself into this mess in the first place,” she scolded.

Magnus sighed and continued down the stairs, trying to treat them less like the booby traps he perceived them to be and remember they were just stairs. They finally reached the bottom and she escorted him out of the building. The humidity hit him like a wall. The thin fabric of his shirt already sticking to his skin. He heard her hail a cab and felt himself shuffled into a stuffy vehicle that smelled of something he’d like to not think of. She pushed him over and sat down.

“Wait a minute, why are we traveling this way?” Magnus sat upright and turned to her in anger. “Why are you making me do this?”

“I can’t be sure you’d make it through a portal, to be honest.”

“What??!”

“Well, I can’t, can I?” Catarina said. “Who knows how it will work. You were already having problems with a simple spell so I just wanted to be safe until we know more about what’s going on.”

Magnus slumped in his seat. He put his hands to his face and mumbled, “My life is ruined….”

Catarina watched her friend and wished she could do more to comfort him. She scooched over and put her arm around him feeling his body move with soft sobs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus meets his caseworker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the comments and kudos! I have a lot of this written so far but you're giving me great motivation to continue. :)

The room was extremely cold and a small shiver ran down Magnus’ spine. He rubbed his arms trying to get some warmth into them. He sat there quietly straining for voices in the hallway. He had been sitting in a room that he assumed was a typical modern medical room for what felt like hours without anyone coming to the room. There had been a flurry when they arrived of people that seemed to each take turns looking into his eyes. Someone put some drops into his eyes that stung so much that Magnus let loose a bit of magic towards the person who made a quick retreat. Since then, nothing.

He had lost track of Catarina as soon as he was placed in the room. He decided to spend some of his quiet time plotting all the things he could do to get back at her for leaving him alone like this.

Suddenly the door opened and he heard more than one person coming into the room.

“Mr. Bane, I am Maryse Lightwood, head of this Institute and may I say we are honored to serve the High Warlock of Brooklyn.”  
Magnus felt a strong hand from the direction of her voice take his to shake it in greeting.

“Well, that is quite the welcome,” he managed to say after a moment. “Not exactly what I expected to hear out of a Sha… Nephilim.”

“Things have changed quite a bit around here,” a voice came from the other side of him, “I’m Robert Lightwood. Great to meet you Mr. Bane. I hope we can work together to figure out this unfortunate reason for us meeting.” Magnus was pulled into another handshake and what he assumed was Robert’s hand on his shoulder.

“Now that introductions are over I think we should get to the problem at hand,” Magnus said rubbing his palms together. “Any idea what the hell has happened to me?”

He heard them both take a breath of hesitation.

“Well, we can’t be too sure right now,” Maryse said, “We still have more tests to conduct and right now the ophthalmologist would like to take a look.”

“Hello, Mr. Bane, I’m Dr. Lydia Branwell” a young feminine voice said. “I’d like to take just a moment to get a closer look now that those drops have done their work. Terribly sorry about the long wait.”

“Oh, no bother, what’s a few hours in my lifetime anyway,” Magnus said feeling his impatience start to back off.

“Okay, well just keep your eyes straight ahead and I’m going to shine some bright lights into them as I look around. Let me know if you see anything or feel any discomfort,” Dr. Branwell said.

Magnus trained his eyes forward and waited. He could tell she was close because her breath was brushing his face.

“Have you started using the lights yet?” Magnus asked hopefully.

“Yes, Mr. Bane. Are you seeing anything?”

“Not a damn thing,” he said growling.

She continued looking for a while before she started talking again.

“Well. Mr. Bane, the most obvious thing is that it seems you’ve developed some pretty bad cataracts and I think something else is going on but I need to do some further research. Nurse Loss said that you have been keeping your glamour up longer than you normally do is that correct.”

“Yes, the little snitch is correct,” Magnus said sharply.

“I know this is difficult and we’ll do everything we can here,” Dr. Branwell said ignoring his snark with ease. “I don’t want to rush into anything so for now we’ll have you stay at the Institute until we have more information.”

“Stay here?” Magnus scoffed, “Why would I do that when I have a perfectly beautiful apartment I can retreat to?”

“Until we know more, I think it’s best you stay here where we have the best resources for you to plan for your possible new future.”

“My what?” Magnus felt like the world was crashing around him. “Are you saying this could be permanent?!”

She placed a kind hand on his knee. “I don’t know, Mr. Bane. But I’m going to do my best to make sure it isn’t. I think what’s best for you is to stay here in this safe environment. You’ll be assigned a caseworker who will be able to help you navigate around the Institute.”

Magnus had no more words. He sat dumbfounded as he heard the sound of people leaving the room. The door closed behind them but Magnus wasn’t sure if anyone had stayed.

“Hello?” he said with a small unsure voice. There was no answer. “Of course, left alone again. This is getting beyond ridiculous.” Magnus slid off the vinyl chair and made a decision. “I need to get out of here.”

He squared his shoulders in defiance and forced his feet to pick up and strode over to where he thought the door was. He found it after smacking his face on what felt like a plastic tray to hold patient files next to it. Rubbing his face against the pain he slowly opened the door.

No voices were in the hall so he felt safe to make his retreat.

He knew he had no idea where he was going, only that he had to leave right now. He held a hand on the wall to ground himself from the unknown abyss of the middle of what he assumed was a hallway. He came to a corner and decided to keep following the wall. Not ready to take that leap out into the unknown. This wall was known. It was clearly a wall, so why move away from what was known and safe.

Her heard footsteps and froze. He realized they were coming right at him and he hoped the person they belonged to would just ignore him and go around. He placed his back against the wall to make himself out of the way as possible. The footsteps stopped in front of him.

“Hello,” said a young man’s voice.

“Uh, hello there,” Magnus replied hoping he was actually being the one addressed.

“You wouldn’t happen to be Magnus Bane, would you?” the (tall) voice said. Magnus lifted his face to the voice and tried to straighten his back to look less like the scared mess he felt.

“That depends,” Magnus said trying to use his normal charm to cover up his nervousness.

“On what?” the (very tall) young man asked.

“On whether you will help me escape this place or not,” Magnus said matter-of-factly.

The man chuckled. “Well, I don’t know. If you were Magnus Bane, then I would be your caseworker which would make me bad at my job if I let you go.”

“In that case, I am not Magnus Bane. Have a lovely day,” Magnus said and turned to walk away.

“I don’t know,” the young man said, Magnus hearing the smile in his voice. “You seem to fit the description.”

Magnus waved a hand. “To you Nephilim I bet we Warlocks all look the same.” Magnus tried to pick up some speed and promptly walked into and fell over a vinyl bench. Mumbling curses in about five different languages, Magnus got to his knees and placed his hands and head on the cushion of the bench. His breaths coming out in annoyed huffs.

“Are you okay?” the young man said, rushing over. Magnus felt him kneel next to him and an arm fell gently over his back. “Here, let me help you up.”

Magnus pushed him away. “I can get up myself just fine thank you.”

“I believe you can, Mr. Bane,” the (why is he so tall) man said.

“Oh, for Lilith’s sake, call me Magnus. I’m getting sick of everyone throwing around such formality at me,” he said pulling himself to sit on the bench with a sigh.

“Okay, Magnus.” He could hear another smirk in the man’s voice.

“Well, since it’s clear you’re not going to help me escape, and I apparently am a bumbling idiot for thinking I could do it on my own, that makes you my caseworker.”

“I guess it does. Alexander Lightwood. You can call me Alec if I’m to use your first name,” Alec said. “I have my hand out front to shake if you’d like.”

“I’d rather not. I seem to have no control over my body right now so I’d rather not put myself into a potentially embarrassing situation, what with me sitting and you standing,” Magnus said pursing his lips in annoyance.

The young man laughed softly. “That’s a fair point.” Magnus felt the man sit down next to him. Suddenly his right hand was engulfed by a large hand with long fingers curling around. “Nice to meet you, Magnus Bane.”

“Nice to meet you too, Alexander Lightwood,” Magnus said after a moment’s hesitation.

 

 

 

“You’re not an idiot, by the way,” Alec said as he escorted Magnus to a guest room.

“What?” Magnus said half-paying attention as he was holding on for dear life to the young man’s (well-muscled) arm as they walked. They were moving far too fast for his liking. It had been an extremely long time since he last visited the Institute and it was under very different circumstances. He had no idea where he was in the building and it was beyond frightening. There were so many people walking around them, he found himself soon exhausted trying to look like he was perfectly capable while fighting his nerves.

“Earlier you said you were an idiot,” Alec said, “You’re not an idiot. You are just having to deal with a new situation that is very difficult and will take some time to adjust.”

“Well, I’m sure that that won’t be necessary as this is not going to be a permanent thing if I have anything to do with it,” Magnus said forcefully.

He heard a breath of hesitation from the man next to him before Alec said, “Let’s just take it one day at a time.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow to the implication. He dropped his head a little and concentrated on his walking gait.

They walked in silence down a few more corridors before finally coming to a stop. Magnus was very turned around and knew escaping was almost out of the question with his portalling being unsafe at the moment.

“Here we are, sorry that was a long way to go. The medical offices are on the opposite side of the building,” Alec said as he opened the door. “My parents have you in our best room at the Institute, so I hope you will find it agreeable.”

“Well, I don’t think it really matters in my current condition. I’m sure it’s just fine,” Magnus said, still clinging to the Nephilim’s arm.

“So here’s the tour,” Alec said, leading him around the room. “On your immediate right is the bureau, we can have someone bring you your clothes and other items of comfort this evening. Go ahead and check it out to see how many drawers there are.”

Magnus felt Alec’s left hand pulling his hands gently off his right arm and leading him to the piece of furniture. Alec’s hand wrapped around the back of Magnus’ and showed him the handles of each drawer.

“See, there’s six drawers, each have two handles,” Alec described.

“Well, I don’t really see that now do I?” Magnus said saltily.

“See, feel, they’re all the same thing. Feeling is a word to describe what you are experiencing with a sense. So is seeing. They can be interchanged if you want to get into semantics.” Alec said, Magnus could hear a smirk in his voice. Magnus made a face at him with a small snort of annoyance.

“I’m sure it’s all quite amusing to see a Warlock in this position,” Magnus said bitterly.

“Not at all, Mr. Bane, er.. Magnus,” Alec corrected himself quickly when Magnus tensed up. “I don’t like seeing people having a tough time with anything. This is why I love my job and plan to do my best to make sure you learn the skills and confidence you might need.”

“Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about my confidence, young Shadowhunter. I am not lacking in that.” Magnus said with an air, taking his hands away and trying to walk the rest of the room by himself.

“Shadowhunter?” Alec said, “Name-calling isn’t going to make me or what’s happening to you go away.”

Magnus stopped and turned towards that too-tall voice. “My apologies, some habits are hard to break for us old-timers. We tend to have long memories that have a hard time with such an abrupt change.”

“Apology accepted,” Alec said striding over in two steps to Magnus’ side, “shall we finish this tour?”

Magnus felt the young man’s elbow bump his arm in an offering. He hesitated and then placed his left hand in the crook of Alec’s arm. They slowly went around the room identifying everything and taking a second sweep to make sure Magnus had a good idea of the layout.

“Feel safe enough to get around?” Alec asked.

“I believe so.” Magnus wasn’t completely convinced he would be without new painful bruises on his shins from the furniture but he sure wasn’t going to let this man know that.

“Well, if that’s the case I will leave you to relax for a while. Today has been quite a day for you so you should take a moment to rest. I’ll be back later with your dinner and also when your things arrive.”

Magnus nodded in Alec’s direction. “Until then.”

“Until then,” Alec repeated and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Magnus sighed his most dramatic sigh and shuffled over to the bed. He threw himself down in a flourish because dammit he deserved it. He grabbed a pillow and covered his mouth with it and screamed into it. He really wanted to blow something up but took a few deep breaths to get the sparks to calm down on his finger tips. It would probably be impolite if he burned down the Institute the first day.

He rolled over and burrowed under the blankets and was thankful he couldn’t see the bedding. They did not feel anywhere near as nice as his own and feared they would probably be some boring color like beige or hospital white. He sighed again.

“Oh!” he said out loud and fished out his phone from his jacket pocket. “Siri, call Catarina Loss.” He waited as the phone rang and rang and rang.

Her very professional voice came on the speaker proclaiming she could not come to the phone because she was busy saving lives.

“Catarina, I highly suggest you answer my calls promptly if you insist on me staying here with these Shadowhunters. And please, if you could be the one to gather some of my things as I trust you’ll bring acceptable outfits and I don’t want any of them traipsing around my home, and if you could bring a set of bedding because my skin will not tolerate these rags. Thank you, and I won’t forgive you for this.”

Magnus jabbed at the phone for the end call button leaving a few swear words at the end of the message while trying to hang up.

Magnus allowed himself another loud sigh and flopped back onto the bed covering himself with the unacceptable blankets and sheets. He quickly fell asleep after realizing how exhausted he really was.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sparks are beginning!

Magnus slowly blinked his eyes open wondering why he was waking up. His disappointment that his sight was still gone was temporarily forgotten when he realized what woke him up. Voices from outside his door arguing in the soft loud whispers that never worked at actually being quiet.

He rolled himself off of the bed keeping the blankets wrapped around himself and shuffled over to the door. Taking a moment to find the door handle he wrenched it open.

“Whomever is out here trying to be quiet is failing miserably. I am awake now and very cranky so please just deal with what you must so I can return to wonderful slumber where I can forget all of this,” Magnus said waving his hand in front of him.

“Uh, I’m really sorry, Mr. Bane, but I was here to deliver your meal and it seems that your friend Miss Loss is here with your items,” that tall voice said. “We were in slight disagreement as to if we should disturb you.”

“Magnus, here’s your stuff,” Catarina said pushing past Magnus into the room. “I figured you’d want it right away. Mr. Lightwood, here, would have had me leave it in the hallway until you woke up.”

“I would have put it in another room, not the hallway,” Alec protested. “I just didn’t want to disturb you yet as you were sleeping.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow at him. “And how would you know that?”

“I came in and placed your meal on the desk. Miss Loss arrived when I was leaving the room.”.

Magnus pulled some of the blankets up to his chest in mock-horror. “I could have been in a state of undress, Mister Lightwood.”

“Magnus, this is basically a hospital,” Catarina said rolling her eyes, “It’s nothing none of us haven’t seen before.”

Magnus pouted and made his way back to the bed. He attempted to crawl back on but found it had items thrown unceremoniously on it.

“What did you bring?” he said sifting through the items finding some of the items familiar from the texture alone.

He could almost hear her shrug. “I grabbed a few things from your closet that were the most appropriate things you could wear here. Your closet is a nightmare, Magnus.”

“It’s a fabulous collection of my favorite things, finely curated for each situation,” Magnus said proudly.

“What situation requires a full body leath….” she stopped herself. “Nevermind. I do not want to know.”

Magnus smirked and winked at her. “Yes, my dear, it’s better you don’t think about it.”

Alec cleared his throat, ”Just reminding you both that I’m still here and since Mr. Bane..”

“Magnus,” the warlock corrected.

“Sorry, uh, since Magnus is awake and the food is still hot, I should get to training. Thank you Miss Loss for gathering Mr...er.. Magnus’ things for him.”

“Yes, well, I have some work to get back to,” Catarina said as she headed for the door. “Oh, Magnus, by the way, Ragnor would like you to call him. I believe he has some things he’d like to talk about in regards to your cat.”

“Oh, he can wait. Chairman Meow likes him, he’ll be fine.” Magnus said waving his hand in Catarina’s direction. “Thank you for getting my things.”

She made a noncommittal sound as she left the room.

“Well, Mister Alec, I believe you said something about food and I find myself quite hungry now.”

“Yes, your tray is on the desk. Do you remember where it is?” Alec asked.

Magnus rolled his eyes and gave a little huff. “Of course.” Gathering the blankets around himself up off the floor he walked to where he thought the desk was.

“You, uh, know it might be easier if you had your arms free,” Alec said with a little bit of mirth.

Magnus made a harumph sound and became determined to find the desk faster. He unfortunately forgot about the blanket chest at the end of the bed and hit both shins on it toppling like a tree to the floor. The blankets did nothing for the fall.

“Are you okay?” Alec said awfully close to Magnus which made him jump a little.

“I’m… I’m fine,” Magnus said biting back the automatic tears of pain. “I just…. I just can’t see and it’s frustrating as hell. I mean I’m 700 years old for goodness sake! I should know how to get around a simple room without falling over like a baby learning to walk!”

Magnus felt Alec’s hand on his back helping him to a sitting position. The hand stayed there, steadying him.

“Feel better?” Alec asked softly.

Magnus took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

“Yes, a little,” he said quietly.

“I am sorry you’re having to go through this, Magnus. But I can’t think of anyone better who will be able to handle it in the long run,” Alec said gently. Magnus made a small sound in disagreement.

“How about we get you up and fed. That may make you feel a little bit better at least.”

Magnus’ attention was being pulled to the middle of his back . The hand was warm and firm against his thin shirt.

“Magnus?”

Magnus nodded and slowly tried to get up. He found himself quite wound up in the blankets and unable to move any further.

Alec chuckled softly as he realized what was happening. Alec used his free hand to try to help unbundle Magnus. Magnus was impressed by how deftly the Nephilim was able to extricate him from the blankets with the one hand.

“There, that should do it,” Alec said, pushing the blankets to the side.

Magnus attempted to stand up and found both of Alec’s hands on him helping him up. He could tell the man was quite strong and added it to the mental note of that from earlier when he was clutching on his arm. He stood there for a moment in thought and shook his head to clear it.

“Are you okay?” asked Alec with a concerned voice. “You’re not dizzy or anything are you.”

Magnus held back a smirk. “I’m just fine.”

“Good, now it’s time for food,” Alec said as he led Magnus over to the desk not letting him go.

 

 

Later that night Alec walked the hallway back to his room and heard some loud clicking getting closer. He felt a small arm link with his when the clicking tried to keep up with his long strides.

“Hey, Izzy,” Alec said. “Late night was it?”

His sister made a scoffing sound. “Yes, dios, these two vampires I’m counseling right now are just so long-winded and not just with talking. Sometimes there’s half an hour of just brooding silence. Those boys are far too good-looking not to be enjoying each other. And... that’s all I can tell you about that. Why are you this late, and more importantly why are you smiling like that?”

Alec hadn’t realized he had been smiling. “What? I.. I was doing no such thing. And as for lateness, I had to deal with a new guest. He’s having a hard time adjusting to something that may be permanent so I was doing my job.”

“Uh-huh,” Izzy said, smirking. “So, are you going to tell me if he’s cute or not?”

Alec rolled his eyes and lifted his head up to the ceiling. “Iz, unlike you I don’t spend my time eyeing up my charges, scoping for “potentials” as you call them.”

She chuckled at him, “There’s no harm in checking them out. With how busy we are we don’t get time to go out as much as I’d like.”

Alec sighed. “That may be true, but… just be careful.”

Izzy glared at him and said, “You know I always am. I’m more professional than you sometimes, and most definitely more than Jace.”

“Ugh, is he still hung up about that poor girl?” Alec asked groaning.

“The one he calls Amnesia Chick, yes. He keeps trying to get through to her but all she does is draw runes all day. Some of them aren’t even real runes. Brother Jeremiah has been assigned to study them,” Izzy said putting her other hand on his arm to guide him up the short staircase.

“Izzy,” Alec stopped and said gently, “what was that? Were you just helping me up the stairs?”

She bit her lip and said, “I’m sorry. I can’t help it sometimes. I know you can do it yourself but I can’t help but to protect you.”

“Yes because four steps are quite perilous,” Alec said sarcastically.

“Alec,” Izzy took a breath and said, “I’m really sorry. I don’t mean to do it. I know you can do this all on your own. I do.” She sighed, “I just…”

“I know, mi hermana” Alec interrupted, putting a hand on her arm. “It’s hard for me too, sometimes. You want to protect and help. But you’re not really helping them learn anything. Unless you want the lesson to be that depending on others is the only way to get around in the world.”

“And that’s why you’re the best at your job,” she said hugging him.

“Thanks, Iz,” Alec said returning the hug. After a moment his sister pulled away and looked at him.

“However, you didn’t answer my question.”

“What question,” Alec said raising an eyebrow.

“Is he cute?” Izzy said poking his ribs with her elbow.

Alec chuckled. “Yeah, yeah he is.”

“I knew it,” Izzy beamed. They laughed and teased each other the rest of the way to their rooms.

 

\------

 

Magnus didn’t want to wake up. He knew he was awake. But he didn’t want to wake up. He knew there would still be darkness and he couldn’t face it. Maybe someone could find a spell that would make him sleep the rest of his immortal life.

He scrunched his nose and clenched his eyes shut tighter. He pulled his sheets over his face and at least this time it was soothing. His bedding was so much better.

His thoughts went to the night before and how the young Lightwood man had helped and taught him how to put the sheets on. Magnus had, of course, scoffed at Alec at first, telling him he knew quite well how to put sheets on the bed. Magnus cringed under the covers when he remembered his botched attempt at using magic to do it. Even though Alec was laughing kindly as he unwrapped himself from the sheets and blankets, Magnus was still highly embarrassed and groaned at the memory.

He heard a soft knocking on his door and decided to ignore it. He rolled over to his side, back facing the door, grabbed a pillow and covered his head. He curled his knees up towards his chest and tried to force himself back to sleep.  
The soft knocking came again this time with the door slowly opening.

“Magnus?” he heard Alec’s voice say quietly. “Are you ok?”

Magnus did not respond. He barely heard Alec’s light footsteps into the room. Magnus didn’t move. Maybe if he didn’t move, the man (who was extremely light on his feet for someone so tall) would go away and leave him be.

“I can tell from your breathing that you’re awake, Magnus.” Alec’s voice was next to the bed suddenly causing Magnus to jump a little. He sat up abruptly and turned to him.

“That is very rude that you keep coming into my room uninvited,” Magnus said confrontingly. “Am I to have no privacy while I’m here?”

“I am sorry, Magnus, but it’s 11 o’clock and I was worried.”

“Worried? About what?” Magnus said, his eyebrow raised in confusion.

“Well… with us not knowing what exactly is going on with you and you hadn’t answered the door for my other attempts…” Alec nervously rubbed the back of his head.

“Oh… well, in that case I guess you should know that I generally do not get up until around noon,” Magnus said. “No need to be worried about me.”

“Most of my job is to be worried, so you can’t stop me there,” Alec said, lightly chuckling.

Magnus wondered why he always sounded so happy and light-hearted. These were not characteristics he was used to seeing in Shadowhunters. He was more used to the brooding and hate-filled versions. These Nephilim will take some getting used to, Magnus thought sighing out loud.

“What?” Alec asked.

“Oh, nothing. Just remembering the bad old days,” Magnus said with a sad smile.

“Magnus, I know in the past this place was filled with hate and fear.” Alec sat down on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on Magnus’ shoulder. “I want you to know that you are safe here. We’re a different people. We just want to help and attone.”

Magnus faced Alec and wished hard that he could see him. He wanted to see the sincerity on his face that he could hear in the voice. He wanted to see the young man’s eyes. Magnus felt his own breath hitch a moment.

“Thank you, Alec,” Magnus said pulling himself together. He patted the young man’s hand on his shoulder. “Since I’m apparently actually awake and still seem to be blind as a bat then we should probably get to whatever you have planned for me.”

Alec smiled. “I think the first thing on the agenda is food.”

“Good, I’m quite hungry. But first, if you’d kindly leave my room so I can get dressed.” Magnus said, and then decided to tease the Nephilim boy. “Unless, getting dressed is part of the curriculum.”

Alec smirked and without skipping a beat said, “We’ll leave that teachable moment to a later date.” He stood up and walked to the door. “I’ll be right outside, just let me know when you’re ready.”

“Prepare to wait, it takes me a bit to be ready for the day,” Magnus warned.

“I have a book,” Alec said as he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Magnus flopped back down onto the bed and threw the covers back over his face. He wanted to keep his smile all to himself.

 

 

Magnus was grateful that they at least had a decent shower in the room. However he came upon a dilemma. Catarina had brought his hair and body products but to him they all seemed the same shape and they all had the same smell. He tested a little from each bottle on his fingertips and decided which one was the shampoo. He inhaled the scent of sandalwood as he washed his hair and let himself relax a little. Maybe Alec had some tips on how to deal with all these bottles so he wouldn’t have to go through the testing everytime. Maybe Alec had some other tips when it came to showering, Magnus thought with a smirk.

He shook his head and tried to get himself back together. How could he be attracted to someone he’d never even seen? It didn’t matter he’d only met Alec the day before, he’d been attracted to people within a second of meeting them before. But he’s never seen Alec. He could be covered in boils for all he knew.

His thoughts went back to the way Alec’s arm had felt under his hands. How Alec’s hands had felt on his back. His voice. So calming and caring. Alec seemed genuinely concerned about him. A Shadowhunter had concern for a Warlock. For him.

“Oh, Magnus,” he scolded himself, “Quit that blushing and finish your shower.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little chat before meeting Jace and Izzy.

Finally, Magnus felt more ready to deal with the world. He was confident with his outfit as most of his clothes he purchased because of their texture. A soft suede pair of pants, a silky button-up shirt, and a few of his favorite necklaces. He thanked Catarina in his mind for bringing the right jewelry box. His only fear was that the colors clashed. He would have to ask Alec if it looks ok.

He desperately wanted to put makeup on but still had no confidence in getting it right without looking like the bride of Chucky or worse yet, Tammy Faye Baker. Magnus shuddered at the thought.

He slowly made his way to the door, having a better idea of the room’s layout, and opened it. He poked his head out of the door frame, not actually allowing his feet to cross the threshold.

“Alec? I’m finally ready.” He was greeted by a soft snore to his right. Magnus gingerly reached his right hand down along the wall to find the back of the bench. He felt along the back until he found Alec’s shoulder. He patted it gently twice.

“Huh? Wasn’t sleeping. Waiting for Magnus,” Alec said quickly, the sound of sleep still heavy in his voice.

It was finally Magnus’ turn to chuckle.

“I’m sorry that took so long. I found showering had some complications,” Magnus said. “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting this long.”

Alec shook his head, “It’s okay. My book is apparently really boring anyway.” He sat up and dropped the book down next to him on the right. He shook some sleep from his head.

“Complications?” Alec asked after a moment.

“Yes,” Magnus said sitting down on the bench on Alec’s left. “My bath products. The bottles all feel the same and smell the same and I was able to figure things out when I tested them but I’d really like to not do that every time I shower.”

“Ah, yes, there’s some things we can do about that. Putting a rubber band around your shampoo and two around the conditioner. Or we could put them in different shaped bottles,” Alec continued listing off some alternatives and Magnus shook his head at the information.

“So many of these ideas seem so simple I feel silly not thinking of them myself.”

“You can’t think of it like that,” Alec said, “Have you ever been blind before?”

“No, thank goodness,” Magnus replied.

“Well, then how were you to have thought of these when you were never faced with those specific challenges before?”

Magnus opened his mouth to answer but found no words.

“Exactly,” Alec said with a smile. “That’s part of my job. My job is to help you think in a new way. To guide you on this path. So you can figure out how to handle these new challenges as they come up in the future.”

“I don’t exactly plan on being blind in the future,” scoffed Magnus. “I can’t imagine living like this. There is no future for me if I’m like this.”  
Magnus felt more than heard Alec’s sharp intake of breath.

“I really wish you would stop that,” Alec said. He sighed and stood up.

“What? Be depressed about my situation?” Magnus huffed and stood up in front of Alec. “I think I’m allowed to be depressed and upset about it.”

“You are, of course, allowed to be upset about it,” Alec said putting a hand on Magnus’ arm. “I just wish you’d stop acting as if it’s the end of your life.”

“Isn’t it?” Magnus asked. “I can’t do my magic right, I have to see to do my magic. What am I without it? I don’t even know what color my clothing is right now. What future have I got?”

“I’m sure you will find a way to do your magic again, successfully and accurately. It will come with practice, just like all of this,” Alec said waving a hand. “Plenty of people live happy and successful lives without their sight.”

Magnus huffed and crossed his arms in front of him.

Alec ran a hand through his hair. This was going to be one tough nut to crack, he thought.

“Let’s just take this one step at a time, Magnus,” Alec said after a moment. “Are you still hungry?”

Magnus’ stomach responded for him and Alec chuckled.

“Me too,” Alec said. “Let’s go get some food.”

Magnus gave him an unsure smirk and sulked, “Fine.”

“Don’t worry, it’s way past the lunch rush. There won’t be as many people,” Alec said reassuringly.

“How did..” Magnus started.

“You tensed up every time someone walked near us yesterday. I understand. It can be quite frightening,” Alec said taking Magnus’s arm in his left, leaving the book on the bench behind him.

“Well, I wouldn’t say frightening. More like mortifying,” Magnus said as he let Alec lead him down the hall.

“I get it. You’re a proud man,” Alec said, “but you don’t have to worry about that here, Magnus. We’re all here to make sure you are safe. We want you to succeed. Everyone has to start somewhere.”

Magnus sighed. “Everything you’re saying makes perfect sense, Alec. It’s all just so much to deal with right away.”

“Yes it is,” Alec agreed.

“I mean, it feels far too much right away. Why am I not being rushed into surgery or surrounded by your Silent Brothers? Why does it seem like nothing is being done?” Magnus asked trying to hold his voice steady. “Am I already a lost cause?”

Alec stopped walking and turned to Magnus.

“You are not a lost cause,” Alec said. “People are working on it. The Silent Brothers are in contact with the Warlocks in the Spiral Labyrinth. Dr. Branwell and her team are poring over medical records and other texts.” Alec placed his hands on Magnus’ shoulders. “We’re not giving up on you.”

Magnus had no idea how to respond to Alec’s earnestness. He was astonished to hear words like this out of a Shadowhunter directed at himself.

“How…. How did you Sh… Nephilim,” Magnus corrected himself, “How did you become so caring about us?”

“Magnus, I am so sorry that it has taken us so long for us to see the light,” Alec said. “I’ve read a lot about what happened before my parents helped make the change and I am horrified by what we were doing.”

“It… it wasn’t a great thing to experience,” Magnus mumbled.

“I’m sorry, Magnus, for everything,” Alec said, his hands still on Magnus’ shoulders.

“Ok,” Magnus said putting his own hands on Alec’s, “Now you stop apologizing for things you didn’t have a part of, Alec. The past is the past and it can stay there. I will do better about my own prejudices from now on, I promise.”

Alec smiled and said, “Ok.”

“Now,” Magnus said gently removing Alec’s hands from his shoulders to take an arm in his own, “I believe there was going to be some food at some point?”

Alec chuckled, “Yes, let’s go.”

They made their way to the cafeteria, arm in arm, Magnus walking with more confidence in each step.

 

 

 

“Alec!” Izzy yelled from across the cafeteria. “Come sit with us!” Jace looked up from his overfull bowl of spaghetti and tried to chime in but his mouth was too full, causing bits of noodle to spray out of his mouth.

“Gross, Jace, you better clean that up before Alec finds it,” Izzy said handing him a napkin. He tried to say sorry but he was still chewing so more noodle bits came out. He quickly wiped up his mess and finished the bite he was chewing before attempting to speak again.

“Who’s that with him?” Jace finally was able to get out.

“I think that’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn, Magnus Bane. He just got here yesterday,” Izzy said watching Alec teaching Magnus how to pick out food for his tray.

“He’s blind? I haven’t heard of a blind Warlock before,” Jace said before shoveling another hefty bite into his mouth.

Izzy gave Jace a look of disgust. “Yes, it just happened. They’re still trying to figure things out. The outlook is not positive...”

Jace gulped down his bite and pointed his fork at her, “How do you know so much? Patient confidentiality and such.”

She shrugged, “People talk to me, and I talk to a lot of people. I also listen well.”

“You eavesdropped,” Jace accused with a smirk on his face.

“I… may have overheard Lydia and Mom talking last night about it,” she said trying to look innocent.

“Busted,” Jace said widening his smirk.

“Shhh,” she said quietly as Alec and Magnus arrived at the table across from them.

“Hey Izzy,” Alec said showing Magnus where he could place his tray and sit.

“Hi Alec,” she said trying to keep her smile out of her voice.

“Magnus, this is my sister Isabelle. She’s a mental health counselor, specializing in group therapy. You can call her Izzy,” Alec said. “Izzy, this is Magnus Bane.

“Hello Isabelle,” Magnus said formally, “it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Please, call me Izzy. It’s nice to meet you Magnus. I’m in love with your outfit.” Izzy said reaching out to put her hand on his.

Magnus smiled and said, “Please tell me the colors match.”

“Oh yes, cobalt blue and chocolate brown. Very nice,” Izzy said approvingly.

“Thank goodness for that,” Magnus said with a sigh. “Now if I can just figure out how to put my makeup on then I’ll feel more like me.”

“Oh! I would love to help with that,” Izzy said excitedly. “I have a whole regimen that makes it really easy.”

“That would be wonderful,” Magnus said.

Jace cleared his throat.

“Oh, Magnus, this is my parabatai Jace Herondale,” Alec said hastily. “He’s a caseworker, like me.”

“Good to meet you, Magnus,” Jace said.

“Likewise,” Magnus said raising an eyebrow. “You’re a Herondale?”

“Yes, the last one. My parents didn't make it through the uprising,” Jace said. “Valentine Morgenstern raised me and then sent me here to train with the Lightwoods.”

“I’m sorry for your loss, there were some good people in your line,” Magnus said.

“You knew them?” Alec asked.

“You meet a few Shadowhunters over the years when you’re as old as I am,” Magnus said sighing.

Jace and Izzy flinched at the term.

“I’m glad that the uprising happened,” Magnus said, “the Nephilim are a welcome replacement.”

Jace and Izzy exchanged a smile, relaxed and returned to their food.

“Ok, if Magnus doesn’t mind, I’m going to continue training now,” Alec said turning to Magnus.

“Well, I guess now is as good as any time for people to see how messy of an eater I’ve become,” Magnus said shaking his head in exasperation.

Izzy stifled a laugh while Jace let out a snort. Alec glared at them both.

“I’m sorry, Magnus,” Izzy said quickly, “We’re not laughing at you.”

“Sure seems like it,” Alec said through gritted teeth.

“No,” Jace said. “We’re not laughing at you. We just doubt anyone can outdo me for how messy I can be with my food.”

“Ugh, is that what this is on the table?” Alec said finding bits of noodle near his tray.

“Aw, dang it, I thought I had cleaned it all up,” Jace said grabbing the new napkin Izzy was handing him. “I’m really sorry.”

Alec shook his head at his friend as he turned back to Magnus.

“Okay, Magnus, do you remember all the things that you put on your plate?” Alec asked.

“I think so,” Magnus said slowly moving his hands towards his plate.

“Remember we set things up like a clock face. There are different ways to do this but I’m starting you out with the clock method,” Alec said.

Izzy smiled, she loved watching her brother work. He was so caring and patient and it was thrilling seeing people’s confidence grow.

“Okay, I think I remember,” Magnus said fumbling for his fork.

“Don’t forget that piece of bread, it’s really handy at keeping things on your plate when you want to scoop it up,” Alec said, grabbing his own piece of bread to do the same.

“Umm,” Magnus said quietly suddenly feeling quite self-conscious, “How many people are in here exactly?”

“Just the four of us, not including the people cooking the food,” Izzy said, looking around. “But they’re in the back.”

“Thanks,” Magnus mumbled. He sighed as he tried to get his first bite of food onto his fork. The pieces of roasted potato were sliding out from underneath the fork tines. “This is impossible.”

“Use the bread or a knife or something to brace it,” Jace suggested as he took a giant bite out of a piece of garlic bread.

Alec finished chewing a bite of the green pepper stir fry he picked out and said, “Just like last night. Take it slow, we’re in no rush.”

“Well, last night was different. That was in a more private setting, without an audience,” Magnus said, has face scrunching up in annoyance.

Jace gave Izzy a quick look with an eyebrow raised. She smirked back at him and winked. Jace let a smile light up his face at his parabatai.

“Well, I’m finished,” announced Izzy gathering her dishes. “Looks like you’re done too, Jace.”

“But…” Jace stopped when Izzy glared at him then widened her eyes at him, nodding over at Magnus. “Right, yeah, I’m done,” Jace said grabbing his half-full bowl and deciding he was taking it with him back to his office.

“Oh, Ok,” said Alec, trying to finish his bite quickly. He swallowed and said, “See you guys later.”

Magnus sighed and relaxed a little in his seat.

“Isabelle and Jace seem nice. They didn’t have to leave just on my behalf,” Magnus said.

“They didn’t leave for…” Alec started.

Magnus waved away the rest of Alec’s words. “Yes they did. They saw I was having a tough time and your sister took pity on me.”

“I’m sorry,” Alec said.

“It was a kindness on their part,” Magnus said. “I guess I wasn’t ready yet to eat in front of other people. It’s bad enough you see me making a huge mess.”

Alec smirked and chuckled. “I have seen no such thing. You’re doing a good job. It just takes practice.”

“You are quite sure about this, aren’t you?” Magnus asked trying to stab the petulant roasted potato.

“I have lots of faith in you,” Alec said matter-of-factly. “I imagine you’ve had to do a lot of adapting over the centuries. If you can survive that, you can survive this.”

“Thank you, Alec,” Magnus said.

“For what?” Alec asked.

“For doing your job so well,” Magnus said as he finally caught the potato. He popped it into his mouth and was quite pleased, even though it was cold now.

“You’re welcome, Magnus,” Alec said. “I truly enjoy helping. I should thank you for not being as difficult as some have been.”

“I find it hard to believe any one is more whiny than I am,” Magnus stated. “In fact I refuse to believe it.” Alec laughed.

“Believe me,” Alec said. “You actually left your room today. Some people take months to do that.”

“Oh,” Magnus said holding another potato on his fork. “How awful.”

“It can be quite sad, but I haven’t lost anyone to despair yet,” Alec said lightly. “Eventually everyone I work with realizes how much they still want to truly live.”

Magnus smirked and decided he needed to tease Alec again.

“Are you sure that they didn’t all just realize they didn’t want to be around you forever? Invading their rooms, making them eat in public, giving them terrible bedding?”

“I’ll have you know, Magnus Bane, that I’m a very sweet person,” Alec said with a smile. “I don’t make anyone do what they don’t want to do, I merely suggest.”

“That doesn’t explain the privacy invasions,” Magnus prodded.

“Well, that only happens in special cases.” Alec grinned and said, “I do that for those who are flight risks and late sleepers.”

Magnus grinned back hearing the smile in Alec’s voice. He really wanted to see that smile. He stifled a sigh and got back to work on his food.

“The rate I’m going it’ll be dinner time when I’m finished,” Magnus whined a little loudly.

Alec laughed brightly, “Enough of that.” He lightly stuck his elbow into Magnus’ side. “Finish your food so we can get out of here before the hoards arrive.”

The two finished their meal with Alec giving tips every time Magnus felt like giving up. Magnus found himself comfortable in front of Alec. He didn’t feel ashamed about not knowing how to do things non-visually. Alec was as he said, a very sweet person. Maybe it was a good thing Catarina brought him here. Maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments and kudos! 
> 
> Please let me know if there are any spelling or format issues. I've typed this all up on google docs and I have to fight with their formatting crap.
> 
> Chapter 5 will be up in a couple of days!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus chats with Catarina, Alec checks in with Maryse, and the start of some Malec sparks flying.

“Magnus? Magnus!” Catarina’s voice cut through Magnus’ thoughts.

“What, Catarina?” Magnus asked not fully back into the conversation.

“I don’t think you heard a word I said, did you?” she said accusatory.

“Not really, my dear friend, I’m afraid I was lost in my head for a bit,” Magnus said. “What were you saying?”

“I was telling you that Ragnor left your loft. He said he kept trying to get a hold of you but you never answered your phone,” she said as she glanced at a scuff mark on her shoe. “He left quite a few messages, I was there with him when he left one. If they’re all like that then I think you’ll be spending a lot of time apologizing to him.”

“What? What on earth could be bothering him, I’m the one who went blind here,” Magnus said pouting.

“Where’s your phone?” Catarina asked scanning the room.

“No idea, I think I bumped it onto the floor last night and I haven’t seen it since.” Magnus said. He shifted uncomfortably in the armchair next to the bed.

“Mr. Lightwood hasn’t taught you how to find things yet?” she asked.

“No, and before you ask, no, I haven’t told him that I lost my phone,” Magnus said, then mumbled, “He doesn’t need to know just how much of an incapable mess I am, thank you very much.”

“What is with you, Magnus? I’ve never seen you like this,” Catarina said, concerned. “I mean I’ve seen you heart-broken and devastated, but never without some amount of self-confidence. You’ve always managed some facade, even if it was shaky at best.”

“Catarina, I’m tired,” Magnus sighed. “I’m too old and now I’m too blind to keep anything like that up. What’s the point?”

She stood up from the chair at the desk and went to Magnus’ side. She promptly swatted him on the shoulder. He yelped in surprise.

“You stop that, right now,” Catarina said forcefully.

“That was totally uncalled for, Catarina,” Magnus said rubbing his shoulder in mock pain. “I hope that’s not the bedside manner that your patients receive.”

She rolled her eyes at him, “Magnus, I’m serious. You need to stop thinking like this. You’ll get through this. We’ll get through this together.”

“I’m sure I will, I mean, I always do, but this one is a big pill to swallow,” Magnus said. “I just…. “ he cut himself off and turned his head away from her.

She looked down at him, her hands in the pockets of her scrubs, a look of confusion on her face.

“What, Magnus, what is it?” she asked. “Talk to me.” Magnus sighed melodramatically. Catarina became more concerned.

“Catarina,” Magnus started, turning his head up to her. She saw his expression and became very worried at the amount of uncertainty and vulnerability was showing on his face. “Could you tell me something, and be honest and not leave out any details?”

“That…. That depends on what you want to know,” she said, crossing her arms.

“Could you tell me, what does Alec look like?” Magnus asked, fully aware of the little blush that was popping up on his cheeks.

“Oh Magnus,” Catarina said with a sigh of both relief and exasperation. “Really? You just met him!”

Magnus crossed his arms in defense. “Hey, I’m just as surprised, myself. How on earth can I be attracted to someone I’ve never even seen?”

Catarina let a small laugh out. “Magnus, because it’s you. Your dial is always set to search and enjoy.”

Magnus smirked.

“You must have some sort of instinct for it, though. Your type, that is,” Catarina said musing. “He’s tall, thin, but decently built…”

“I already knew that part,” Magnus said, thinking again of how Alec’s arm felt in in his. How his hands had felt on his shoulder. Magnus shuddered a little.

“Ok, fine, well, he has black hair that’s just about the right amount of messy and floppy that I know you like,” she said.

“What color are his eyes?” Magnus asked eagerly.

“I… I don’t know,” Catarina confessed.

“Why not?” Magnus whined.

“He’s my co-worker, I’m not one to check out my co-workers, Magnus,” she chided. “You’ll just have to ask him yourself.”

“Oh, that would be an interesting conversation,” Magnus scoffed, “‘Thank you, Alec, for teaching me how to feed myself again like a baby, by the way you sound cute, what color are your eyes.’ The best pick-up line I’ll ever use, for sure.”

“Magnus.... “ Catarina raised her face to the ceiling. “Now we all know there would never be a situation where you would try that. You’re being over dramatic.”

“I know, but I’m not exactly on form right now,” Magnus complained. “And let’s be honest, I’m never going to be on form again. I’ll be too busy walking into things and getting food all down my shirt. Real smooth.”

“My god, you are exceptional at whining!” Catarina said throwing her hands up in the air.

“Catarina, all I have are complaints and whining right now. If I didn’t stick to that I would head right into anger and I’d rather not delve into that when I can’t truly control my magic,” Magnus said, putting a hand on his face.

“I’m sorry, Magnus,” Catarina said, softening her voice, “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. I wish there was something I could do to help.”

“Well, you could give my sight back, that would be quite helpful.” Magnus smirked.

“You know I would, if I could, Magnus,” Catarina said. “Is there something within my current power that I could do for you?”

“You could see if there’s any progress on the research,” Magnus said, dropping his hand to his lap. “Alec says they’re still looking but no one else has come to see me. I’m not feeling very optimistic.”

“Okay,” she said, “I can do that. Did you want me to look for your phone before I go?”

“No, that’s not necessary. I’ll try and find it here in a little bit.” Magnus took a deep breath. “Thank you, Catarina. I’m still upset but I’m also grateful.”

“I’ll take it,” she said smiling. “I’ll see you later, Magnus.”

Magnus smirked, raised his eyebrows and said, “Not if I see you first.” Catarina laughed and shook her head as she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Magnus frowned and let his face fall into his hands. His quiet sobs echoed in the room.

 

 

“How is Mr. Bane’s training going?” Maryse asked her son the next morning.

“It’s going well,” Alec said, “He’s quite devastated, of course, but still willing to learn and adapt.”

“Good. That's really good,” said Maryse. Alec noticed a strange tone to her voice.

“Why? Have you heard something from Dr. Branwell or the Silent Brothers?” Alec asked.

“We’ve received some preliminary reports from the Silent Brothers,” Maryse said. “I received a fire message this morning that said the Warlocks are aware of only a very few instances where a glamour has become permanently damaging.”

“That’s promising for him,” Alec said.

“However,” Maryse continued, “there does seem concern that it is his eyes. Eyes are complex and delicate and any magic you attach to it can leave scarring and other defects. Seems that with overuse it can be detrimental to one’s eye health.”

“So, there’s nothing anyone can do for Magnus?” Alec asked, leaning back in his chair.

“I didn’t say that,” his mother said. “We are going to attempt a few things first to see if it can help. Plus there are spells being worked on to counter the current damage as well as possible future damage.”

“That’s good, I’ll let him know. This should give him quite the confidence boost,” Alec said smiling.

“Alexander, you should be careful what you tell him,” Maryse warned. “Don’t give false hope. Tread lightly. Let’s get the surgery Dr. Branwell wants to do scheduled first.”

Alec nodded. He understood, but really wanted to give Magnus some good news. Something to put a true smile on his face. He had heard something close to a real happy laughter in Magnus’ voice but it would be nice to hear more.

“Alexander?” Maryse asked.

“Yes?”

“Is there something else?” she said. “You looked distant.”

“Just, uh, figuring out the next thing to work on with Magnus.” Alec said quickly.

“Good,” Maryse said, closing a folder on her desk. “I need you to take special care with this situation, Alexander. Mr. Bane is a very important client. He has great influence and it will do quite well for the Institute if he has a positive experience here.”

“I understand,” Alec said standing up, clasping his hands behind his back. “But my main concern is the client himself, not his influence. My job isn’t to help the Institute, it’s to help those that need helping. Protect those who need it. Making sure each person I work with is prepared and able to be successful on their own.”

“I know, Alexander, and that’s why I’m so very proud of you,” Maryse said with a smile. She stood up and walked around the table to embrace her son. Alec returned the hug and smiled.

“Thanks, Mom,” he said into her shoulder.

She stood back out of the hug and held his shoulders at arm’s length.

“How are you doing?” She asked looking at his face. “How’s that new True North rune treating you?”

“I’m doing well, the rune is helping some” Alec said touching the rune on his neck. “I’m not sure how well it will do outside the Institute. It’s hard to tell if it’s the rune or if I’m just that familiar with where everything is.”

“Well, every little bit of help we can get is wonderful,” Maryse said putting a hand on his face. “And why do you need to leave the Institute anyway? Everything you could need is right here. We have the best facilities for you to do your work.”

“I know, Mom,” Alec sighed. “Which is something I should get back to doing. Thanks for the update on Magnus.” He turned and headed for the door.

“Ok, talk to you later, Alexander,” Maryse said with a concerned look on her face. She knew he could get by on his own but she still couldn’t help but worry about her son. She took a deep breath and returned to the work on her desk.

 

 

Alec stepped out of his mother’s office and leaned against the wall next to the door. His family was loving and caring but they sure could be overbearing and overprotective at times. He thought he’d be used to it by now but it just seems to get worse with time. He knew someday that he’d have to talk to them about it but he just didn’t have the words for it yet.

He pushed himself off of the wall and headed to Magnus’ room. It was well before noon but there was a lot of work to do if he was to do the full training.

As he deftly walked around a potted plant he touched his True North rune again. He thought about all the improvements to the rune over the years had been made. There was a few people who were willing to experiment with runes to fine-tune them for specific things and personal preferences. There had been many different True North runes applied to the same spot since he was a kid, each having some improvement. He had briefly been able to test it outside of the Institute when they visited Alicante. It had helped out some but he still ran into a few people. The people there weren’t as used to him as those that lived and worked at the New York Institute.

He knew he could use what the humans used but his parents hadn’t liked that idea. They seemed to have thought that since they were Nephilim and had access to the runes that that’s all they needed. He had secretly practiced with the white cane for a long time. He was glad he had done it when the first non-Nephilim had come in needing his help. He was able to train them quite effectively.

 

 

Alec reached Magnus’ door and knocked loudly. His watch told him it was only 9, so he was not surprised Magnus didn’t answer. He knocked harder and heard a loud thump accompanied by a cry of pain. He threw the door open and rushed in.

“Magnus? Are you okay?” Alec heard a muffled sound from the floor across the room. He walked quickly towards the sound. “Magnus?”

“Mmmmmph. I’m fine…” Magnus said still sounding muffled.

“Where are you?” Alec asked.

“Under the bed… I was looking for my phone,” Magnus’ voice became clearer as he crawled out from underneath the bed. “Your knocking made me jump. I hit my head.”

“Oh, by Raziel, I’m so sorry Magnus,” Alec said guiltily. “Here, let me help you up.” Alec leaned down reaching a hand out and found Magnus’ shoulder.

“Thank you, Alexander,” Magnus said reaching up and putting his hand around Alec’s arm.

“You...You’re welcome, Magnus,” Alec said helping him up, wondering why he felt a blush on his face. “I am really sorry, I thought you were still sleeping so I knocked louder.”

“It’s quite alright, I was the one on all fours looking for my phone like a fool,” Magnus said lightly chuckling. “I’ll just have a little bump for a bit.”

“Did you find it?” Alec asked, his face still slightly flushed.

“No, not yet. I fear it’s lost to the ether,” Magnus said sighing. “Ragnor really will kill me now.”

“Oh, is Ragnor your boyfriend?” Alec asked not knowing why he let those words out of his mouth.

Magnus started to laugh so hard that he lost his balance and fell back onto the floor. Alec became quite embarrassed and also a little annoyed when the laughter didn’t sound like it was going to end soon. Alec crossed his arms over his chest and waited it out.

“Oh, ho ho, I’m ss..sorry, I’m laughing so much,” Magnus said still on the floor. “It’s not you, really, ha ha ha! Please ask that question again sometime in front of Ragnor. I want to see his face……”

Magnus immediately stopped laughing.

“I guess,” Magnus said with realization, pulling his knees up to his chest, “I won’t get to see his face… How wretched. That would have been marvelous.”

“Care to clue me in on the joke, Magnus?” Alec asked, trying to hide his annoyance.

“Well, my dear Ragnor would take it as the biggest insult in the entire history of the universe if he was mistaken as my boyfriend,” Magnus explained, his hands on his knees. “We may be long-time friends but the nicest thing he has ever called me is insufferable.”

Alec relaxed a bit and said, “OK. My apologies for assuming, but Miss Loss had mentioned something about him and your cat.”

“Yes, he was looking after my cat for me while Catarina whisked me off here,” Magnus said. “Seems he is angry at me and has left many messages but I lost my phone last night and now I can’t find it. I’m also worried about my cat.”

Alec sat down on the floor across from Magnus.

“I’ll help you look for the phone,” Alec said. “I actually have something that can help.”

“Oh, what is it?”

“Here,” Alec said.

Magnus heard a light thump and then a sliding sound getting closer to his left side. He reached over and felt a light metal pole.

“What is it?” Magnus asked, confused.

“A cane, I know, I know,” Alec said quickly to cut off the sound of protest coming from Magnus. “I know, it’s too early, but I’d really like you to at least learn a little of it. So you can get around on your own if I’m not here.”

“Why would you not be here?” Magnus asked. “Aren’t you supposed to be my overseer, what with me being a flight risk and all.”

“Well, things happen so I just want you to be prepared,” Alec said earnestly. Magnus was finding it increasingly difficult to stay upset, or even be upset with Alec. He was sure that if he said no Alec would be okay with it.

“What if… what if I wasn’t ready and didn’t want to do that just yet?” Magnus asked, deciding to test his theory.

“Then we won’t do that just yet,” Alec said making Magnus smile. “But I do suggest we use it to at least find your phone. It’s a useful tool for that.”

“Okay, I can handle that at least,” Magnus said. “What do we do?”

“Well, you keep it flat on the floor like it is and then you sweep it in arcs around you until it hits something. Hopefully it will find your phone,” Alec said.

“Alrighty, let’s give this a go,” Magnus said moving the metal pole around him until it finally made a *clink* sound with something underneath the nightstand.

“Okay, now depending on where you felt it you can run your hand down the cane until you get to the phone or if it’s underneath something you can use the cane to push it out so you can reach it,” Alec explained. Magnus pushed the item out from under the nightstand and reached for the item.

“Success!” Magnus said as his fingers curled around the phone. He pressed a button but nothing happened. “Oh, crap. It needs charging, of course.”

“There are plug-in spots on the lamp on the nightstand,” Alec said, standing up from the floor. He stretched his lower back and sat on the edge of the bed.

“Now to find my chord,” Magnus said, having stood up and now was rummaging through a bag on the bureau. “Ah, there it is.” He made his way back to the nightstand and plugged in his phone. He sat down next to Alec on the bed and then suddenly flopped back with a sigh.

“Magnus?” Alec asked turning his head. “What’s the matter?”

“Oh, you know, the endless mornings of embarrassment where you have to help me stand up because I’m on the floor for some reason,” Magnus said forlornly. “Just one morning I’d like to show you that I am and have been for most of my life a put together man.”

“Magnus, I already know you are,” Alec said. “You’re going through something so difficult and you’re still learning.”

Magnus sat up and let out a large breath of frustration. “Thank you, Alexander. It may not seem like it but you are doing quite well. I may even believe you someday,” he said with a light laugh.

“Come on,” Alec said, one side of his mouth going up in a smile. “Let’s go for a walk while your phone charges. Then we’ll come back and I can show you how to use it. It’s pretty amazing what you can do with it.”

Magnus felt Alec stand up from the bed and was about to stand up when suddenly Alec’s fingers curled around his hand, gently tugging to help him up. Magnus stood up almost entranced by those long fingers. He was laser focused on every single spot those fingers touched his hand and accidentally lost control for a second.

 

 

Alec inhaled sharply as his hand was suddenly covered in tiny sparks. They didn’t hurt but it was something he hadn’t felt before. Actually, it felt really good.

“What? What was that?” Alec asked, breathlessly.

“I’m so sorry, Alec,” Magnus said quickly pulling his hand back, completely mortified. “I didn’t mean to, I mean, I can’t control, oh for fuck’s sake. I’m sorry. It was my magic.”

“Oh!” Alec said, not knowing what else to say.

“I didn’t.. It didn’t hurt, did it?” Magnus asked rubbing his fingertips together with worry.

“Um, actually, no,” Alec said, his head feeling a little foggy. “Mostly surprising and… and..”

Magnus waited for the answer, holding his breath.

“It felt nice,” Alec finally said, his hand still held in front of him.

“I’m, uh, glad you weren’t hurt,” Magnus said breathing out, trying (and failing) to ignore the wistful sound in Alec’s voice. “I promise to take better control of myself.”

“It’s okay, Magnus, really,” Alec said, the fog slowly clearing. He realized that his face and neck felt warm from blushing. With a goofy grin he said, “If that’s your reaction then I don’t mind having to help you every morning.”

Magnus’s eyes widened and his heart skipped a beat. He forced himself to talk again. “Maybe we should go for that walk, clear our heads a bit.”

“That’s a good idea,” Alec said with his head completely free from the fog but wishing he could control his words better. Flirting was something he shouldn’t be doing, but he was finding it increasingly difficult to control himself around this fascinating man.

Magnus slowly walked towards the door, trying to walk around Alec without touching him. He was desperately trying to control himself, knowing that touching Alec again would be quite difficult for a moment or two without letting go with his magic.

Alec sighed quietly as he picked up the cane.

“Magnus, maybe you should try using this,” Alec said holding the cane out in front of him. “Maybe it’s a good time to try it for a little bit.”

“Yes, that may be wise,” Magnus said, internally cringing but knowing it was for the best.

Alec gave him a brief introduction on how to hold it and move it around. Once he was sure Magnus understood the basics they set off down the corridor.

Desperately trying not to touch each other.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ragnor's voicemails, An interrupting Catarina, A conversation with Jace, The surgery is set.

“Hello Magnus, I know you've probably been busy with testing or whatever Catarina is having those Shadowhunters do to you but I must ask you a question about your cat. How much should I feed it? And what? It's staring at me while sitting by its bowl and I'm beginning to be unnerved. Does it ever blink? Call me back when you can. Your friend, Ragnor Fell.”  
9:59pm, Monday

“Well, Magnus since you didn't call back I gave it some of the fish you had in the freezer. Hope you weren't saving that swordfish for a special occasion. And don't worry, I cooked it first. Well, maybe worry. How can I tell if your cat is dead or asleep? It hasn't moved a muscle since it ate. Sincerely, Ragnor Fell.”  
11:30pm, Monday

“Magnus, your cat is alive. I may kill it. But it is alive for now. You now owe me a new pair of shoes. Your cat emptied the entire contents of its insides into my shoes. And to be honest I would not be surprised if you trained it to do that. I hope you're getting treated poorly and have had many fingers in your eyes. Yours ungratefully, Ragnor Fell.”  
11:59pm, Monday

“What unholy demon fathered your cat? It has Lilith’s blood running through its veins, certainly. And now it has my blood in its claws. I was trying to sleep when that hell beast jumped on my chest and sat down. It startled me so I moved which turned it into a buzzsaw of doom. Thankfully Catarina actually answered her phone and is here treating the wounds. Why would you keep this thing around? You better find some other accommodations for your pet. I did not sign up for any of this. Oh, and don't bother calling Raphael. I've told him about all of this and he wants no part of it. Worst regards, Ragnor Fell.”  
1:45am, Yesterday

“That is it, Magnus. I've had it. I will not stay here for another moment. Our friendship is not worth it over this thing. Since you apparently won't return my calls for help I see no reason to stay. This morning I woke up to a dead mouse next to my head. A DEAD MOUSE, MAGNUS! I refuse to deal with this any longer. I left some food and water but I am done. May all your clothes turn to burlap and your hair fall out in clumps, Ragnor Fell.”  
8:47am, Yesterday

“Well, really,” Magnus said after the last voicemail played. “That got a little dramatic there.” He sat cross legged on his bed, his face close to the phone.

Alec sat across the room at the desk, trying to not laugh. Their walk had been shorter than Alec had wanted but Magnus was getting tired and self-conscious as the hallways began to fill up.

“I can’t believe he signs off on his voicemails as if they were letters,” Alec said, letting a small laugh through.

“An endearing habit that we just can’t seem to break him of, though we have tried,” Magnus said trying to navigate the Voiceover feature to find the date of the last message. “Speaking of breaking, having my phone speak to me like this is making me want to break the phone.”

“I can understand that one. Not everything is accessible and it takes practice to get the gestures right,” Alec said.

“Ugh! This is so frustrating! All I want to know is when that last message came in! Why is it so hard to find?” Magnus said jabbing his finger on the screen.

“Swipe from left to right with one finger, that should go through everything until you get to the date and time,” Alec said shifting in the seat, leaning forward putting his elbows on his knees.

After a few swipes and some curse words, Magnus got to where he wanted.

“This says yesterday morning?! Poor Chairman Meow has been all alone since then,” Magnus said horrified.

“Aren’t cats okay to be left alone for a few days?”

“Yes, they are Alec, but I usually have more time to set up things for him. HIs favorite foods, his favorite treats scattered about for him to find, his favorite music playing, I didn’t have a chance to do any of that,” Magnus said waving a hand around in exasperation.

“Uh, I could have someone go and check in on him, if you’d like?” Alec suggested.

“No, absolutely not. I will not have strangers in my home while I am not there,” Magnus said sharply. He remembered a group of drugged up vampires squatting in his home after being away for years. From then on he had special wards of protection in place to stop such a thing from happening ever again. “Also, only a select few are allowed through the wards if they’re not with me. I will go myself.”

“You, what?” Alec said standing up.

“I said I will go myself, Alec,” Magnus sat back in the arm chair.

“Y..you can’t go,” Alec said walking over to Magnus.

“And why not?” asked Magnus, lifting his head to Alec as he moved closer. “Am I a prisoner here?”

“What? No, of course you aren’t, but…”

“But what, Alexander, is there some law that I would be breaking by leaving for a little while to check in on my cat?” Magnus asked crossing his arms.

“No, Magnus, there isn’t, but I don’t think you should go. You said you can’t control your magic properly yet so that leaves out portalling.

Also, we don’t know what’s happened to you and I don’t want to risk you over-exerting yourself. Plus, plus, how do I know you would come back?” Alec said, worried. The thought of Magnus leaving and disappearing was making his chest feel tight.

“Alexander,” Magnus said standing up in front of Alec, “of course I’ll come back. I want to know what’s happened to me.” Magnus took a step closer to him, taking a gamble on what he thought he heard in Alec’s voice. “Plus, I still need more training and I can’t think of a better person than you to receive that from.”

Alec’s breath hitched. He lifted a hand to reach over to Magnus’ when a loud knocking interrupted from the door.

“Magnus? It’s Catarina, I’m coming in,” she said as she opened the door. She looked into the room to see Magnus and Alec suddenly step away from each other. She smirked and said, “Sorry for the interruption Mr. Lightwood, Dr. Branwell would like to see Magnus.”

“Oh, of… of course, Miss Loss,” Alec stumbled over his words, “We… uh, we were about done with today’s phone lesson anyway.” Alec walked towards the door. “Mag… Mr. Bane, I’ll be back later this evening.”

“I look forward to it, Alexander,” Magnus said with a small smile.

“Uh, yeah, me too,” Alec said quickly before leaving.

 

 

Magnus let out a loud sigh after a moment.

“Oh Magnus, you have it bad,” Catarina said chuckling. “You’re doing that thing with your shoulders again.”

“So I am,” Magnus said giggling lightly. “Catarina, what am I going to do?”

“Well, first things first,” she said sliding an arm around his, “you have an appointment with Dr. Branwell. Let’s talk on the way there.”

“Very well,” Magnus said letting his friend lead. He put his head on her shoulder as they left the room. “Everything is so beyond what I was expecting this week to be, Catarina. Losing my sight, being here among Shadowhunters, not to mention that one of those Shadowhunters has thrown me for a loop for some reason. My nerves are so frayed right now I’m afraid I’ll either burn a hole through the floor or accidentally portal the entire Institute to Madrid.”

“I can at least ease your mind a little bit about the blindness part of it,” Catarina said.

“Oh?” Magnus said lifting his head and turning it to face her. “What is it? Have they found a cure? Can they reverse it? Will I see again?”

“Well, if you actually let me talk I can answer you,” she said squeezing his arm.

“Oh, well, sorry. Like I said, the nerves are shot.”

“It’s ok,” Catarina said. “Well, Dr. Branwell thinks she can at least clear some of it by doing a surgery. They’d remove your lenses and put in new ones. That should help with the cloudiness brought on by those tiny scratches. She’ll talk more about it when we get there.”

“This sounds rather invasive,” Magnus said warily.

“It’s a very simple surgery. I’ve seen humans do it all the time. It’s very routine, nothing really to worry about, Magnus,” Catarina said trying to sound convincing.

“Hrmmm, I just don’t like the idea of anyone slicing into my eyes,” Magnus cringed.

“That’s fair,” she said, “but if it works it’ll be amazing.”

“Then I might be able to see Alexander…” Magnus sighed.

“Is it that important that you see him with your eyes?” Catarina asked. “You seem quite taken with him without that visual stimulation.”

“That may be true, but it’s killing me that just last week I would have been able to see him,” Magnus said with frustration.

“I guess that would be tough,” Catarina said as they rounded a corner.

“You have no idea,” Magnus whined.

“But,” she said “I don’t think you’d be the one to let something like that get in the way.”

“Quite true,” Magnus said proudly then deflated. “However, this time I seem to have lost a lot of my normal charm and grace. It’s difficult to be smooth when one keeps walking into things and falling over them.”

“I’m quite sure Alec understands all of that. You really have nothing to worry about in that area,” Catarina offered. “And judging by the amount of electricity there when I walked in tells me he’s interested in you, too.”

Magnus smiled, “That’s what I was trying to find out before you knocked on the door and interrupted us.” He gently smacked her hand. “So rude, Catarina.”

She chuckled, “Okay, okay. I promise to wait for a reply before I come in. There are some things I would rather not see in this life.”

He scowled at her.

“Oh, you know what I mean, Magnus,” Catarina said quickly. “Here we are. Time for some good news. I’ll go in with you, if you want.”

“Please do,” Magnus said, still clinging to her arm. “I may need reinforcements.”

Catarina chuckled as she opened the door to the office.

 

 

“Jace?” Alec asked as he entered Jace’s office. “You here?”

“Yeah, what’s up buddy?” Jace said from across the room. Alec walked over to the desk, found a chair and sat down with a heavy sigh. “Something that serious, huh?”

“Kinda,” Alec said leaning his head back and sighing again.

“Come on, Alec, talk to me,” Jace said putting down his work.

“What do you look like?” Alec asked lifting his head.

Jace’s eyebrows knit together for a second.

“What does Izzy look like? What does mom look like now?” Alec asked.  
“Alec, what’s going on? This hasn’t been a big deal to you before,” Jace said getting up from behind the desk to sit in the chair next to his friend.

“I don’t know…” Alec said sighing again and slumping in the chair. “I haven’t seen anything since I was two, and I haven’t really cared.”

“Except when you were about thirteen,” Jace reminded him with a little smile.

“Oh god, don’t remind me,” Alec groaned, covering his face with a hand.  
“I thought it was cute,” Jace teased.

“But we did that stupid thing they show in movies with blind people all the time, touching each other’s faces with our hands,” Alec said still mortified.

“Alec, that’s where we got the idea,” Jace said placing a hand on Alec’s arm. “I don’t regret that.”

Alec lifted his hand from his face and turned his head to Jace. “Really?”

“Really, Alec. We were young and silly and having fun. It was the best six months I had ever had,” Jace said honestly.

“I really enjoyed it too,” Alec said quietly.

“I think we’re stronger parabatai for it,” Jace said leaning back in his chair.

“You do?”

“Of course I do! No one knows me better than you and no one knows you better than me,” Jace said matter-of-factly. “Which has me a bit worried about what you said. Clearly something has been eating at you for a bit and you haven’t come to me yet.”

“I’m sorry, Jace,” Alec said standing up and wandering the room. “Things have been busy with the new client.”

“Magnus Bane?” Jace asked smirking.

“Yeah, Magnus is having such a tough time with his vision loss and I’m trying very hard to do my job well,” Alec said. “He seems like someone who is used to being in control of himself and his magic and this is a difficult change to happen to anyone. But…”

“But what, Alec?” Jace asked, watching Aec walk around the room.

Alec turned around and faced Jace. “I’m finding myself getting distracted. I can’t focus.” He ran his hands through his already messy hair. “I’m afraid I can’t do my job properly and that it’s going to hurt Magnus’ chances.”

“Alec, you really need to stop being so hard on yourself,” Jace said. “That’s my job in the boxing ring.” Alec snorted a laugh. “Magnus has been here, what, 3 or 4 days?” Alec nodded. “And in that time he’s been able to leave his room, eat food fairly decently, and he’s already started walking with the cane?”

“You saw that?” Alec asked.

“Yeah, I was one of the people sitting on the bench you guys navigated around,” Jace said.

“Why didn’t you say something?” Alec asked sitting down again.

“Because you were doing such a good job and I didn’t want to interrupt,” Jace shrugged. “You know Izzy and I like watching you work. It’s amazing what you can do.”

Alec blushed a little. “Uh, thanks.”

“I’m serious here,” Jace said leaning over to Alec. “No matter how much you like Magnus you are still doing a good job with him. I have confidence that you’ll do everything you can for him.”

“Uh, what? What do you mean…” Alec stuttered.

“Alec, come on,” Jace said laughing. “Everyone and their mother can tell you like him.”

“Mom knows?!” Alec said loudly.

Jace laughed. “No, she hasn’t been around to see you. It was just an expression, Alec. Man, you really are hung up aren’t you?”

Alec sighed, “Yeah... it seems that way…”

“Good!” Jace said slapping his friend on the shoulder. “He’s pretty cute, too.”

“That!” Alec said. “That I want to know about. What does he look like?”

Jace decided to tease Alec picking out things he would already know. “Well, he’s shorter than you. He has a very nice voice. He always smells like sandalwood.”

“Jace, you are a cruel friend,” Alec groaned.

“What can I say? I guess, you’ll just have to find out for yourself,” Jace said with a twinkle in his eye.

Alec stood up and gently punched Jace on the arm. “I’m apparently not getting any help here, so I’ll leave.” He started to leave and turned at the door. “This sort of thing is why we broke up, you know.”

Jace laughed, “It’s not my fault you couldn’t handle all this charm!” He leaned back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head. “Seriously though, just ask him, Alec, I’m sure he’d tell you.”

Alec smirked and gave Jace a rude gesture with his hand as he left, Jace’s laughter getting louder.

 

 

“Tomorrow?” Magnus said wringing his hands together.

“Yes, Mr. Bane,” Dr. Branwell said, “I’d like to do this as soon as we can. If this can fix this without any other unnecessary experimentation that would be the best.”

“How long would it take?” Catarina asked for Magnus who looked lost for words.

“About an hour,” Lydia said turning to her. “Recovery doesn’t take very long as well. However I have scheduled some extra time due to the unique nature of his eyes.”

“Have you operated on Warlock marks before?” Magnus asked.

“I have not,” Lydia said to him. “But I assure you that I will have two others with me who have. They are not eye specialists like me but they will be able to assist if it is needed.”

“And I’ll be here, too,” Catarina said putting a hand on Magnus’ hands.

“Yes,” Dr. Branwell agreed. “It truly is a very routine surgery that many people have had done. It has a very high success rate.”

Magnus nodded very slowly. “Okay, I guess if this is my fastest track to get my sight back then let’s do it,” he said.

“Great. We have it scheduled at 10 o’clock. We’ll have someone come and escort you at 9:15am,” Dr. Branwell said standing from her desk.

“Wonderful, I’ll have the concierge set up my wake-up call,” Magnus said with a half smirk as he stood up with a flourish. Catarina rolled her eyes as she stood up as well.

“Come along, Magnus,” Catarina said putting one of his hands on her arm. “Thank you, Dr. Branwell. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“That’s what I’m hoping,” Magnus mumbled as they left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been a huge fan of Jace, but I know Alec is, so I thought I'd give him a little gift in this story. ;)  
> (I've got no hate for Jalec fans, or any other shippers for that matter. There's enough love for everyone!)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makeup, Confessions and what comes after that.

Later that evening Alec heard giggling as he reached Magnus’ room. He knocked on the door but it moved open as he did. The giggling coming from the bathroom was one he recognized.

“Izzy?” Alec called.

“In here, big brother!” Izzy called back. “We’re playing with make-up. Come on in.” Alec walked over the the bathroom and stood in the doorway.

“You two having fun?” Alec asked, a small smile on his face.

“Well, either I look like the most fabulous clown ever, or I look like the most fabulous Magnus Bane everyone knows and love.” Magnus said turning to Alec. “What do you think?”

“Uh, I, uh…” Alec said standing up straight and crossing his arms.

“Oh, you don’t kn... “ Izzy started to say to Magnus, stopping herself when she saw Alec’s face.

“What?” Magnus asked an eyebrow raising.

“I mean, you don’t ask Alec,” Izzy said quickly, “he doesn’t know anything about makeup.”

“Uh, yeah, it’s.. Uh…” Alec stuttered, “It’s never really been something I’ve taken any notice of.”

“That’s too bad,” Magnus said with an audible pout. “So much glitter and color, I just can’t get enough of the stuff.”

“Indeed,” Izzy said deciding to help her brother out. “We put a fabulous red and pink eyeshadow that is just chock full of glitter. The eyeliner is a sparkly white.”

“Yes, I was surprised how easy it was to apply that lipstick as well.” Magnus said pressing his lips together. “You said the pink lipstick matched the eyeshadow, right?”

“Yup, I made sure,” Izzy said smiling. “I would not steer you wrong on this, believe me.” Magnus smiled and turned to Alec still in the doorway.

“Fabulous or not?” Magnus asked.

“Sounds pretty fabulous to me,” Alec said shrugging, crossing his arms tighter over his chest. He decided to take himself out of the situation before making things worse and walked back into the main bedroom area. He sat down at the desk and sighed quietly.

Magnus’ eyebrows knit together for a split second and he lowered his face.

“Well, it was my first try,” Magnus said trying to not sound defeated. “I’ll get it one day…”

“Magnus, you did a great job,” Izzy said, putting an arm around him. “You really look great.”

“Well, thank you, my dear,” Magnus said softly. “I’ll try again another day. I guess I’m just not ready for it yet. Is this the makeup remover?” He held up a bottle.

“Yes,” Izzy said.

“Thanks,” Magnus said. “Doesn’t seem to be any reason to keep this on right now.” He pulled out some cotton pads and started to remove the makeup. Izzy was about to protest but stopped.

“I’ll be right back, Magnus,” Izzy said softly touching his shoulder as she left the room. “Alec, hallway, now.” Alec started at the command.

He slowly stood up not looking forward to the coming conversation. He followed his sister out of Magnus’ room. Izzy closed the door behind him and walked down the hallway a few steps.

“Izzy, wait,” Alec said. She turned around so abruptly that he almost bumped into her.

“Why doesn’t he know that you’re blind too?”

“I don’t know…” Alec started.

“Alec.” Izzy crossed her arms and glared at him.

“Izzy, it… it just never came up,” Alec said his arms slumped down his sides.

“What? You didn’t think to tell him that you know what he’s going through? How is that not something you use in counseling him?” Izzy tried not to shout.

“I… I didn’t want him to pity me,” Alec said quietly.

“What do you mean?” Izzy asked.

“Every time, Izzy. Every. Time. I tell someone that I’m blind they change the way they speak to me,” Alec said waving his hands around to emphasize his words.

“They do not, Alec…” Izzy started.

“Yes, Izzy. Everyone. Every time. You’re not always with me when I meet people. You weren’t there all the time when we were in Alicante,” Alec said. “The second they know I’m blind is the second their tone changes to pity with a slight tinge of condescension. Like suddenly I lost intelligence points. I’m suddenly a poor little child who needs pity and guidance. Like I don’t know how to do anything for myself. For goodness sake, Mom hardly lets me out of here. Why, after reading the illustrious history we have on Magnus Bane, would I ever tell him I’m blind? Especially now.”

“Alec… I…’” Izzy shifted her stance into one of contrition. “I had no idea. I’m sorry.” Alec rubbed his hands over his face then through his hair.

“I’m sorry too, Izzy,” he said his hands on the back of his neck. “I didn’t mean to blow up at you. It’s just something that’s been stewing for a while.” He dropped his hands to his sides again.

“I’m glad you did,” she said reaching out to take his hands in hers. “Clearly you needed to let that out.”

“Using your expertise on me now?” Alec said with a tiny smile.

“No, this is purely concerned sister talk right now,” Izzy said pulling him in for a hug. “Thank you for telling me how you feel.”

“Sorry I didn’t say something before now,” Alec said returning the hug,

“You know you need to tell him, right?” Izzy said looking up at Alec.

“Yes, I know,” Alec said with resignation.

“Especially now, he’s probably in there thinking you don’t like him very much,” Izzy said patting him on the arm. “You should go talk to him now.” Alec sighed.

“Okay,” Alec said trying to build his courage.

“It’ll be okay, Alec.”

“I guess I’ll go and find out,” Alec said pulling out of the hug.

“Good,” Izzy said, gently pushing him back to the door. “Tell me how it goes later.”

Alec nodded as he gently opened the door and walked in.

 

 

“Isabelle, can you bring me my shirt? I think I left it on the bed,” Magnus called from the bathroom when he heard his door open. He had scrubbed at his face as hard as he could to make sure all of the makeup was off. His hair dripped wet on his forehead after he splashed cold water on his face. He hoped it would hide the few tears that had slid out while he was cleaning up. He toweled his face down and sighed in exasperation with himself.

“Is this the one?” Alec’s voice appeared next to him.

“Uh, if it was on the bed then yeah, it’s the one,” Magnus forced himself to say. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Alec said trying not to think about Magnus being shirtless in front of him.

“Where did Izzy go?” Magnus asked as he slid the silky shirt on over his head.

“She had to go meet a client,” Alec said, pretty sure she would actually be meeting clients later that night, the vampires probably.

“That’s too bad, I enjoy her company,” Magnus said as he walked by Alec out of the bathroom. He walked over to the bureau to find his shoes next to it. He walked back to the armchair and flopped down to put them on.

“Um, Magnus, I really need to tell you something,” Alec said, taking a deep breath.

“Hold that thought, Alec,” Magnus said. “Can it be saved for tomorrow? I need to get home and I’d like to do it sooner rather than later.”

“But… you said…” Alec said not finding the words he needed.

“I know. And I said I would be back and I will. I have that surgery tomorrow,” Magnus said as he stood up. “If I’m to be up bright and early for that I need to go home now.”

“How... how are you getting there?” Alec asked.

“It’s New York. By taxi of course,” Magnus said heading for the door after grabbing his wallet and cane.

“Magnus, wait,” Alec said moving to get in front of him. “I’ll go with you, you don’t even know how to get out of here.”

“Yes I do. Well... someone around here does and I was just going to ask the first someone I came upon,” Magnus said with tight lips. “You don’t need to come along out of pity, Alec. I’ll make my own way.”

“Will you just wait a minute, please Magnus,” Alec said grabbing his shoulders. “Please, I just want one minute then we can go.”

Magnus stood back and crossed his arms, holding the cane in the crook of an elbow. He turned his head to the side, away from Alec. He was pretty sure he didn’t want to hear what he had to say. He was embarrassed enough and knew he couldn’t handle much more humiliation. But there was no way he would let Alec know that so he faced him.

“What, Alec? Go ahead and tell me so I can get out of here,” Magnus said with more bitterness than he meant to let out. He was sure Alec was going to lecture him on how he wasn’t ready to leave and join the rest of society. Magnus was afraid of so many possible things Alec could say to him.

“Ok, maybe, uh, maybe you should sit down,” Alec suggested rubbing the back of his head nervously.

“I’m fine right here, Alec,” Magnus said icily.

“Right, ok, well, you know earlier when you asked how your makeup was?” Alec said, deciding to just dive in.

“Yes,” Magnus said, “First, because it was like five minutes ago, and second, because you saw how much of a mess I was and walked out.”

“That is not why I walked out,” Alec said, mortified that Izzy was right. “Magnus, I was just uncomfortable that I couldn’t answer your question honestly.”

“Now what the hell does that mean?” Magnus said shaking his head in confusion.

“Magnus,” Alec said his hands dropping to his sides limply. He took a deep breath and said “I’m blind.”

Magnus’ mouth opened slightly in shock. Alec shifted uncomfortably in the silence.

“Say something… please.” Alec begged, deciding the silence was worse than any sort of response he had imagined.

Magnus shook his head slightly and hurt and anger came bubbling to the surface. “Is this some sort of joke? Are you making fun of me,

Alec? Because this is not funny at all,” Magnus almost yelled. “How could…”

“No, Magnus, I’m not joking,” Alec said quickly. “This is not something I would joke about, believe me. I’ve been blind most of my life.”

Magnus didn’t know what to say. He stepped back and made his way to the chair by the bed and sat down. He dropped the cane down next to the chair to free his hands. He rubbed them over his face trying to make some sense of the situation. He had a million questions but decided on one.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you’re Magnus Bane,” Alec said softly.

“That’s hardly an answer,” Magnus scoffed.

“Because you are an important person, with amazing power and abilities, an amazing past and then I met you and you were lovely,” Alec sighed, surprising himself. “I just couldn’t handle your pity.”

Magnus was once again speechless. He wanted to both shake and kiss the young man. This whole thing is absurd, he thought. Magnus started laughing. It started as a soft giggle then built into full belly laughter until his sides hurt.

Alec was once again thrown by a Magnus laughing fit. This whole thing is a disaster, he thought.

Magnus controlling his laughter finally, uncrossed his legs and stood up, leaving the cane on the floor. He slowly made his way over to Alec.

Alec felt more than heard Magnus approaching. They were standing awfully close and Alec wanted to reach out but was stopping himself.

Magnus reached out instead and found Alec’s hand.

“How could I pity you, Alexander?” Magnus said softly. “You are clearly an amazingly capable man.” He rubbed his thumb along Alec’s knuckles. The skin felt smooth under Magnus’ touch. “I was worried you were pitying me. A High Warlock unable to do his magic effectively and safely or even get around by himself? Quite a pitiful image.”

“You are not pitiful, Magnus,” Alec said earnestly then smiled. “Yes, you may whine a bit,” Magnus snorted a single laugh, “but you still do everything you put your mind to. That’s admirable.”

“Let’s be honest, we’re both pitiful,” Magnus said with a laugh in his voice. “We could have avoided this all if we just talked.”

“You’re probably right,” Alec said with a smile. His focus moved to his hand where Magnus’ thumb still moved languidly. “Hey, your magic!”

“What about it?” Magnus said arching an eyebrow.

“You’re controlling it!” Alec said squeezing Magnus’ hand.

“Oh!” Magnus exclaimed. He let Alec’s hand go and held his hands in front of his face like he could look at them. He took a breath and tried to focus his magic around his hands. He felt the familiar surge of power from his fingertips.

“Is that your magic?” Alec asked. “I felt a pressure change and now it sounds a little like a fireplace.”

“Yes, that would be it. I’m just curling it around my hands right now. I figure I should try something small first,” Magnus said moving his hands around to feel the flickering magic move with him.

Alec followed the sound with his head. “This is pretty great, now I can tell where your hands are.”

“Hmm, I’ll remember that for another time,” Magnus teased.

“Is it safe to touch?” Alec asked. “I mean, is it safe for me?”

“Yes,” Magnus smirked. He held his hands out in front of him.

Alec hesitantly reached up to where the gentle crackling sound floated. His breath hitched as his fingers first brushed the magic. Magnus curled his fingers around Alec’s hand, completely enveloping them with his magic.

“It’s warm,” Alec said quietly. “Like a cozy blanket.”

Magnus smiled. “I don’t think the demons have ever thought that when they meet my magic.”

“I’d like to think you weren’t this gentle with them,” Alec said chuckling.

“Fair,” Magnus said. “And because of that I should probably stop. I don’t want to push my luck right now. I couldn’t bear it if I hurt you.” He let the magic trickle back to nothing.

Alec felt the warmth disappear and couldn’t help but feel the loss of the connection. He could still feel Magnus’ hands in his own but it was so much more intimate before.

Magnus was positively glowing with happiness at the progress with his magic that without thinking he pulled Alec closer and found his lips with his own. He stepped into the kiss lifting his head to reach Alec better.

 

Alec gasped lightly as he felt himself being pulled towards Magnus. Suddenly Magnus was kissing him. Alec leaned into the kiss letting it take over, wanting to taste every millimeter of Magnus’ soft lips. Alec had been wanting to kiss Magnus pretty much since he met him and he wanted to savour the moment. He pulled Magnus’ arms around him and freed his hands to wrap around Magnus to pull him closer.

 

Magnus let his hands wander over the tall man’s back trying to memorize each muscle. He sighed into Alec’s mouth when they parted a moment for air. He dove back in for a more languid kiss letting his lips open to gently suck on Alec’s bottom lip. Magnus smiled as a delicious moan escaped Alec’s mouth.

 

Alec didn’t want this kiss ever to end. He ran a hand up Magnus’ back to the back of his neck. He tried pulling Magnus closer while burying his fingers into his hair. There was little space between them, if at all, but Alec wanted more. He moaned again into Magnus’ mouth as his tongue explored wildly, wanting to be everywhere at once.

 

Magnus was melting. His hands had affixed themselves to Alec’s shoulders. Magnus coiled his tongue around Alec’s, trying to keep up with the movement. He barely had two brain cells rubbing together that were still making rational thought and worked really hard to activate them. Magnus hissed in pleasure as Alec’s teeth gently bit his own bottom lip. There was barely anything he wanted more than to stay in this moment. Magnus put his hands on Alec’s chest and gently pulled away from the breathtaking kiss.

“Alexander,” Magnus said softly. “We should stop.”

“Wh...Why?” Alec asked breathlessly, unable to hide his disappointment.

“Believe me, I really would like that to continue,” Magnus said with a very deep sigh of regret. “But, I really must get to my loft tonight.”

“Right…” Alec said starting to pull away.

“However, I believe you said something about accompanying me there?” Magnus said running his hands down Alec’s arms slowly.

Alec smiled and said, “Right.” His brain was too full of fog to find any other words right now. He pulled Magnus to him again giving him another kiss.

“Ah...Alexander,” Magnus said when Alec moved his mouth down to Magnus’ neck. Magnus moaned softly as Alec sucked and bit just below his ear.

Alec pulled back, leaving Magnus rocking on his feet trying to keep his balance. Alec chuckled.

“Well, that was rude,” Magnus exclaimed once he caught his breath.

“Shall we get going then?” Alec asked innocently. Magnus huffed as he went to retrieve the cane. He turned back to Alec.

“My cat is very, very lucky that I love him and my own bed right now,” Magnus almost growled. “Let’s get moving, hot lips.” Alec laughed and offered Magnus his elbow.

“Yes, let’s.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some interesting information comes to light and a taxi ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short chapter this time. Finally caught up to where I'm actually writing and the next part is coming along slowly. 
> 
> Thanks everyone for the kind comments and the kudos! You keep me writing!! <3<3<3<3<3

The Institute was busier than normal that evening and Alec was very close to having a hard time getting around all the people rushing around the corridors. He could tell Magnus was not enjoying it either. His grip on Alec’s arm would get tighter every time his cane bumped into someone not paying attention. A lot of “Oh, I’m sorry!” and “Oh! Didn’t see you there.” and “Oh, shit, sorry!” surrounded them as they walked towards the entrance.

“What on earth is going on?” Magnus asked, resisting the urge to hit people with his cane.

“I have no idea, I better check it out though,” Alec said, turning them to head for his parents’ offices. “It hopefully won’t take too long.”

“The Chairman can wait a couple more minutes, I guess,” Magnus said, his brow creasing with both concern and curiosity. They made their way down a few more corridors until Alec was knocking on the door frame of a room as they entered.

“Alec!” Magnus remembered Robert Lightwood’s voice from the other day.

“Dad, what’s going on? Why is there so many people here? Was there an accident?” Alec asked quickly.

“Oh no, nothing like that. We just have to prepare the Institute quickly. Valentine Morgenstern is coming tomorrow,” Robert said as he swallowed audibly. “We just got the fire message about five minutes ago.”

“Why the short notice?” Magnus asked.

“Uh, well, it’s about another patient so I can’t really talk about it,” Robert said. “Alec would you mind escorting Mr. Bane back to his room and then we can talk.”

“Dad, we were just about to head outside for some training,” Alec said, his dad didn’t need to know where they were going.

“Okay, then Mr. Bane, would you mind waiting in the hallway for a few minutes while I talk to my son?” Robert asked.

“Of course, Mr. Lightwood” Magnus said and turned to find the door.

“Magnus, there’s a bench to the right when you leave the room,” Alec offered.

Before Magnus could reply he heard and felt the door closing sharply behind him. Well, that was unnecessary, he thought. He pursed his lips in determination as he found the bench and sat down. He was tempted to try and eavesdrop but wasn’t sure if it would work or if he would accidentally make a real hole in the wall. He sighed, squared his shoulders and waited.

 

 

“Dad, you didn’t need to slam the door,” Alec said, concerned that Magnus might take it personally.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m just a bit frazzled,” Robert said as he headed back for his desk.

“Why is Mr. Morgenstern coming?” Alec asked, leaning against the wall.

“Not just Val, he’s bringing the whole family.”

Alec pushed off the wall in surprise. “J-Jocelyn, too?” he asked. His hands suddenly clammy, he rubbed them on his hips nervously.

“Yes,” Robert said after a breath. “Luke as well.”

“Oh,” was all Alec could say. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” Robert put down the books he was fiddling with and stood by his son. “Alec, you don’t have to be there when they arrive if you don’t want to.” He put an arm around Alec’s back and pulled him in for a hug. Alec leaned down into it, putting his head on his shoulder.

“It’s okay, Dad. I should be there,” He stood up and patted his father’s arm. “But I do want to know why now?”

“Well, you know we thought both of the Morgenstern children died that day,” Robert said carefully.

“Yes, I’m quite aware of that,” Alec said shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“Well, we apparently were wrong.”

“What?!” Alec exclaimed.

“After the DNA results came back we’ve found that one of Jace’s charges, the young woman with amnesia, is actually Clarissa Morgenstern,” Robert said, swiping his hand over his head.

“How is this even possible?” Alec asked.

“I don’t know, Val is bringing a whole group of people to try and help find that out,” Robert said sitting down at his desk. “So that’s why it’s crazy around here. We’re getting the rooms ready and also making sure the New York Institute is in top form for their arrival.”

“This is a lot, Dad. I don’t even know what to do with this,” Alec sighed. “Is it still okay if I take Magnus out for training. I kind of need to get out of here for a moment.”

“Of course, Alec. But only if it won’t hinder Mr. Bane’s training.”

“It won’t,” Alec said straightening his posture.

“I know, son,” Robert said smiling. “I’m very proud of you, by the way.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Alec said with a small smile. “I better get going.”

“Alright, don’t be out too late, you know how your mother gets.”

“Yes, I do know,” Alec said with exasperation. He turned and found the door and left the room. Robert watched with a look of concern, letting the phone ring a couple times before answering it and heading back into the sudden chaos.

 

 

Magnus stood up when he heard the door open to his left. He had been amusing himself by rolling the cane in his hands making the chain at the top wrap and unwrap on the handle. He was relieved that he didn’t have to wait much longer.

“Magnus? Ready to go?” Alec asked.

“Yes, are you okay?” Magnus said, sensing the tension in the other man’s voice.

“Yeah, I guess. I think so. I will be. Let’s just get out of here to begin with.”

“Okay, lead the way, Alexander,” Magnus said, finding Alec’s arm out for him. His arm is definitely more tense, Magnus thought. Curiosity was burning through him but decided to wait for Alec to tell him if he wanted. They walked the hallways in silence, dodging the people still rushing around. They turned one more corner and were suddenly outside. Magnus took a deep breath of the evening air.

“That’s much better,” Magnus said, his shoulders relaxing. He hadn’t realized how tense he had been since arriving at the Institute.

“I’m wondering if I should take that as an insult,” Alec said with a small laugh in his voice. “You know I do live here.”

“Not an insult, dear, just a man who likes his freedom,” Magnus said taking another deep breath. “Shall we find a taxi?”

“Yeah.” Alec and Magnus made their way to the curb. Alec using the moment to teach Magnus how to find the curb with the cane to prevent them accidentally stepping down into traffic. Alec lifted a hand each time he heard the distinctive rumble of a taxi cab until one finally pulled up to them. Alec smirked when Magnus made a noise after he told him to use his cane to find the car and then the door. Magnus opened the door and Alec jumped in scooting all the way over. Magnus slowly got in, making sure he knew where the seat was as he sat down.

“Uh, what do I do with this?” Magnus asked.

“Oh, slide the cane down the side of the car along the front passenger seat. Between you and the door.” Alec heard some clunking and banging and a couple curse words. “You get it?”

“Yes, finally.”

“Where to, gentlemen?” The driver’s voice was patient and reminded Alec of his father’s booming voice. Magnus gave him the address. “Got it, buckle up you two.”

 

 

Alec became increasingly nervous as the taxi took them further into the city than he had ever been. He was certain they had passed the diner Jace and Izzy had taken him to when he turned 21 and that was 2 years ago. He rubbed a sweaty palm on his jeans then traced the rune on his neck. He wondered why they still called it True North when they had mixed it with so many other runes. He tried to steady his breathing to calm his racing heartbeat.

“Are you okay, Alec?” Magnus asked quietly next to him.

“Yeah,” Alec said, his voice steady. He had practiced so hard to hide any anxieties from everyone for so long it was easy to do. “Is it much further to your place?”

“I’m not sure,” Magnus huffed. “I’m not used to traveling this way.”

“Right, sorry,” Alec winced.

“No worries. But, I think we might be there soon. I don’t think I live too far away from the Institute,” Magnus said. Alec heard a sound he wasn’t familiar with and finally figured it was Magnus’ rings clinking against his necklaces as he played with them. Seems Magnus is just as nervous as I am, Alec thought. That seemed to unravel a knot he didn’t realize he had in his stomach as he went into training mode. Even though this was literally new territory for himself, it was always harder for those going back to something that was supposed to be familiar. Jace talked about it all the time. He was always out in the field working with people in their homes and workplaces. The recent months have been an abnormality with Jace being at the Institute more often. Thanks to that amnesia girl. Clarissa Morgenstern, he corrected himself. He shook his head slightly to get that thought out of his head. Now was not the time to worry about that. He had to help Magnus.

“Here we are, boys. You two need any help up there?” The taxi driver said as he pulled up to the curb.

“No, we should be fine,” Alec said quickly. “Will we be facing the building when we get out of the car?”

“Uhhh,” the driver said leaning over to look out the window. “Looks like it. The door will be a little to the right.”

“Thank you,” Alec said as Magnus opened the door.

“You sure you don’t need any help?” the driver asked again.

“Thank you very much for the offer, but we will be just fine,” Magnus said as he handed the man a few bills. “Will this be enough?”

Alec heard a small gasp from the driver.

“Much more than enough!” he said excitedly. “Are you sure? I don’t want to stiff you guys.”

“It’s quite alright,” Magnus said waving a hand. He fumbled with the cane for a bit trying to free it.

“Now, put your cane out of the car first, before you get out,” Alec advised.

Magnus stuck the cane tip out and found the curb, he climbed out of the car with Alec following closely behind.

“Thanks, boys! You have a great night!” the driver said as Magnus closed the door. Alec nodded in the direction of the driver.

“How much did you give him?” Alec asked.

“Apparently way more than I needed to,” Magnus said sighing. “Thankfully I’m a wealthy man. My work is pretty constant with you Nephilim no longer on demon removal duty.”

“I’m glad we’ve been of help to you,” Alec laughed. “Okay, let’s get inside. Lead the way, rich man.” Magnus scoffed as he made his way to the building, tapping his cane nervously in front of him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At Magnus' loft.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 9! Enjoy!

After what felt like an hour Magnus sighed quietly with relief when his cane hit the hardwood of his apartment floor. The front door hadn’t taken very long to find but the stairs were horrifying. They had been pretty bad when walking down with Catarina’s aid, but doing it himself with just the cane to walk up them was highly unpleasant. Alec patiently coached him on each step. They stood in the entryway next to each other.

“Well, I guess I’m just going to have to be okay with not looking cool, calm and confident in front of you, Alexander,” Magnus said turning to him. His frayed nerves making him slightly out of breath. “That was awful. Stairs are awful. Why do I even have them? From now on I’m only going to use portals.”

Alec chuckled.

“I’m serious, I may not be confident enough to go long distances with portalling, but I think I can at least portal from here to the street.”

“That seems like quite the waste of magic, Magnus.”

“Hmph, it’s my magic, and I’ll do with it as I please.” Magnus waved his hand and he felt his magic flicker to life. He reached over to Alec and ran his fingers over his shoulder, letting some sparks trail from his fingertips across his back and down his spine.

“Oh!” Alec breathed with surprise.

“Oh, indeed,” Magnus smirked. He pulled away abruptly and clapped his hands twice. “Chairman! Daddy’s home! Come here you little scamp.” He heard a loud thump from his bedroom and tiny feet padding across the hall quickly to him. He reached down and found the cat, scratching under his chin. “Did you miss me? Was that mean ol’ Ragnor just terrible to you? I’m so sorry, little one.” He scooped the cat up into his arms.

“Alexander, I’d like you to meet Chairman Meow. Chairman Meow, this is Alexander.”

“Uh, hi there, kitty,” Alec said as he let the cat sniff at his hand. Magnus felt the cat start to purr in his arms.

“Aww, he likes you.”

“He seems pretty sweet, actually listening to you when you call for him.” Alec pet the cat behind his ears. “We had a cat when I was younger, well, there was a cat at the Institute. He never listened to anyone. His name was Church. Is Church. I have no idea if he’s alive or not, though. Just disappeared one day.”

“I’m sorry, Alec, that must have been just awful, not knowing when he would be back. I would be beside myself if this little guy ran away.” Magnus brought the cat up to his face and cuddled. The cat was not pleased and let Magnus know by scrabbling with his claws to get away. Magnus dropped the cat and cursed.

“Damn that cat!”

“That’s cats for you, they love you until they don’t,” Alec laughed. “Come here, are you hurt?” Magnus felt Alec’s hands gently touch his arms. He felt his skin tingle as Alec’s fingers searched for any wounds.

“I..I think I’m fine,” Magnus’ voice fluttered for a moment.

“Seems like nothing but goosebumps, are you cold?”

Magnus felt his face flush slightly. “No, I’m just having a hard time concentrating on anything but your hands.”

Alec chuckled softly.“Well, I can fix that.” Alec’s hands disappeared from Magnus’ skin. “We should take care of your cat first.”

“I like the sound of first. Means there might be something after.” Magnus raised his eyebrows.

“I guess it does.”

Magnus could hear the smile in Alec’s voice and grinned.

 

 

Magnus took Alec on a tour of the apartment as best as he could. Some of the things he thought he remembered their locations seemed to be in different spots. His couch was much closer to the windows or has it always been there? His drink stand seemed much closer to the kitchen. Maybe Ragnor was messing with him, or everything was just different.

“This place seems so different now” Magnus furrowed his brows in concentration.

“That is something you are not alone in. Those that have sight before always try to match it to how they remember instead of trusting what they are finding with their canes or their ears. I bet everything sounds a little different now.”

Magnus stopped for a moment and turned his head from side to side, listening. “ I don’t notice a difference.”

“I meant when you’re walking around. Most people don’t pay too much attention to the sounds around them when they have vision to rely on.”

“I suppose not,” Magnus said and continued to navigate the living room. He could hear his cane taps making different sounds as he changed floor surfaces and when he was near something. “Very interesting…”

After a while he felt more comfortable with the layout, but felt like he was missing something.

“I think I’ve got it, but something’s not right… I think something isn’t here anym… oh, right… I forgot.”

“What?” Alec asked, standing next to Magnus.

“When I first woke up with my eyes being all… you know. I was pissed off and I blew up my favorite lamp because it hit me in the face.”

Magnus rubbed his nose in memory of the pain. “Well, I walked face first into it, to be honest.”

“Oh, I am really envious,” Alec said laughing. “There are so many things I walked into that I would have loved to blow up when I was younger.”

“I can only imagine! I would not like to see teenage hormones plus magic plus any disability.” Magnus shuddered as he walked into the kitchen.

“I actually don’t like to call this a disability.” Alec said quietly. “I like to think of it more like a characteristic. Like, how someone is left-handed, or they have a great singing voice, it’s just another thing that makes people who they are.”

“That’s actually a lovely way to look at it, Alexander.” Magnus said while searching for the cat food bag in a cupboard. He filled the giant free-feeder he bought years ago, knowing there were many times he would be out of town. He heard Chairman Meow’s tiny feet moving fast across the floor before the sound of frenetic crunching replaced it. He returned the bag with a fond smile and turned to refresh the bowl of water. He held the bowl under the faucet then felt water spilling over the edges.

“Oh crap!” Magnus turned the water off and poured a little of the water out before placing it on the floor next to the food bowl. He was sure he was trailing water everywhere.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just making a watery mess over here.” Magnus found a towel hanging from a cupboard handle and dabbed at his sleeves. “I’m afraid I’ve ruined this shirt. How am I supposed to fill his water bowl without destroying my wardrobe?”

“A helpful little trick, when filling the bowl or a cup put the first couple knuckles of your finger in over the edge so you can feel when the water level reaches it.”

“Oh, that’s really simple! Thanks, Alec. Saving the day as always.” He smirked. Alec chuckled.

Magnus walked around the kitchen counter to stand next to Alec who was leaning against it.

“How did you become so comfortable with your blindness?”

Alec snorted a little laugh. “I wouldn’t say I’m comfortable with it. I just don’t remember much of being any other way. I mean, I have a couple memories from when I was sighted, but I was so young that they’ve blurred with time.”

“How old were you?”

“Two years old. It was during the Uprising.”

“I’m so sorry, Alec.” Magnus placed a hand on Alec’s arm.

“Thanks, Magnus, but it was a long time ago and I’m okay now,” Alec said with a smile. He put his hand on top of Magnus’. He chuckled.

“You really did make a mess, your shirt is still soaking! Why haven’t you gone and changed? Can’t have you getting sick before the surgery.”

“It’s.. uh… actually the reason is rather embarrassing.” Magnus pulled his hand back and rubbed on the wet shirt sleeve. “Plus it’s still a million degrees outside so there’s no chance of getting sick from being cold.”

“Magnus,” Alec said softly. “Tell me the reason, please.”  
Magnus sighed and leaned his head back and shook it a little, “It’s just… I figured it would be too difficult to go into my closet and find something. I… don’t think I can go in there and… ugh, why is this so hard to say, it’s so silly.”

“It may seem like it’s silly, but it’s not. It sounds like something that’s important to you.”  
Magnus lowered his head and fiddled with his rings. “Yeah… it is. It’s like my sanctuary. No matter how horrible a day is, I can retreat there and be accosted by beautiful things. Things that make me feel beautiful. I’m afraid that I’ve lost that.” He let his hands drop to his sides.

“That didn’t sound silly at all, Magnus. That’s a valid fear.” Alec pushed away from the counter. “We don’t have to deal with it right now. But I do have one question.”  
Magnus waved a hand in response and quickly realized what he had done. “Go ahead, Alec, ask away.”

“May I see this magnificent collection?”

“Uh, why?”

“Well, with how both you and Miss Loss describe it my curiosity is quite piqued.” He smiled.  
Magnus smirked. “Ah, so you want to snoop.”

“Maybe,” Alec said with a shrug.

“Hmm, I suppose it’s okay if just you go in there.”

“You’ll have to lead the way,” Alec said. “I believe you left your room out of the tour.”

“Hmmm, I guess I did.” Magnus made his way over to the bedroom door. “It’s in here, If you go in and to the left you’ll find yourself in the walk-in after a few steps. There’s no actual door, it’s more of an archway right now.”

“Alright,” Alec said as he walked past. Magnus stood stock still at the bedroom door. He didn’t even want to step all the way into the room. This is where he woke up and discovered everything was wrong. This was the place he was supposed to feel safe. Now it just felt like he was intruding. Nothing felt right. He placed a trembling hand to his mouth. His breaths became uneven and he started worrying if he could get the next breath. He dropped the cane and slid to the floor, pulling his knees close to himself.

“Magnus, that room is beautiful! I can’t believe how much stuff you have!” Alec said as he came back towards the doorway. “Magnus?”  
Magnus tried to say something but all that came out was a choked sob.

“Magnus!” Alec followed the sound and sat down next to him. He put a hand on his back and started to slowly rub. “Breathe, Magnus. Focus only on breathing right now.” He sat with Magnus until his breathing steadied, speaking words of comfort and support softly.

“Th..thank you, Alexander,” Magnus said once he had his breathing more under control. “I don’t know what the hell happened. Everything was just too much suddenly.”

“I understand. It can be overwhelming.” Alec pulled him closer and Magnus about collapsed against him, letting his head lean on Alec’s shoulder.

“I just feel so ridiculous,” Magnus said quietly.

“I wish you wouldn’t. It’s not a sign of weakness if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“How is it not?” Magnus asked. “I’m too old to fall apart when I enter a room.”

“That’s not what happened.”

“Isn’t it?” Magnus asked incredulous.

“You just told me this was your sanctuary. A safe space. And now it’s probably feeling very different. LIke it’s not your place. Am I close?”

“How do you do that? Are you a secret mind reader? What tricksy rune have you used against me?” Magnus joked in defense. He sat up and turned to face Alec.

“No tricks, Magnus. Just that, as unique of an individual you are, in this you are not alone.” Alec reached with a hand along Magnus’ arm to find his hand. He intertwined their fingers. “Many other people get panic attacks, I even get them occasionally.”

“Really? You seem so laid back and carefree. I’d say almost as laid back as me when I had my vision, which is truly saying something.” Magnus managed a small smile as he ran his thumb along Alec’s.

“I’m not sure I’ve ever been called that before,” Alec laughed. “Focused and dedicated are more of the words I am given. Not exactly terms associated with the laid-back.”

“I suppose not. There’s just… an ease to you. A confident ease.”

“Well prepare to have that image shattered. I almost had a panic attack both before we left and then in the taxi on the way here.”

“Oh… I hope it wasn’t because of me.” Magnus said with chagrin.

“No, no, well maybe the one in the taxi could in a way…” Alec teased.

Magnus pulled his hand from Alec’s and wrapped his knees close to himself again. “I’m really sorry, Alec. I didn’t mean to cause…”

“Magnus, it’s not really your fault. It’s just because this is the furthest from the Institute I’ve been before. Not including Idris. I rarely leave the Institute.”

“Well, it really is my fault. I’m the one who wanted to come here and check on my cat. I’m the one who made you leave your comfort zone. I’m so sorry I’m a mess and brought you in on that.”

“I don’t see it like that. I have always wanted to explore and get out more. It’s really my parents who aren’t too happy about me heading out. They’re the ones who have made me so used to having a comfort zone that anything different was scary.”

Magnus made a sound, unconvinced.

“You really need to stop apologizing. If anything I should apologize for teasing you. Believe me, my problems have been around longer in my life than you have.” He put his hand on Magnus’ knee. “I’m really sorry, Magnus. I shouldn’t have teased. I also want to apologize because I think I triggered you by wanting to snoop in your closet.”

Magnus felt a smile spreading on his face. This damn Nephilim is really hard to stay mad at, he thought.

“I think we’re both sorry individuals.” Magnus chuckled and leaned back into Alec’s shoulder.

“Maybe…” Alec said with a small laugh.

“So, I heard some words when you found this hot mess on the floor, but I didn’t catch them. Did my closet live up to your expectations?”

“I thought it was beautiful, Magnus. It was quite overwhelming when I first went in. If it makes you feel better I felt properly accosted.” Alec smirked.

“Ha ha. It’s just a small room with clothes in it now,” Magnus sighed.

“Would it help if I described what I experienced?”

Magnus shrugged against Alec.

“Well,” Alec put his arms around Magnus, pulling him closer. “When I first walked in I knew without a doubt it was your space. It smelled like you times a million.” He leaned in and inhaled at Magnus’ neck to emphasize.

Magnus’ eyes widened at the sensation. He felt his own breath catch for a moment.

“Then when I went further in I was surrounded by so many different textures. Some that were covered in sharp edges,” Alec ran his fingers over Magnu’s rings languidly. “Some slinky and cool to the touch,” Alec ran a hand along Magnus’ silk sleeved arm. “Some warm and velvety,” Alec placed his hand on the side of Magnus’ face turning it towards him and stroking his thumb along his cheek.

Magnus felt his nerve endings crackle with electricity.

“It was beautiful, Magnus,” Alec breathed.

Magnus swallowed and closed the small distance between them, Alec’s hand guiding their mouths together. Their kiss full of heat and passion, Magnus’ head moving back as Alec pressed into it harder. Alec shifted his body to get a better angle, holding Magnus’ back with one arm. Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck, letting Alec lead him down to the floor. Their lips parted for a moment as Alec moved his legs out from underneath him and was then on all fours over Magnus. He leaned down and kissed Magnus softly. Magnus was too keyed up to let something that soft happen so he pulled Alec down on top of him and wrapped his arms around his back. Magnus let his tongue wander over Alec’s neck up to his chin where he bit gently. Alec, breathing heavily, took Magnus’ mouth with his own. Their mouths opening with a press of Alec’s tongue. Magnus moaned as their tongues met. He dug his fingertips into Alec’s back. Alec ran a hand up Magnus’ side, sliding under the silky shirt. Magnus shivered a little at the touch. Alec smiled in the kiss and pulled away.

“I told you that you would get a cold from this wet shirt.”

Magnus smirked. “Well, I guess I better take it off then.”

“I think that’s an excellent idea.”

“I’ll take it off on one condition.”

“Oh?” Alec said as he kissed along Magnus’ neck.

“That we take this to the bed.”

“Another excellent idea.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, chats about the past and how some can't let it go, prepping for surgery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's Chapter 10! Thanks for your patience! I was doing some contract work all last week so had hardly any time. But here it is! Enjoy!!

Alec sat up with a start at the sound of his phone’s alarm. He scrambled out of the twisted sheets, almost falling out of the bed trying to get to his phone. He found his pants near the end of the bed and fished out his phone. He turned the alarm off and sighed with relief. He heard a rustling behind him on the bed.

“Mmmmmpphh, what the hell was that?” Magnus said, voice still full of sleep. Alec smiled and crawled back onto the bed.

“Just time to get up is all.” Alec snuggled up to Magnus’ back, kissing him gently on his exposed shoulder.

“I don’t believe you, we just went to sleep five minutes ago.” Magnus buried his face into his pillow.

Alec chuckled. “Come on, it’s time to wake up. I’ve got to get you back for your surgery.” He felt Magnus’ body tense up.

“Hey, it’ll be okay,” Alec said as he pulled Magnus closer. “Did you know that I had the same surgery?”

“You did?” Magnus’ voice was fully awake now. He turned his head towards Alec.

“Yeah, when I was little. Not too long after the accident, actually.” He leaned down and kissed Magnus on his cheek. “You’ll be fine. There’s nothing to worry about. You don’t even know it’s happening.”

Magnus turned his whole body around and snuggled up to Alec.

“Doesn’t make me any less apprehensive.”

“That’s fair.”

“And would it be crass to point out that it apparently didn’t work for you?”

“That… is also fair,” Alec said with a little smirk. “And yes, it’s just a little crass.” He planted a kiss on Magnus’ forehead.

“Can I…” Magnus hesitated. “Can I ask what happened to you?”

Alec sighed. “I probably should tell you myself. You’ll probably hear a lot about it at the Institute once the Morgensterns get here.” He leaned back, letting his head fall into the soft pillow.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, of course,” Magnus said, placing a hand on Alec’s chest.

“I know, I want to tell you.” Alec placed a hand over Magnus’ and squeezed. He ran his other hand through his own tangled hair. “Like I said, I was two. Mom and Dad were in the Circle, you knew that right?”

“Yes, I’m aware of that.”

“At the time of the Uprising, Mom was pregnant with Izzy. They decided to go anyway, but they didn’t want to bring me because it was too dangerous. She left me with Jocelyn Morgenstern who was staying back with her two children.” Alec took a deep breath before saying their names for the first time in a very long time. “Jonathan and Clarissa.”

“Oh!” Magnus said in shock. “You were there?”

A small, sad smile crossed Alec’s face. “Yeah, I was.”

“Oh my dear Alec, I’m so sorry.” Magnus shifted closer to Alec and leaned his head on his chest. “How on earth did you survive?”

“Jocelyn was in my room trying to comfort me because I apparently wasn’t dealing well with being away from Mom for the first time. She saved me when the explosions happened. Just threw herself over me. I unfortunately had been looking in the right direction and that light was so bright… The other two were in a different room. They didn’t have a chance…” Alec covered his face with a hand at the memory. His eyes welling up with tears.

Magnus wrapped an arm around Alec’s torso in comfort.

“Dear gods, I wish I hadn’t said no…” Magnus said quietly through his own tears.

“What do you mean?” Alec’s eyebrows knitted into confusion.

“Valentine… He asked me to help the Circle that day,” Magnus said quietly, taking a deep breath and shaking his head slightly, “and I said no.”

Alec’s mouth opened to say something but no sound came out. No words formed.

“I didn’t trust him. I couldn’t trust him.” Magnus sat up and put a hand to his forehead. “I’m so sorry.”

Alec sat up and leaned his shoulder into Magnus’. “Hey, I get it. You don’t need to apologize. You made your decision based on your experiences with Shadowhunters.”

Magnus nodded and swallowed at the lump in his throat. “I still wish I had been there to protect you.”

“I know,” Alec said putting an arm around Magnus’ shoulders. He wrapped his other around Magnus pulling him into a hug, kissing him on the neck. “I’m glad you’re here now.”

Magnus smiled and said, “Yes, and now you’re the one protecting me.” He pressed his back against Alec’s chest. “From fiendish things like curbs and mailboxes and parking meters.”

“I do what I can,” Alec laughed. “All part of the job.” Magnus laughed along with him.

“Thank you, Alexander.”

“For what?” Alec tilted his head in question.

“For telling me what happened. I know it must not have been easy.”

“It actually felt good to get that out. I don’t really talk about it.” Alec smiled, his shoulders lifting as he took a deep breath.

“Good. I’m honored that you trusted me with it.”

“Well,” Alec smirked, “I think I proved that I trust you with a lot of things last night.”

“Oh, so true,” Magnus sighed happily. Alec bit playfully at Magnus’ shoulder and they both started to giggle.

 

 

“Magnus?” A familiar voice called out from the living room. “Magnus, I know you’re here.”

“Yes, Catarina, my dear, I am here. You caught me,” Magnus replied dramatically.

“I am assuming Mr. Lightwood is with you too?”

“Uh, yeah,” Alec’s voice caught. He cleared his throat and said, “Yes, Miss Loss.”

“Oh dear lord… You two better hustle,” Catarina said, still from the living room. “Your surgery is in half an hour!”

“Oh crap,” Alec said, jumping out of the bed. He quickly located all of his clothing and got dressed. He fumbled with the buttons on his shirt.

“Crap, crap, crap,” he mumbled.

“Alexander, darling,” Magnus said right next to him. “Take a breath, it’s okay.” He finished buttoning up Alec’s shirt and smoothed out the shoulders.

“Thanks,” Alec said softly and wrapped his arms around Magnus’ waist, finding nothing but warm skin. “You better get dressed too.”

“I will in a minute. Right now I just want to enjoy kissing you.” He placed a hand on Alec’s cheek and guided his face down into a deep and slow kiss. Alec’s hands slid down to Magnus’ bare hips, his fingertips pressing as he pulled him closer. Magnus wrapped his arms around

Alec’s neck. “Gods you are delicious,” Magnus whispered against Alec’s lips. Alec almost whimpered in response before kissing him hard and full of heat.

“You know I can hear all of this right now, right?” Catarina said from the other room.

“Then stop listening, or are you turning into a pervert in your old age?” Magnus said after pulling his mouth away reluctantly.

“I swear you designed this place just so the acoustics work this way. Do I need to get a hose to cool you two off?”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Alec said after finally bringing back some of his composure. “Miss Loss, could you open a portal for me back to the Institute? It may be better if I leave now.”

Magnus pouted.

“Of course Mr. Lightwood.” The warm sound of a fire popped and crackled. Alec slowly backed away from Magnus, letting their fingers touch as long as possible before he left the room.

“Wait, Alec.”

“What?”

“Will you be there? At the surgery?”

“Of course I will,” Alec said with a smile.

“Good.”

Alec followed the sound of the magic around the portal and noticed it felt different form Magnus’ as he walked into the Institute. Closing his eyes and leaning his head back he sighed with a large smile plastered on his face.

“Oh my god Alexander, there you are!” His face fell a little as the voice of his mother called from across the room.

 

 

“Magnus, are you decent yet?” Catarina leaned against the kitchen counter. She stretched her back and shoulders. “The sooner we go, the sooner you get done, and the sooner I get to sleep.”

“Ooh, someone sounds cranky this morning,” Magnus called from his room.

“Well, some of us had to work while others decided to have some fun.”

He walked out of his room dressed and said with a flourish. “And oh, what fun I had.” A smile stretched across his face.

“Now, there’s an expression I haven’t seen on you in quite a while,” she said smirking.

He sighed happily as his thoughts wandered to the night before. He giggled to himself as he searched for his cane.

“Oh no, giggling. This can’t be good.”

“Oh stop, and help me find that damned cane.” He knelt on the floor at the bedroom entrance feeling around with his hands for it. He heard Catarina walk by him into the bedroom.

“Here it is,” she said from the middle of the room.

“Oh, thank you,” he said standing up.

“Watch out, you two seemed to have torn this room apart so there’s stuff everywhere.”

Magnus giggled again. “Well, I’m still having a little problem with my magic and so things ended up being….. Interesting.”

“I don’t need to know anymore, thanks,” she said waving her hands in front of her. She handed him the cane. “Let’s get going.”

He swiped the cane across the room and pushed around items that had fallen off the dresser and nightstand as he left the room.

“Hey, Magnus?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m happy for you,” Catarina said squeezing his arm.

“I’m happy for me too,” Magnus raised his eyebrows suggestively. She rolled her eyes and opened a portal.

“We don’t have a lot of time before your surgery so we better try going this way.”

Magnus gulped nervously. “Okay”

She held onto his hand as they walked through finding themselves whole and intact in the Institute in the surgery wing.

“Are you ready?” she asked.

Magnus took a deep breath and nodded. “Let’s get it over with.” They walked into the room assigned for him and found Dr. Branwell waiting for them.

“Good morning, Mr. Bane.”

 

 

“Mom, I’m okay,” Alec said for what felt like the millionth time.

“You can’t do that again. You can’t scare me like that.” Maryse held her son’s shoulders at arm’s length. She scanned him again for any injuries.

“Mom, please, stop. I’m fine.” He took one of her hands off his shoulder. He held it with both of his hands. “I need you to calm down.”

She shook her head at him, “Alec, it’s not safe out there. Not for someone like you.”

“Someone like me?” He let go of her hand.

“Yes, Alec. It’s too dangerous. I can take care of you here. You are safe here.” She put a hand to his cheek. “Alec, this world wasn’t made for people like you. Why would you want to go out there anyway? Haven’t we provided everything for you here?”

“Yes, you’ve provided for me, but I’m an adult now. I’m not two anymore. I have years of training, just not out in the field like Jace.” He put a hand on her shoulder. “You wouldn’t be so scared if you had let me have that kind of training.”

“But you can’t just…”

“Yes I can. You’re the one who thinks I can’t.”

“But you’re blind.”

“I’m fully aware of that, mother.” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt again.”

Alec sighed. “Mom… please stop… That was so long ago. I’m living my life right now. I’ve moved on, why can’t you?”

“You’re my son,” Maryse said dropping her chin and looking at the floor. “And I was the one who left you there.”

He let his arms drop to his side as he took a deep breath. He wrapped his mother in a hug.

“Mom, it wasn’t your fault. If you had been there you would have been hurt too.”

She put her arms around her son and held back some tears.

“I may have lost my sight, but I’m still me. You have to let me live a life.”

“I know, Alec… I know.” She looked up at him. “You’ve grown into a wonderful man, and I am truly proud of you.”

“Thanks, mom.” He smiled.

She pulled herself out of the hug and wiped away a tear.

“I do want to know where you were all night though.”

“You, uh, you really don’t want to know,” Alec said with a slight blush.

“Oh… well… right… Yes, there’s some things I may not want to know.” She smiled a little. “I, uh, better get back to the office. The Morgernsterns will be here soon.”

“I’ve got to get going too, Magnus is going into surgery right now.”

“Alright, I’m glad you’re home, Alec. I’ll try harder but I can’t guarantee I won’t be panicking every time you don’t come home until morning. Don’t make it too much of a habit. You do have work to do.”

“I know, I won’t let anything get in the way of that.”

She smiled and gave her son a kiss on the cheek before walking away, trying not to think about the hickey she spotted on his neck.

 

 

Magnus was scared. He had been scared many times before in his life but this was a new kind of fear. He lay propped up in a medical bed, covered in a blanket. Catarina sat next to him fussing over everything. Magnus had not seen her this agitated in a long time.

“My dear friend, here.” He held out a hand to her and she took it with both of her hands. “You need to calm down, Catarina. You need to be calm so I can be calm. I believe I’m the one getting surgery here.”

“I know, I just want this over and done with.”

“You and me both,” Magnus smirked.

She smiled, “Okay, I’m sorry. I’ll try to pull myself together.” Her smile was tight with worry which only made Magnus laugh.

“You are terrible at this, how do your patients survive?” They laughed together quietly. She patted his hands.

“Is Alec here yet?” Magnus asked.

“I don’t think so, I’m sure he’ll be here soon.”

At that moment Dr. Branwell walked back into the room followed by another Nephilim.

“Mr. Bane, this is Raj, he’ll be administering the medications that will make it easier for the surgery.”

“Hello, Mr. Bane, I’m the anesthesiologist, so let’s go over a couple of things before we get started.” He ran over the procedures, making sure to confirm that Magnus understood what was about to happen. He then prepared a needle with the proper drugs.

“Just a little pinch and then we’ll be done,” Raj said as he squeezed the plunger down.

“You’ll be out in no time, Magnus,” Catarina assured. “I’ll be right here.”

“Where’s Alexander?” Magnus asked already starting to feel some effects.

“Right here,” Alec’s breathless voice came from the doorway. “I made it in time I see.”

“Catarina, look!” Magnus made grabby hands in the air towards Alec. “He came!”

“Yes, Magnus, he’s here.” Catarina shook her head at her loopy friend. “Alec, if you follow the wall on your right you’ll get to the other side of the bed. Be careful, Magnus is grabbing at the air for you.”

Alec chuckled and made his way over. He found Magnus’ hands and held both tight.

“You’re here,” Magnus breathed.

“Of course I am, I said I would be.”

“I know… I’m just glad… and really sleepy…”

“Go to sleep, silly.”

“Mmmokay…”

Alec smiled as he felt Magnus’ hands go slack. His smile faded as the concern for the surgery grew. What if it doesn’t work. What if it does.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the Waiting Room, Waiting, Magnus wakes up from surgery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put a tiny bit of Spanish in this, I used the internet to translate for me so I hope it's correct.  
> The first one is supposed to translate to "What the hell?" and the other is "I'm sorry, brother."
> 
> Thank you to all the commenters and the kudos givers and the subscribers and bookmarkers. You make my day!

Catarina paced back and forth in the waiting room. Alec sat turning his head with her movement.

“You’re making me dizzy, Miss Loss.” Alec shifted in his seat, unable to find a comfortable position.

“Sorry, and please, just call me Catarina. We’re here for Magnus, not for work.” She sat down next to him on the small couch.

“Okay, only if you call me Alec.”

“It’s a deal.” She leaned her head back and fought the sleep that was trying to take over. Letting go of a deep breath she said, “What’s taking so long?”

Alec sighed, “I was just about to ask you the same thing.”

She chuckled. “This whole thing is messed up.”

“Yeah, and it could be more messed up soon.” Alec stood up and started pacing the room. She watched him for a little bit, seeing the genuine concern on his face. She smiled.

“You really care for him, don’t you?” she asked, tucking her legs up on the couch next to her. She took a sip for her already cold coffee.

“Yeah,” he said as a soft smile spread on his face. “I really do. And I’m really worried about this surgery.”

“How come?” She had her own concerns but saw that Alec needed to get something off his chest. She finished her drink and threw the cup away in the basket next to the couch.

“I had the same surgery when I was little.” He found a wall and leaned on it with his back. “It didn’t work at all. I’m worried it won’t work for him. And…” Alec sighed and pushed himself off the wall and started pacing again. He wrung his hands together his mouth slightly open trying to say something.

After a moment Catarina nodded. “You’re also worried that it will work.”

“It’s awful that I’m even thinking that, isn’t it?” Alec said waving his hands around. “What a terrible thing to be worried about. I should be happy for him to get his sight back.”

“I understand, Alec. You’re worried it will change things.” Catarina stood up and placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder to stop his pacing.

He rubbed a hand over the back of his head then his face. “What if he hates how I look?” Alec whispered.

She smiled and said, “Alec, do you really think he seems like the type of person to be that shallow?”

“I guess I don’t really know… I mean, I don’t think so but that file the Institute has on him is rather, uh, extensive and quite descriptive.”

“Well, that has been compiled by people who did not like him and to be honest yes, Magnus does know how to enjoy himself to the fullest.” Catarina chuckled and when she saw Alec’s face drop she squeezed his arm. “But let me tell you this of what I have seen over the years, when that man loves, he truly loves, with everything of himself. He doesn’t fall for just looks. He falls hard for the entirety of that person.”

His arm relaxed under her hand and she saw his shoulders lose some tension.

“Thanks, Catarina. You're a real great friend for Magnus.”

“You’re welcome, and I hope we can be good friends too. Not just work acquaintances,” She said with a smile.

“Me too.” Alec smiled then let it drop as he took a deep breath. “I’m still worried.”

“Me too, Alec, me too.”

 

 

“There you are!” Izzy’s voice reached through some sleepy fog in Alec’s head. He hadn’t realized how tired he was from the night before and had nodded off on the couch.

“Huh?” he said as he sat up, wiping a little drool from the side of his mouth.

“Alec, we have to go now. She’s asking for you.” Izzy walked over to him and started pulling on his arm.

“What? Who? Wait, Magnus isn’t out of the surgery yet,” Alec pulled back at his sister’s strong grip.

“You’ll have to see him later, Miss Loss will be here for him when he’s done. You have to go now.” Izzy pulled him up from his seat.

“What’s going on?” Catarina asked from across the room.

“The Morgensterns are here and Jocelyn is asking for Alec,” Izzy said.

“What?!” Alec said, stepping back from his sister and accidentally falling back onto the couch. He sat up and braced himself with his hands to stand up again. “Why does she want to see me?”

“I don’t know, but she’s insistent.” Izzy held her arms behind her back trying not to help Alec back up.

“Okay, okay,” he turned his face, “Catarina?”

“Yeah?”

“Please call me as soon as you know anything.”

“I will, what’s your number?”

“Alec, we don’t have time,” Izzy insisted as she pulled her brother out of the room.

“It’s in Magnus’ phone,” he called back. He turned his face to his sister, “That was super rude, Iz. ¿Que demonios?”

“Lo siento, mi hermano. But, mom is freaking out,” she said pulling him down the hallway.

“Why? She knew where I was.”

“Yeah, well that surgery should have been done a while ago,” Izzy said quietly.

Alec checked his watch and stopped in his tracks when the computerized voice read the time. “It’s been three hours?! It was supposed to be done in about one.” He turned around and started back for the waiting room.

“Alec… “ Izzy started.

“No, Iz, I’m staying right here. This surgery is really important and Magnus is my…” he paused and sighed. “I don’t even know… but I’m going to be there when he gets out of it.”

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’ve just never seen mom like this,” Izzy crossed her arms.

“If it’s about the Morgensterns then I’ve seen it before. She feels guilty so she’ll do anything for Jocelyn.” Alec reached out for his sister and she grabbed his hand. He pulled her in for a hug. “It’ll be okay. If you could just tell Jocelyn directly that I’m sorry and that I’m with a client who’s in surgery. She’ll understand.”

“Alright big bro,” Izzy leaned her head against his chest. “Sorry I freaked too. Mom can have that effect on me sometimes.”

“Yeah, maybe try and distract her with some work, get her away from the Morgensterns.”

“Good idea, I could use some help with those vampires… So stubborn!”

Alec chuckled. “Sounds like someone I know.”

“Ha. Ha. See if I help you now.” She pinched his arm.

“Ow! Okay, okay, I surrender.” He laughed and then his smile faded to a line. “I have to get back.”

“I know, let me know what happens.”

“I will.” He gave her another hug before letting her go.

“Alec.”

“Yeah?”

“He’ll be okay, Lydia’s great.”

“I know…”

“Call me later”

“Will do, sis.” Alec listened until his sister”s footsteps were far down the hall before he turned back towards the waiting room. He tried to steady his breathing as well as resist the urge to run the rest of the way.

 

 

“Anything?” Alec said as he rushed into the waiting room.

“Nothing yet, Alec,” Catarina said, Alec finding her voice coming from near the door that goes back to the operating rooms. He walked over to her.

“It should have been done ages ago.”

“I know. There must have been complications,” she said matter-of-factly.

Alec slumped against the wall next to her. “This is beyond nerve-wracking.”

“Mhm-hmm.”

Alec thought she sounded distracted and then he noticed the sound of her fingers tapping on a phone.

“Did you get my number?” Alec asked.

“Mhm-hmm,” Catarina said again but with a different tone Alec couldn’t figure out. Amusement, maybe? “That is if I’m guessing correct as to which one is your contact information in Magnus’ phone.”

Alec recited his number for her.

She chuckled. “Okay, I guessed right.”

“What? Why? What does he have for my contact info?”

“Uh, hehe, well, he has ‘tol’ as your first name.” Catarina watched the confusion on Alec’s face and laughed.

“Toll? Like something you pay on a highway? That’s really weird. Why would he call me that?”

“Haha no, not t-o-l-l, just t-o-l. He’s really into the internet and all it’s jargon, he loves telling me all about it.” She chuckled. “It means something that’s cute and tall.”

“Oh… OH!” A blush crept across Alec’s face. “I’m, uh, sorry you had to see that.”

“Oh, I’m sure he would have shown me at some point. I’m more sorry I saw the next part.”

“What?” Alec had no idea what she was going to say but was already embarrassed.

“Uh… He has ‘Hot Lips’ as your last name.” Catarina smirked and held back a loud laugh when she saw Alec grimace.

“Oh god, I’m really, really sorry you had to see that.” His blush spread down to his neck.

“Nothing to worry about, Alec,” Catarina said chuckling, patting his arm. “I think it’s cute. It’s nice to see him excited about someone and it’s nice seeing you smiling so much.”

Alec mouth lifted up on one side into a half smile.

 

 

They stood there by the doors to the operating room, letting the quiet settle around them. Catarina’s soft tapping on her phone the only noises in the room.

Alec sighed.

What is going on in there?

 

 

Everything was cold. Everything was cold and heavy. There was a thick cold fog slowly receding from his mind. As it crept away he became more aware of his surroundings. A warm heavy blanket lay across his body, but it did nothing for the cold. A shiver ran up from his legs to his spine and then to his shoulders causing him to hiss a small inhaled breath at the sensation. The medical smell of the room even seemed to have a cold tinge as he took another breath. Goosebumps covered his neck as the sounds of metal instruments being sorted or collected hit his ears. Even the distant soft voices sounded cold.

The fog receded further and Magnus finally noticed the scratchy feeling of his heavy eyelids. He scrunched up his face to squeeze his eyes against the painful itch. He was sure that trying to open his eyes would only make it worse right now. His instincts to keep his eyes shut as tight as he could were quite strong.

As he squeezed, bright lines of white light flashed across the back of his eyelids. He tried following them with his eyes as they travelled across his eyelids but it only made things hurt worse. He groaned out loud at the burning sensation.

“Mr. Bane, welcome back,” a familiar voice said.

Magnus tried to say something but found his throat too dry. He swallowed and tried again.

“Dr. Branwell,” he said in greeting, his voice rough.

“How are you feeling?” She asked. He felt the bed gently raise him into a sitting position.

“Groggy. And I’m pretty sure you replaced my eyelids with sandpaper.” He squeezed his eyes tight again.

“That’s a normal feeling. We’ve got some eyedrops that should help with that right away. Also you can take some painkillers here in a moment that should take the edge off.”

“That would be lovely.” He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He felt her cold fingertips on his face as she opened each eye gently letting a couple of drops of a cold liquid fall in. She dabbed at his face with a tissue.

“How’s that feeling? Can you open your eyes on your own yet?”

He moved his eyes around under the eyelids willing the drops to work faster. There was a definite difference, though it did still hurt. He tried slowly opening his eyes. At first everything was the same dark he had been dealing with but then something was different.

“Is... is there a window in here?” Magnus asked hesitantly, worried his brain was making something up.

“Yes there is Mr. Bane,” Lydia said, looking behind her. “Are you seeing the window?”

“No, the light. The sun? I can see a little bit of the light.” Magnus’ voice hitched at the end of the sentence. He took a couple of breaths to steady himself.

“That is wonderful, Mr. Bane!” Lydia exclaimed. “I have to admit I was worried through the surgery. Things ended up being more complicated than we thought they would be so it took much longer than we had anticipated.” She stood up and stretched her back.

“Well, it is me, I do tend to make things more difficult,” Magnus said with a smirk, moving his eyes around the room. He gasped quietly. “Is that you?”

“What?”

“Walk a couple of steps, please, Dr. Branwell.”

She walked to the end of the bed. “What are you seeing, Magnus?” she asked excitedly.

“I see you!” Magnus cried. He clasped a hand to his mouth in astonishment.

“This is amazing, I never thought we’d restore so much sight…”

After a moment of pulling himself together he said, “Well, I don’t see the details, but I can see your shape. Your shadow against the light!

This is simply wonderful, I can’t begin to th…”

His words were cut off by a knocking on the door.

Magnus watched Dr. Branwell’s shadow walk across the room and he couldn’t fight the giant smile on his face. He couldn’t make out the conversation as the voices were too low.

“Mr. Bane, are you ready for your visitors?”

“I believe so,” he said smoothing out the blanket to fight his nerves.

He looked up and saw a shadow that he would know anywhere.

“Catarina!” Magnus cried. He reached out to her, and she threw her arms around him enthusiastically.

“Oh my god, Magnus! You can see me!” A couple tears rolled down her face.

“Oh my dear, I will always recognize you.” He said pulling away from the hug. He took a look at her. “Now, I don’t have my full vision back, Cat. Everything is shadows and light.”

“Than how did you know it was me?” she asked with confusion in her voice.

“There’s this beautiful blue outline to your shadow. It’s just your shade of blue.” He smiled wide and shook his head in disbelief.

“That is simply amazing. I don’t even know what to say, Magnus.” They sat holding each other's hands for a moment in silent wonder. “Oh! I better let Ragnor know how it went. He’s with Raphael and they’ve been just non-stop texting me all morning.”

“Oh, I do hope Ragnor has a delightful Kermit green tinge to him when I see him,” he giggled mischievously. She laughed with him and then gave him another hug.

“I’ll go message the boys and I’ll talk to you later. I think your next guest would like to visit with you alone.” She patted him gently on the arm. “I’m so happy for you Magnus.”

He smiled, nodded and took a deep nervous breath. He watched her blue outlined shadow leave the room and then he lost his sight again.

Or at least he thought he had.

Suddenly everything was too bright.

“Magnus?” Alec’s voice reached through the glare. Magnus squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, hoping that he hadn’t lost what he just gained. He rubbed at his eyes while mumbling a couple curse words.

“Magnus, are you okay?”

He opened his eyes again and the sight made him lose his breath. He was sure his heart stopped for a moment too. He saw a shadow where he heard Alec’s voice come from but it was…

“Alexander?” Magnus asked and then watched the apparition come closer, matching the sound of Alec’s footsteps he remembered.

“I’m right here,” Alec said, sitting down in the chair next to the bed. He reached a hand out and found Magnus’ arm. “How are you doing?”

“I…” Magnus couldn’t form the words to describe how he was doing. He looked down to Alec’s hand and breathed out a weak euphoric laugh.

“What is it?”

He could tell Alec was getting nervous as he started to pull his hand back. Magnus grabbed at it quickly. He held it up in front of his face and interlaced their fingers. He was mesmerized.

“Magnus?” Alec prompted quietly.

“You’re… you’re so beautiful,” Magnus finally whispered in awe.

“You… you can see me?”

“Yes,” Magnus sighed. “Well, not like I used to.”

“What do you mean?” Alec asked, leaning closer to Magnus.

“I saw Dr. Branwell’s shadow against the light of the window.”

“That’s amazing, Magnus!”

“Then when Catarina came in I knew it was her.”

“How?”

“I don’t know if you know this or not but Catarina’s Warlock mark is blue skin so there was a blue line around her shadow. Her blue. It was simply wonderful being able to recognize her right away.”

“Wow, that is…” Alec didn’t have words.

“I know!” Magnus said excitedly.

“So…” Alec swallowed and asked, “How… do I look to you?”

“Oh, Alexander,” Magnus breathed. “Simply breathtaking. You glow.”

“I what?” Alec asked, chuckling.

“You glow. I’m not sure what other word to use. There’s so much bright light around you and just glows and,” he stopped, searching for a word, “shimmers. It shimmers into these shades of purple.” Magnus reached up and tried to touch the purple light haloing around Alec. He squinted as if it would help him focus closer. “There’s little sparks of colors and white all around you.” He looked down at Alec’s hand in his and smiled. “It’s all around you, Alexander. And it’s devastatingly beautiful.”

“I… I don’t know what to say, Magnus,” Alec said quietly.

Magnus sighed contently and pulled on Alec’s hand to make him come closer.

“Don’t say anything.” He reached up to Alec’s face and touched his lips. Alec smiled at the touch, reached up and cupped the hand with his own. He leaned in, pressing his lips to Magnus’ in a long and slow kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random note on the surgery: I had cataract surgery in both of my eyes (two weeks apart) and the main thing I remember was how freaking cold it was. Thankfully mine was quite successful, I got my far vision back (lost my close up vision though but glasses help with that) which means I can see planes in the sky again. 
> 
> Also, I've made a painting to show how Magnus sees Alec if you're interested. It's on my Instagram @b3kochan and it's called "A-Aura".


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A conversation between old friends, Alec needs more time, and Magnus gets another surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! I had a hard time starting up again after that last chapter but worry not, the next one after this has already been started on. I hope to be updating more often.  
> Please enjoy and comments are lovely and welcome!

Maryse straightened her back as Jocelyn entered her office. She glanced over at her daughter who sat across the desk. Izzy gave her mother a quick nod, gathered her papers and stood up.

“Please excuse me, Mrs. Morgenstern, I have patients I need to get to,” Izzy said reaching out to shake her hand.

“Of course, and please Isabelle, call me Jocelyn.” She held Izzy’s hand with both of her own and smiled. “I’m not a big fan of all that formality.”

Izzy returned the smile, “Same here. I’m sure I’ll see you later today, Jocelyn.” She sidestepped so Jocelyn could fully enter the room and waved back at her mother as she left.

Maryse stood up and walked around her desk to move the chair that her daughter had vacated.

“Please come in, Jocelyn.” She moved next to her desk. “Can I get you something to drink? Some tea? Coffee?”

“Maryse, please, stop fussing.” Jocelyn maneuvered her wheelchair across the room placing herself in front of the desk.

“I just don’t know why you don’t get one of the powered ones.” Maryse said, sitting down in her own chair.

“Keeps me in shape,” Jocelyn said with a grin.

Maryse grinned back.

“What happened earlier, Mare? You seemed upset.”

Maryse took a deep breath and let it go slowly. “I was just disappointed that Alec wasn’t here when you wanted to see him.”

“Isabelle told me he was with one of his clients,” Jocelyn looked closer at her friend. “I completely understand and wouldn’t want to get in the way of his work.”

“I know. He should have been there anyway, the surgery should have been done with.” Maryse looked down at her clasped hands on the desk.

“Ah, worried about the surgery then.” Jocelyn nodded. She raised an eyebrow when her friend fidgeted in her chair. “Or… Are you still uncomfortable around me, Mare?”

Jocelyn turned her gaze to the side.

“Maryse, look at me,” Jocelyn said gently.

“I can’t Joss, every time I look at you I get another wave of guilt.” She tried to swallow the lump in her throat. “I should have stayed with you that day. Then…”

“Then what? You’d have been hurt too, or worse. There’s nothing we can do about what happened, Mare.”

“But your children…” Maryse straightened her back again and wiped at a tear at the corner of her eye, trying to hold it back.

Jocelyn looked down at her lap. “I know.” After a moment she smiled. “Seems that you’ve been able to find my daughter alive, though.”

“Apparently,” Maryse shook her head, her ponytail sweeping her neck. “I still can’t believe it.”

“Me neither,” Jocelyn said with a contented sigh.

“Still, all those years are lost… and she knows nothing about this world and hardly remembers her own past. Just another tragedy piled on top of another tragedy.”

“Hey, Mare,” Jocelyn wheeled around the desk to sit next to her friend. “You should be rejoicing that she is alive, that Alec survived, heck, that I survived!”

“Hmphh, you barely survived.” Maryse reached over and put a hand on Jocelyn’s arm with a sad smile.

“I’m still here,” Jocelyn said putting a hand on her friend’s.

“I know…” Maryse sighed and looked down in thought.

 

 

A knock on the door made them both look up.

“Come in,” Maryse said, sitting up. She smiled when she saw her eldest walk in. “Alec, the surgery is finally done?”

“Yes, thankfully.” He sighed as he walked over to her desk to find the chair.

“Oh, sorry about that, the chair was moved so I could come in,” Jocelyn apologized.

“Oh, uh, Mrs. Morgenstern, I’m sorry I couldn’t meet with you earlier.” He stood still, his hands behind his back hiding his fidgeting fingers.

“It’s okay, Alec. There’s nothing to apologize for. You were doing your job.”

Maryse stood up and pulled the chair back over to the desk. She reached over and placed a hand on her son’s shoulder. “Here, I moved the chair back for you.”

“Mom,” Alec said in a tired voice.

“Yes, yes, I know you heard it.” She waved her hand in dismissal.

“You really need to work on that, you and Izzy both. Jace is the only one who treats me just like everyone else here. I hear his training rates are quite reasonable.” Alec said with a cheeky grin.

“Very amusing, Alexander.” Maryse sat down in her chair ignoring her friend who was clearly trying to stifle a laugh. She looked back at her son and smiled fondly. “But you're right, I should do better. I will work on that.”

“Thanks, mom.” Alec sat in the offered chair, smiling widely.

“So the surgery was a success I take it?” Maryse asked after a moment.

Alec shifted in his seat.

“Uh, is it okay to talk about with…” Alec lifted a hand in Jocelyn’s direction.

“Of course. Jocelyn is a trusted friend and an important member of the Council so I'm sure she would be interested in the care of the local High Warlock.”

“Magnus Bane?” Jocelyn said with a small amount of surprise in her voice. “Val said you had an important patient but I had no idea.”

“That’s the point,” Maryse said matter-of-factly. “We didn't want too much noise about it just yet.”

Alec quirked an eyebrow in surprise.

“Makes sense,” Jocelyn nodded. “No need to add any reason to panic when the demons are coming at a faster rate.”

“Exactly, so Alec, how is he doing?”

“He’s doing well. He didn't regain his full sight, but he does have some light perception, so he’s able to detect some shapes.”

“That's a start at least,” Maryse sighed. “Hopefully Miss Grey will be able to help now she's here.”

“Hopefully she can help him control his magic again. He's doing well with some small amounts but he's really unsure about controlling more.” Alec rubbed at his arm where some goosebumps formed.

Maryse noticed the movement and looked at her son closer as he continued.

“There is something else about his vision that's quite interesting and unexpected. He is able to basically detect other warlocks. At least he was able to recognize Catarina, uh, Miss Loss.”

“That is interesting,” Jocelyn said leaning forward. “How was he able to do that?”

“He said her shadow had a blue tinge to the outline.”

“Her warlock mark! How intriguing.” Jocelyn clasped her hands together. “It must be because of his mark.”

“That's what we’re thinking.” Alec said, lowering his head, his hands back in his lap, fingers fidgeting.

Maryse watched her son for a moment longer.

“What aren't you telling me, Alexander?”

He lifted his head to face her.

“What?”

“There's something you're not telling me, and I'm worried as to why. Did something go wrong?”

“Uh, no. It didn't go wrong.” Alec smiled as his face was covered with a pink blush.

Maryse glanced back at the mark she saw earlier on her son’s neck and her eyes widened with realization. Jocelyn looked back and forth between her friend and the young man.

“Maybe I should leave,” Jocelyn said.

“No, it's okay. I've nothing to hide,” Alec said quickly.

Jocelyn glanced at Maryse who still had her eyes locked on Alec.

“Magnus and I have… become close.” Alec said, unable to hide a smile. “And something very… interesting has happened with the surgery. I don’t know what it means… but I think it means something.”

When Maryse didn't ask Jocelyn jumped in.

“What happened?”

“He was able to see me, well, I guess it's more like I look different to him than anyone else,” Alec said with a wistful expression.  
As he described what Magnus told him Maryse sat back in her chair and her face softened. Jocelyn smiled.

“Like I said, I don't know what it means…”

“But it definitely means something,” Maryse finished for him, nodding.

“Yeah…”

 

 

Alec had been so elated from Magnus’ revelations that this was the first time he had felt at ease in front of Jocelyn. There was still the small voice in the back of his mind that was trying to bring his guilt forward but he wasn't letting it win today.

“What did Dr. Branwell say about this?” His mother asked.

“I didn't get a chance to tell her,” Alec said.

“Why not? That seems like something she should know.”

He blushed a little more and said, “I… got a little distracted."

Alec had a feeling the two women were sharing some sort of looks during the ensuing silence.

“Mare, maybe it's something that Magnus, himself, should be telling his doctor.”

“Perhaps, you're right,” his mother said finally, with a strange sound in her voice. Alec decided it was better not to inquire about it. He decided a change in subject was in order. No time like the present to rip the band-aid off, he thought.

“So, Mrs. Morgenstern, have you seen her yet?”

“No, not yet,” Jocelyn said with a hitch in her voice. “I sent Val and Luke ahead. Have you?”

“No, she is Jace’s client.”

“Good, then we can meet her together.”

Alec furrowed his brow slightly.

“Why would you want me there with you?” he asked.

“Because, we were together that day and we should be together when we see her again,” Jocelyn said with a slight sound of sadness to her voice.

He took a deep breath and said, “I don't know, Mrs. Morgenstern… I…” The idea sounded awful. Every bit of happiness he had walking into that room evaporated. He still felt like it was his fault. First for her death. Now for her lost memories and a life she could have had with her family. A life he got to have instead. Why would she want that reminder there when she sees her for the first time in over 20 years?

“Alec, first, please, call me Jocelyn. Second, I want you to be with me when I meet her again. You too, Mare. We all need this.” Alec heard her lean forward and a hand gripped his. “We need to break down this guilt and sadness.”

Alec swallowed at a lump in his throat. It didn’t feel right, he had no right to be there when they meet again.

“I don’t think I can,” Alec said pulling away from Jocelyn’s touch. “At least, not yet. But, I think you should go to her without me.”

“Alec…” his mother started.

“Mom, I just can’t right now. I need to sort some things out first.” He sighed. “Things I should have figured out a long time ago.” He ran his hands over his face, pulling a little in exasperation. “I’m… I’m sorry, Jocelyn.”

After a moment of silence he heard her take a breath.

“Alright then,” Jocelyn said finally. “Just… I’m sorry if I threw this on you too fast. I just… We both lost her that day, and a part of ourselves. We both deserve this bit of happiness.” She sighed. “Take the time you need, Alec. It’ll be okay.”

“Thank you,” Alec said after a moment. Her words left him surprised. He always thought he’d be an ugly reminder of the past. Maybe… “It’ll be okay.” He repeated her words out loud without thinking.

“Yes, it will,” Jocelyn replied with a faraway voice. “And someday we’ll be okay, too.”

A small smile appeared on Alec’s face. “Yeah, we will.” He really felt that they would be some day. Today wasn’t it, but he had hope that he could find some sense of peace.

He heard his mother’s chair scrape on the floor as she stood up.

“Well then, Joss, shall we?”

“I think so, you lead the way.” Jocelyn began moving her wheelchair towards the door.

Alec stood up.

“Uh, Jocelyn?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks for wanting to include me.”

“Of course.” He heard the smile in her voice. Then his mother wrapped an arm around his shoulders squeezing a little before letting go. The two left him alone in the office. He sat back down, lost in his thoughts.

 

\------

 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay?”

“Yes, Cat, I’m just very tired and to be honest overwhelmed.” Magnus sat down on his bed with a huff. He would have preferred to be back at his own place but they wanted to keep him there for observation. He was too tired to fight it anyway. “Let me rest and you, go do the same thing.”

“I guess a nap does sound really good right now,” Catarina said with a tired sigh.

“Yes, now go.” Magnus waved a dismissive hand at the blue tinged shadow. He watched as she moved to the door. “Oh, and Cat?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. For being there.” He smiled.

“You're welcome, Magnus.” The shadow crossed the room and he felt her arms around him. He smiled and leaned into the hug. After a moment she stood up and placed a hand on his arm. “I'll see you later.”

Once she left the room Magnus crawled into the bed. He never thought he'd be happy to be back in this bed again but it was so much better than the surgery gurney. He quickly fell asleep with the image of purple and white lights dancing in his mind.

 

 

He woke a couple hours later to the angry grumbling of his stomach and a frightfully loud call from nature. Groaning, he rolled over out of the bedcovers and planted his feet on the floor. He reached his hands up to rub his eyes and stopped himself.

“Probably not a good idea, right now,” he mumbled to himself. Instead he ran his fingers through his hair and realized a shower was probably in order. Standing up he tried looking around the room. A wall seemed to be brighter than others so he walked over to it. Alec had said something about there being a window over here but it hadn’t expected it to be the whole wall. He reached a hand over to it and found it was glass. An uneven glass, woven with metal bars.

“They really had a thing for stained glass when they built this place didn’t they?” he huffed in amusement. He looked at a shadow against the light and realized it was his own hand. He moved it around and watched the shape. There was no special color or tinge to his shadow. He wasn’t sure what he was expecting but he was kind of disappointed that he didn’t see something.

“I wonder…” He stepped away from the window and took a breath. Lifting both hands in front of him he let the familiar warm pull from his core and coil around his hands. He gasped as the familiar blue and purple smokey flames came to life in front of him. He closed his eyes for a second and a wide satisfied smile uncurled on his face.

“Magnificent,” he purred as he slowly moved his hands around testing the feel against what he was seeing. He watched the movement for a little while, mesmerized.

Until his body reminded him of basic survival skills. He let the magic dissipate as he made his way to the bathroom.

After relieving himself he climbed into the shower. He decided to make up for the cold he felt after the surgery by having the water as hot as he could handle it. Magnus smiled as he grabbed the shampoo confidently thanks to a couple of rubber bands. As he washed his hair his thoughts wandered over the events of the last 24 hours. So many things had happened. He felt his skin flush and goose bumps formed despite the hot water when he thought of the night before. The memory of Alec’s touch was still fresh, the sounds he made still ringing in his ears.

And then today, after the surgery.

Magnus put a hand to his chest as the vision of Alec filled his mind. It was overwhelming how beautiful that sight was. How beautiful Alec was.

What was that?

The doctor didn’t shine like that so it wasn’t the angel blood. And then Catarina was just a hint of her warlock mark. Nowhere near the light that shone around Alec, the colors so vivid, everything so intense.

“Alexander,” Magnus whispered with a sigh. He leaned his head against the shower wall the water still hot, gently falling on his back. His hand still on his chest moving along with the rise and fall of his deep breaths.

What did it mean?

Did it even mean anything?

Does it even matter?

He sighed and pushed himself off from the wall, putting himself back under the water to rinse his hair. His stomach grumbled loudly.

“Alright, you, give me a minute,” he chided. He went through the rest of his shower routine as quickly as he would allow. He wasn’t going to skimp on the time it took to condition his hair, no matter how much his stomach threatened to consume his liver.

Finally finishing, he stepped out of the shower and found his towel. As he dried off a flash of light caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He turned his head and saw two dots of light.

“No… it can’t be” he breathed.

He walked hesitantly over to the sink and reached slowly out to what he assumed would be a mirror. He felt the moisture and quickly wiped it away.

There they were.

Bright as day.

His own two eyes glowing golden yellow, staring back at him.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec has a great sister and Magnus has a great group of friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here's the next chapter and boy, oh boy did I take some liberties here. As far as I know we never learned Dot's warlock mark on the show and since she wasn't an actual warlock in the books we don't have anything from there. So I decided it would be really pretty if she was covered with irridescent scales. I mention Jem in his shadowhunter form because I just don't feel like dealing with any of that so he's just Jem. (Some of these are just mentioned in passing so it's not very important.)
> 
> Also, I am no expert on psychology, the scene in this chapter is modeled more from my own counseling sessions. Yay pulling from own experiences to make it work! 
> 
> Also also, It was very important to me to have Magnus have a huge support system. They basically take it all away in both the books and the show and I think he deserves better. He shouldn't only have Alec and Alec's family to rely on. ;) 
> 
> Okay, that's enough notes, enjoy!

Alec raised his hand and hesitated. No, I have to do this, he thought. He knocked on the door and waited.

After a moment he heard the door open and a familiar voice.

“Alec! How did it go? Come in, come in, tell me everything,” Izzy rattled off as she grabbed her brother’s hand, pulling him into the room. He smiled and let himself be led for a moment as it was clear it was just excitement and not her trying to help him. She pulled him down on the couch next to her.

“It wasn’t a full success,” Alec replied. “They weren’t able to restore his sight to how it was before.”

“How’s Magnus taking that?”

“Well, he did regain some light perception so he’s pretty pleased with that.” Alec smiled at the response Magnus had at seeing him.

“That’s wonderful! I’m sure he still would have been okay with everything if it hadn’t worked even the little that it did. He seems like that kind of person,” she said thoughtfully. “Wait, what is that smile about? That is not a smile I’ve seen on you before, dear brother.”

He turned his head away from her to hide the blush he could feel coming up.

“Things… have progressed,” Alec said finally. He was only slightly embarrassed about how he kept blushing every time he talked about Magnus.

“Alexander Gideon Lightwood, please tell me you told him about your sight before you got into bed with him.”

“What?! Of course I did, Izzy. I told him right after you yelled at me. Then we talked about it and… things are good.”

She laughed. “I can see that.”

“What?”

She reached over and poked him on the neck.

His hand reached up and clasped the spot on his neck. His mind sifted through the events of the night and recalled the moment. Magnus’ warm lips on his neck. He shivered at the memory.

“So things are good, now that you two have ‘talked’,” Izzy teased.

He grinned and rolled his eyes at her. Then realization swept over him and he felt every bit of blood leave his face.

“Izzy, how noticable is it?” he asked warily.

“Oh, Alec, Martians can see it.”

“Oh fuck…” Alec leaned his head back on the couch.

“What?”

“I was just with Mom and Jocelyn,” he said quietly.

Izzy started to laugh. Loudly.

 

 

\---

 

Magnus was unsure how long he stood there in the bathroom. Watching his own eyes looking back at him out of the darkness. HIs hands curled around the edge of the sink, steadying himself. His breathing ragged as he moved his head slightly back and forth, watching the floating eyes match the movement. They were starting to burn and itch but he was afraid to even blink in case that would break whatever spell was enabling this view.

His choice was made for him when an abrupt knocking sound made him jump a little and blink a few times. He looked back up and saw his eyes were still there. He breathed a sigh of relief.

The knocking came again.

“Just a moment!” he called, quickly locating his pants and robe and slipping them on. Hoping it was Alec again he made his way to the door quickly and opened it with a smile.

“Well aren’t you a sight for sore eyes!” A very familiar voice teased him.

“Very amusing, Tessa, how long have you been working on that one?” He stepped back to let her in.

“Oh, probably since I got the message from the Silent Brothers.”

“It shows,” he teased back. He started to close the door when he was stopped by another voice.

“Hey Magnus, I’m here too!”

“Dot! Oh, my dear, come in, come in.” Once again he tried closing the door but this time it met with resistance.

“That Catarina is a liar, you’re not at death’s door at all! What a shame.”

“Well, hello to you too Ragnor. I’m sorry to disappoint,” Magnus said with a smirk. “Now is there any more coming out of the clown car or may I close my door?”

“It’s just us,” Tessa reported. Dot laughed. Ragnor harumphed.

“Well, this is a lovely surprise. I no doubt expect you made quite a sight, the three of you waltzing through the Institute.”

“I have to say it was an interesting experience,” Tessa said. Magnus closed the door and turned to where Tessa’s voice came from.

“Well, that’s… unique… unnerving to say the least,” Magnus managed after staring for a moment.

“What is?” Dot asked.

“I’ll say so, all those Shadowhunters smiling and saying hello, completely unnerving,” Ragnor said as he flopped into the chair next to Magnus’ bed.

“Nephilim, Ragnor, they go by Nephilim now,” Dot corrected.

“Magnus? What is it?” Tessa asked.

“Well, dear Tess, it’s you. You’re rather… unnerving.” Magnus turned his head away for a moment. “But, I’m sure with some time, I’ll get used to it.”

“Used to what, Magnus?” Tessa said, slightly annoyed.

“Your shadow.” He looked back and pointed at her. “It won’t stand still. The only word I can use is undulating to describe it.”

“Undulating?” Tessa asked. “Why would it be doing that? Catarina said you could see some of her blue. I was wondering if you could tell it was me, but undulating?”

“Your shape-shifting powers, Tess,” Ragnor said, sounding bored.

“How fascinating!” Dot said excitedly. “Oh, what about me?”

“Well, you need to be between me and the sunlight it seems. Go stand by the Great Undulator.” Magnus stood back bracing himself for what could come next.

“Oh please, do NOT start calling me that,” Tessa begged.

“Too late, Raphael is already laughing out loud according to his text message,” Ragnor said, fiddling with his phone. “I’m currently changing your name to that in my contacts application.”

“I’ll wear nothing but burlap for a week if Raphael actually laughed out louder than a snort of disdain,” Magnus said raising an eyebrow skeptically.

“Letting him know right now about your bet…” Ragnor said. “...and he’s accepted it. Says he has a witness.”

“Will you two knock it off, I want to know what I look like,” Dot said anxiously.

Magnus looked up and smiled a warm smile.

“There you are, Dorothea. You look lovely. No undulation at all,” he said smirking at Tessa who responded with a huff. “I can see the lovely iridescent sheen around your shadow.”

“My scales! Wonderful!” Dot cried. “So it IS to do with our warlock marks. Ragnor, come over here quick.”

Magnus held back a laugh as he heard Ragnor reluctantly pull himself up from the chair and almost stomp over to Dot. Like a petulant child,

Magnus mused to himself.

“There, please Magnus, tell me what a simple mirror can not.”

“Well first there’s a faint color of rudeness surrounding your shadow, that’s for sure.”

The women laughed.

“But seriously, Ragnor. I can see you,” Magnus said with a soft smile. “It is good to see you again. I would have missed that shade of green. Also, the horns are helpful too.”

“Yes well…” Ragnor said. “I guess it’s good to be seen again.”

“Yes, my dear Ragnor, just as green and horny as the day I met you!” Magnus couldn’t resist.

“I rue the day the English language took that up.”

“That was one of the best days for me!” Magnus said walking over to his friend. He gave him a hug.

“Of course it was.” Ragnor returned the hug. “Is that cat dead yet?”

“No, he’s doing quite well, no thanks to you,” Magnus tutted. “It’s a good thing Alexander and I went there last night, the Chairman was right at death’s door.”

“Ah yes, Catarina told me about your Shadowhunter situation,” Ragnor scoffed. Magnus raised his eyebrows once at him and smirked.

“I highly doubt she used the word ‘situation’,” Magnus said sitting down on the edge of the bed, crossing a leg over the other.

“True,” Ragnor said sitting back down in the chair by the bed.

“You don’t approve, I assume?” Magnus worried on an edge of his robe with his fingers.

“Since when has my approval ever mattered?” Ragnor said jovially until he saw the worry on Magnus’ face. “Oh, this one is a serious one, I take it.”

Magnus sighed deeply and said softly, “I’d like it to be.” His thoughts roaming over their conversations, their closeness, how comfortable Alec made him feel. He felt a small smile accompanied by the slightest blush on his face as his thoughts went to the tenderness and gentle touches of Alec’s fingertips.

“It certainly sounded a little more than a dalliance from what she told me,” Tessa said sitting next to Magnus on the bed.

“Same here,” Dot said, leaning against the window.

Magnus shook his head.

“Is there anyone she didn’t tell in the down world?”

“She only told us, Magnus,” Tessa reassured.

“Quite, I was the one who told Raphael and Simon,” Ragnor said matter-of-factly.

“And I uh, may have told Elias and Zoe,” Dot said quietly.

“Tess, please tell me you at least didn’t…”

“Well, you know I can’t keep anything away from Jem.”

“You all are the worst.” Magnus flopped back onto the bed and covered his face with an arm.

The others stifled laughs at the dramatics.

“Magnus,” Tessa said putting a hand on his arm, “It’s only because we’re happy for you. We’re your friends, remember.”

“I know, dear Tess,” Magnus sighed again. “Are you all done teasing me now, or was that the sole reason for the visit?”

“Oh, Magnus, you know I’ll never be done ribbing you. It’s far too fun,” Ragnor said with a chuckle.

“That was never in question, Ragnor.” Magnus pursed his lips in disapproval at him.

“I wanted to check in on you after the surgery and Zoe wanted me to bring you this,” Dot walked over and placed a small object into Magnus’ hand. He sat up and rolled the metallic object around in his hands.His expression softened.

“That dear sweet child. It’s the ring I gave her years ago. I enchanted it to help her read her books in the dark because her father wouldn’t let her stay up late reading.” Magnus smiled.

“She wanted to see if it could help.” Dot handed him a book she found on a shelf.

He slipped the ring on and opened a page, knowing full well it wouldn’t work. He smiled sadly. “Worth a try at least.” He took off the ring and held it out for Dot.

“Keep it for now,” she said, “You never know…”

He nodded and slipped it back on. The enchantment was for fully functioning eyes. He hadn’t thought about the possibility of needing it for a disability. Something to work on in the future, he thought.

“I’m actually here because Cat said something about your magic being… problematic,” Tessa said.

“I’m pretty sure it’s my eyes that are being problematic,” Magnus corrected. “I haven’t done anything more than this since that morning.” He flared up his magic around his hands, letting them crackle gently. Letting the magic dissipate he said, “I’d rather not make a mess again, or cause something disastrous here at the Institute.” He told her about the morning he woke up without his sight. She listened quietly.

“Interesting…” she said. “I do have a question for you, though.”

“By all means,” he said waving a hand.

“Since when have you needed sight to summon something?”

Silence.

Magnus sat there with his mouth opening and closing for a bit in confusion.

“Oh, dear lord man, were you still that drunk in the morning that not only did you forget where your phone was, but you also forgot how to use your magic?” Ragnor asked in disbelief.

“I…”

“Dot, would you be so kind and take dear Ragnor out of here. I think Magnus and I need to work on some things alone.”

“Of course,” Dot gave Magnus a quick hug. “I’m glad you’re doing okay, Magnus. I’ll tell Zoe and Elias hello for you.”

Magnus nodded with a small smile.

“Probably a good idea,” Ragnor said getting up from his chair. “Magnus, I truly am glad you are doing well, some days I just have the couthness of a rattlesnake.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way, dear Ragnor.” Magnus felt Ragnor’s hand in his and gave it an extra squeeze.

“Right, well, good luck and I’ll see you later, er, I didn’t mean to use the word see, I meant.. Oh bother.” Ragnor grumbled as he left the room quickly.

Magnus chuckled. “I’ll let him know another time that it’s okay to use the word ‘see’.”

Tessa shifted herself to face Magnus.

“Right, let’s get this figured out and you back on your feet, magically speaking.”

 

\---

 

 

“Izzy, I’m actually not here to talk about Magnus. I’m here more for your professional help,” Alec finally managed to say. His sister had insisted on the exact description of what happened with their mother and Jocelyn. He had obliged willingly as he had at first thought she was asking about the night before. Thankfully she was letting him leave that private.

“Okay, we can do that,” she said, quickly pulling herself into work mode. “I’m assuming you want to talk about why you didn’t want to meet Clarissa at the same time as Jocelyn.”

“Exactly.” This is why he went to Izzy, she knew him and she knew her psychology. He couldn’t say he was looking forward to this talk but he knew it was for the good in the long run.

“Tell me about it,” she said leaning back in her seat.

“I just don’t feel right about it. Like, it’s not right for me to be there. I have no right to be there.”

“She did offer for you to go with her,” Izzy pointed out.

“True, and I don’t doubt that she was sincere.” He had noticed how there wasn’t any sound of animosity in Jocelyn’s voice when she was talking to him earlier. She didn’t sound tense in his presence, not like his mother did right then.

“Then why is it not right for you to be there, that moment?”

Alec rubbed at his face with one hand. He leaned forward putting both elbows on his knees.

“Because she wouldn’t have to be going through this right now if it weren’t for me.”

Izzy waited.

Alec lowered his head and watched the blurry image of Jocelyn’s face as she threw herself on him. Then the bright flash. The scene played out again. And again. And again.

“Alec?” Izzy’s voice broke through the sound of the explosion. “Where were you?”

“There again,” he said quietly, “that day.”

“How often are you there?” she asked, trying to keep the worry out of her voice. Alec still noticed it.

“Every once in a while. Not very often. Used to be more often but it’s down to a couple times a month. It’s worse today, but I think there’s obvious reasons for that,” he said with a nervous laugh, trying to make light of it.

“Why, Alec?” Izzy said sharply, “Why haven’t you told anyone this?”

“Because it’s mine to bear,” he said, incredulously. “No need to put anyone else through this. Especially those who weren’t there.”

“It’s not a burden to carry alone. No one should have to go through this alone. Alec, we are here for you to lean on, not just people you feel the need to protect.”

He made a sound of disagreement. Izzy decided to ignore it.

“Alec, we’re your family, and we love you. We want you to be happy and we want to be with you through the happy times and the sad times. That’s what families do.”

“I know…” he sighed. “It’s just… I don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me... for any reason.”

“That’s valid, but you have to open a little bit or you’ll end up being completely closed off. You have to risk being a little bit vulnerable.” She paused for a moment, thinking. “Like you did with Magnus. That seemed to have worked to have told him the truth.”

“Yeah… It did… and it was kind of nice to let someone in…” Alec said half smiling. “He did ask me what happened to make me lose my sight and I actually told him.”

“How did that go over?”

“Seemed he felt just as guilty about that day as I do.” He explained Valentine’s request and Magnus’ refusal to assist.

“Are you mad at him for saying no?” Izzy asked.

“No, why would I be? He had perfectly valid reasons as to why. It’s not his fault some maniac blew up the house.” He stopped talking and realized what he had just said. Was it really that simple, he thought. “Izzy… if it’s not Magnus’ fault… then it’s… not my fault either…”

“No, it’s not.”

“But, if I hadn’t been upset, Jocelyn would have been in the other room with her kids.” Alec was scrambling at his thoughts, trying to figure it all out.

“You don’t know that. She could have been in your room reading to you. She could have been outside, she could have been in the kitchen. There were a million different situations that could have happened. So many different outcomes. None of them are in anyone’s control except for the person who planted the bomb.”

Alec didn’t know what to say. He knew everything his sister was saying was true. But it did almost nothing to change the guilt that ate away at his insides. Yes, there was many possibilities, but only one of them actually happened.

“Alec, I have a question for you.”

He lifted his head to her.

“Do you think maybe that it’s you who can’t forgive yourself?”

He didn’t respond. He knew it was the answer. He knew he could never forgive himself.

“Alec, imagine if it had been me, or Max when we were two. Would you have forgiven us if we were upset mom wasn’t around?”

“Of course I would, you know that.”

“Then how is it any different than you?”

“It… it isn’t…” Alec said finally. “But it doesn’t make it any easier.”

“I didn’t say it would, Alec, you have survivor’s guilt. Mom has it too to an extent, with Jocelyn’s injuries from that day.”

“That makes sense.” Alec knew his mom felt guilty but he never thought that they could be feeling the same thing.

“Maybe… maybe all three of us need to get together and talk about this more,” Izzy said.

“Yeah… I kind of like that idea.” Alec was surprised how much he liked that idea. The thought that he wasn’t alone in this never crossed his mind. He and his mother never talked about that day, about how they feel now about that day. It had always been about everything else.  
Maybe this was a chance for both of them to start healing.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get heated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a tough one to write, I've been struggling with some writer's block with this story. Also I've never really written anything this intimate before. 
> 
> But here it is, a little bit of plot and a lot of love.
> 
> Let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are what keep me going!

Alec felt a little bit lighter as he walked the halls of the Institute. He had spent a couple hours talking to his sister and things looked like they could get better. He knew it wasn’t going to be a quick fix but that he was finally on the right path to figuring it all out. He would talk to his mother tomorrow about the idea about their possible joint counseling sessions. He’d let her have some time with her friends before tackling something like this.

Also, right now he really wanted to see Magnus. Alec had stopped himself earlier from going to see him instead of Izzy. He was glad he had made that choice, though. He felt closer to Magnus faster than anyone he’d ever met before but this was something a little too big to throw at him just yet. Plus he wanted Magnus to get plenty of rest after the surgery. Then he smirked to himself when he thought about how little sleep they got last night.

He reached Magnus’ room and knocked.

There was no answer.

As he reached for the handle the door suddenly opened.

“Oh, hi Magnus,” Alec said, standing in the doorway.

“Alexander! Come in! I’m over here,” Magnus’ voice came from the other side of the room.

“How did you get… Wait! Did you use your magic to open the door?”

Magnus giggled in delight.

“That’s wonderful Magnus!” Alec said as he strode over to him.

“Yes, he’s finally getting back into the swing of things,” an unfamiliar voice said from Alec’s left. He stopped in his tracks.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had a visitor,” Alec said, turning to the voice and holding out a hand. “Hello, I’m Alec Lightwood, Magnus’... caseworker.” He hoped she hadn’t noticed the hesitation in his choice of words. A soft hand took his in for a firm handshake.

“Lovely to meet you, Mr. Lightwood. I am Tessa Gray, an old friend of Magnus.” She let go of his hand. “Well, I guess that means I better be off.”

“Please, I didn’t mean to interrupt…” Alec started.

“Nonsense,” she said. “Magnus, I’ll call on you tomorrow or the next, depending on the Morgenstern situation.”

“Thank you, Tess. You’ve been a magnificent help.” Magnus made his way over and embraced her. “It was lovely to see you again.”

“Even though I’m apparently unnerving to view?” Tessa said with a laugh in her voice.

“Yes, because I’ll always know it’s you,” Magnus said sincerely.

“Right, well, I’ll see you later.” Tessa said. “It was a pleasure meeting you Alec, I hope to meet again when we have more time to visit.”

“Yes, that would be great,” Alec said with a smile. She left, closing the door behind her. “She seems nice.”

“Yes, well, I’m just glad she’s finally gone,” Magnus said with a sigh.

“Not that great of a friend?” Alec asked, an eyebrow up in question.

“No, she’s a wonderful friend,” Magnus said. “I’m just exhausted, she had me working very hard with my magic. Would you believe that it turns out it was all in my mind.” Magnus huffed in annoyance.

“That seems to happen a lot when traumatic events occur. Brains tend to shut down and have a hard time coming back,” Alec explained as he walked over to Magnus. He placed an arm around Magnus’ shoulders and lightly patted the man’s stomach. “At least you weren’t going hungry.”

“What? How did you know we were working with food?” Magnus asked, placing an arm around Alec’s back. Alec smiled to himself. He felt so comfortable with Magnus, as if they had been close their entire lives. Magnus’ touch felt both new and old. It was thrilling.

“Well, when I went to get something to eat, the cooks and staff in the kitchen were quite upset.”

“Ah…”

“Seems food was disappearing right as they plated it up for the patients who couldn’t make it in themselves.”

Magnus laughed mischievously. “Well, I am a patient and I was unable to go and get it at the time, so I don’t see anything wrong.” He pulled Alec close to him, wrapping both arms around his waist. “And here you are just chiding me instead of congratulating me on being able to control my magic again… really...”

Alec could tell Magnus was pouting. Fake pouting. But pouting nonetheless.

He smiled.

“You’re right,” Alec said before leaning his head down to kiss Magnus. “Congratulations,” he whispered into his mouth before continuing the kiss.

“Now, that’s much better,” Magnus said appeased, after they finally pulled apart. Alec heard Magnus take a small breath as if to say something but nothing followed.

“What is it?” Alec asked softly, placing a hand gently on Magnus’ cheek.

“I think I’m going to be randomly dumbstruck every once in a while when I’m with you. I’ve never seen anything like it in my very long life and you just take my breath away.” Magnus reached up and ran his fingers through the tips of Alec’s hair before running them down the back of his neck. “You’re too beautiful, Alec.”

Alec felt his face and neck flush. Warmth crackled along his skin where Magnus’ fingers brushed and he shivered. His eyelids fluttered shut as Magnus moved his fingertips along his hairline to his cheek and then lightly across a cheekbone, barely brushing his eyelashes. Alec found it hard to breath as he felt the fingertips glide across his lips. He heard Magnus’ breath catch and that sound alone nearly made Alec’s toes curl. Magnus’ fingers made their way back to Alec’s neck, tiny warm sparks trailing behind.

Alec moved his thumb over Magnus’ cheek, feeling the warmth of his skin that made him wonder if Magnus was blushing too. He slowly ran his fingers down to Magnus’ chin and once again he heard the man’s breath catch. Another shiver ran through his body at the thought that Magnus wanted him as much as he wanted Magnus. He moved close enough that there was barely any room for air between their lips.

“Magnus,” Alec almost whispered through heavy short breaths, “You’re the one who’s so… so… beautiful.” He kissed Magnus softly at first.

 

Magnus let his eyes close as Alec kissed him. The light was so intense, and so breathtaking that with the gentleness of Alec’s lips caused his eyes to well up. It was almost too much. The sincerity of every touch from Alec shot another arrow into his heart. His skin tingled with heat and magic and knew Alec could feel it too. Their kisses became deeper and deeper and more impatient. It was too much and not enough all at once.

Magnus wrapped his arms around Alec’s neck while catching his bottom lip between his teeth. He felt more than heard the growl deep in Alec’s throat. Alec’s arms tightened around Magnus’ torso pulling him closer at the same time he was moving forward. Magnus made a small sound as his back hit the wall that surprised him as he didn’t remember it being that close. He soon forgot about the wall as Alec crowded himself around Magnus. Alec pushed his body against Magnus, his hips moving to grind against him.

He moaned and leaned his head back as Alec explored his neck with his mouth. Magnus’ hips responding to every hint of teeth on his skin. He felt his whole body shiver and cover with goosebumps when Alec reached a hand up his shirt and kneaded hungry fingertips into his side.

Then he saw stars. Lights flashed and zoomed across the back of his eyelids. He opened his eyes and the flashes continued, threatening to completely obscure the vision that was Alec. He blinked a few times trying to get them to stop.

Alec noticed the hesitation in Magnus and stopped moving.

“Are you alright, Magnus?” Alec’s voice was low and breathy and was threatening to send Magnus over the edge by itself. He shook his head trying to clear it.

“I don’t know… I’ve always heard that people see stars but never experienced it myself…” The lights were slowly dissipating as Magnus’ breathing evened out.

“Oh shit, Magnus, I’m so sorry. I got carried away. You probably shouldn’t be exerting yourself after the surgery and the work you did with Tessa.” Alec started to pull away.

“I believe we both were getting carried away,” Magnus said, pulling Alec back and putting his arms around him. “I really liked where it was going.”

“Me too,” Alec said, smiling into a slow and gentle kiss.

“Rain check, then?” Magnus asked, sighing sadly. He ran a hand up Alec’s arm.

“Definitely.”

“Until then I should probably get some sleep.” Magnus sighed again and then asked with a light tone but hoping deeply that Alec would say yes, “Care to join me?”

“Actually that sounds lovely,” Alec said as he leaned his forehead against Magnus’. “Today has been one heck of a day.”

“That it has,” Magnus said with a quick kiss to Alec’s nose. He snapped his fingers and they both were suddenly in comfortable pajama bottoms.

“Wha...?”

“It is so good to be able to do that again.” Magnus smiled and led Alec to the bed. He crawled in first and patted the spot to his side. “Come on in, the water’s fine.” He felt the bed move under Alec’s weight and then the warmth of his body as he moved closer. Magnus smiled as he rolled over and lay his head on Alec’s bare chest. Alec wrapped an arm around Magnus’ back and let his hand lazily rub along the contours of his shoulder blades.

Magnus hummed quietly in contentment and closed his eyes. He placed a hand on Alec’s shoulder and leaned up to kiss Alec’s chin.

 

Alec had a different idea. He felt Magnus move his head up and decided to meet in the middle. He caught Magnus’ lips with his own, reached his hand up to hold him and kissed him. It was full of the hunger he still had from moments ago. Magnus seemed to be of the same mind as he responded in kind. His soft lips opening to let Alec in and explore. Magnus shifted his weight and crawled on top of Alec, not breaking the kiss, their chests heaving against each other as their breathing became labored.

Alec realized this wasn’t going to help Magnus recover from his surgery. He started feeling bad for letting his hormones take over.

“Magnus,” Alec breathed when they finally parted for air, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have… you need the rest…”

 

“Sleep be damned,” Magnus almost growled. “I have enough time in my life for that.” He ignored the two flashes of light in his peripheral and leaned down and roughly sucked on Alec’s neck. His hands, engulfed in gentle and warm magic, roamed over Alec’s chest, fingernails dragging along the hairy flesh, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

 

Alec hissed as Magnus’ teeth raked at his neck, tongue weaving a warm path along the bruised skin. More sparks ran through his body from Magnus’ hands causing unfamiliar sounds to gurgle from his throat. He dug his fingertips into Magnus’ lower back and made another small sound as Magnus’ hips responded to the touch. He reached down and slid his hands under Magnus’ pants, along the smooth skin and gripped with both hands pulling his hips even closer. Magnus moaned right next to Alec’s ear. He decided right then and there that he would never tire of that sound. A new life goal emerged, making Magnus moan in pleasure as much as possible.  
He turned his head and whispered in Magnus’ ear, “It’s my turn.” He smirked as Magnus faced him.

 

“Your turn?” Magnus asked breathlessly.

“My turn.” Alec slid a hand down further along Magnus’ ass and gripped harder.

“Oh... yes... gods yes,” Magnus said, remembering the night before. They had spent so much time kissing and fondling each other that only Magnus had the pleasure of fucking Alec. He snapped his fingers and a bottle of lube and a condom appeared next to them on the bed.

“Really?” Alec chuckled, when he found them. “That’s an interesting use of your magic.”

“I’d say there’s no better use. Except maybe this,” Magnus said as he wrapped them both in a cocoon of magic that sent waves of pleasure up and down both of their bodies.

“I stand… er..lay corrected,” Alec said between heavy breaths. Magnus chuckled between his own heavy breathing and gave Alec a deeply heated kiss.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for some intriguing plot.

‘Phone call from... Jace Herondale…… phone call from... Jace Herondale…… phone call from… Jace Herondale…… ph…’

“Hey, Jace, what’s up?” Alec said into the phone once he finally woke up enough to realize what was happening.

“Where are you? You’re late. You’re never late.” Jace’s voice sounded a bit more frantic than normal making Alec fully wake up.

“What time is it?”

“Ten thirty, are you sick or something?” He could tell Jace was pacing back and forth wherever he was.

“No, I’m fine, must have needed the sleep I guess.” Alec heard a muffled laugh next to him. He put a hand over the receiver and turned to Magnus. “Shhh, you…” he said trying not to smile.

“Yeah, well, you need to get here now. The Silent Brothers have figured out some of the runes Clarissa Morgenstern was drawing and it’s some heavy stuff.”

“Oh, wow, ok, where are you?” Alec wasn’t sure why they needed him there, but his curiosity was piqued. He felt Magnus snuggle up to his back, putting his chin on his shoulder.

“The library, pretty much everyone else in the Institute is here right now.”

“Alright, I’ll be there soon,” Alec said. Magnus snaked a hand up Alec’s arm to the hand that held the phone, pulling it away from Alec’s ear.

“We’ll be there in half an hour,” Magnus said into the phone and Alec heard the call ending.

“Magnus!” Alec cried grabbing his phone back, and feeling a blush covering his face.

“What?” Magnus said. “I was just letting him know that we both would be there and that we needed a little time to get ready. I mean, I could use a quick shower, I don’t know about you.”

“But that was Jace, he doesn’t know that… that we’re, you know..”

“I’m pretty sure he does already know. If my friends are any indicator then your friends know too,” Magnus said matter-of-factly before giving Alec a peck on the cheek. Alec reached an arm around and pulled Magnus on top of him.

“Your friends all know, huh? I must be good if you’re bragging about me to everyone already,” Alec said teasingly.

“Sorry darling, I don’t kiss and tell,” Magnus said, nipping Alec’s bottom lip. “Well, not more than one person at least. Apparently Catarina is more of a chatty cathy than I thought.”

“Ah, there goes my ego, right out the window,” Alec sighed dramatically.

“Don’t worry, Alexander, you are very…” he gave Alec a quick kiss on the lips, “very…” he gave a deeper kiss, “very good…” Magnus leaned down, let his tongue trail along Alec’s neck which sent shivers through his body. Magnus stopped at a spot just below Alec’s jaw line and sucked a new mark. Alec made a soft sound of pleasure, he was so confused how Magnus found the right spot every time, but he wasn’t about to complain.

“Anyone who sees these will know how much I enjoy your company,” Magnus whispered into his ear.

Alec groaned and slid his hands down Magnus’ back.

“Now, now, Alec, I told your friend we’d be there in half an hour,” Magnus teased, nibbling on his earlobe.

“You said something about needing a shower?” Alec asked breathlessly, and Magnus nodded. “Good.”

Magnus chuckled softly.

 

\---

 

“It’s about time,” Jace said walking around the table. The library was loud with people talking over each other excitedly. Somehow Jace had found a spot for them away from the din.

“I count half an hour on the dot,” Alec said after checking his watch and smiled.

“Yeah well, we’ll talk about that later,” Jace said, unable to hide his smirk from his voice. “Hello Magnus, you’re looking well.”

“Thank you, young Herondale, I’m feeling quite invigorated,” Magnus said, voice dripping with innuendo.

“That’s… more than I need to know,” Jace chuckled, shaking his head.

“Jace,” Alec said, wanting to change the subject quickly, “where’s these new runes and why is everyone so worked up about them?”

“Here, I had some tactile versions made up, Alec,” Jace said placing several sheets into Alec’s hands. Alec sat down at the table and spread them out, running his fingertips over each of the designs.

“What… what are these? They seem familiar, yet…”

“They’re completely new,” Jace finished. “I know…”

“May I?” Magnus asked, sitting next to Alec.

“You know much about runes?” Jace asked as Alec handed the sheets to Magnus.

“I’ve had plenty of time to dabble,” Magnus explained. He ran a jewelled hand over the raised lines. “This looks like the fire rune, but… something else has been added.”

“Nice catch,” Jace said. “They think it is more of an explosion rune. So much firepower it could take a whole container ship down.”

“That’s a lot of firepower!” Alec exclaimed. “These came from amnesia chick… er.. Clarissa?”

“Yes. I watched her draw some of them.”

“And she has no idea what they are or what they mean?” Magnus asked, looking up at Jace’s outline against the sunlit window.

“Not a clue. She says they’re just doodles.”

“Very specific and powerful doodles,” Alec said looking at another one. “This one… I can see the base of the Open rune in the middle.”

“That one is more like tearing a wall down instead of just breaking a lock.”

Alec looked at the rest again, passing them back and forth between Magnus as they learned the enhanced features to each one. Alec shook his head in disbelief. They were all so powerful, so full of violence. What was the point of them?

“Why now? Why her? What is the point of all of these?” Alec asked in confusion.

Jace sighed and sat down across from them.

“She dreams them. The Silent Brothers have seen the dream memories. They believe she’s getting these directly from an angel itself.”

“What? That’s… that’s… impossible!” Alec sputtered.

“Certainly unheard of before,” Magnus said with a slight edge to his voice.

“They think she’s getting these… communications… because she is a Nephilim for one and for two she has a wide open mind with her memories blocked.”

“Blocked?” Magnus asked. “That means someone did this to her.”

“Yes,” Jace said. “From what we’ve heard about her from the vampires that the man she was raised by was very closed off and secretive. She would miss school often and when she came back she had a hard time remembering anything that happened before.”

“Seems someone hired themselves a warlock. A sloppy one too,” Magnus said haughtily.

“How do the vampires know all this?” Alec asked, his mind reeling from all this information. Nothing was making sense at all.

“Raphael’s newest flame... er... fledgling, Simon. He was a classmate of hers before he was turned.”

“Well, that explains why dear Raphael hasn’t bothered to visit me in my hour of need,” Magnus sighed dramatically. Alec fought a smile. Now was not the time for a joke, but Magnus sure knew how to lighten a mood.

“Another thing,” Jace continued, ignoring Magnus’ comment, “Simon’s description of her caretaker has led to someone interesting. Someone who was supposed to be dead. Someone who Maryse, Robert and the Morgensterns recognized once they read the description.”

“Who?” Alec asked.

“Hodge Starkweather.”

Alec slumped back in his chair in shock.

“Starkweather? Didn’t he die in the Uprising?” Magnus asked.

“Yes. There were… remains found,” Alec said finally, shaking his head. He remembered his parents talking about it when they thought he was asleep when he was younger. He had been in the infirmary for so many days, and having calmed himself down over the loss of his vision he focused on the sounds around him. He found it interesting most of the people he knew couldn’t remember anything from when they were that young. There were some things etched on his memory forever. He couldn’t forget it, no matter how hard he tried.

On the rare occasion that his parents were in the room with him at the same time they would talk in hushed tones. He remembered that day when they mentioned Hodge Starkweather’s death. How they found a hand in the wreckage from one of the many other explosions that had occurred around Alicante. It was one not too far from the blast at the Morgenstern’s home, Alec realized.

“It was always assumed that the rest of him was obliterated in the explosion,” Alec said after a moment.

“Had I been there, I could have told them if that is what indeed happened,” Magnus sighed.

Alec placed a hand on Magnus’ thigh. “Don’t, Magnus. You made the right decision for you back then.”

“He’s right. We can’t dwell in the past and our past deeds,” Jace agreed.

“Say that again when you’ve been alive 800 years and have all the time in the world to regret,” Magnus scoffed.

“Touché,” Jace acknowledged. “However, that doesn’t help anything right now, does it?”

“Quite right,” Magnus acquiesced.

“Anyway,” Jace said, “Simon told us that Clary’s caretaker had a prosthetic hand.”

“Clary?” asked Alec.

“That’s what the vampire boy keeps calling her,” Jace shrugged.

“Very pretty,” Magnus said. “Now you said ‘had’. Am I right in assuming that he is no longer with us rather than suddenly has a newly grown hand?”

“He died shortly before Clary ended up here.”

“How did she end up here?” Magnus asked.

“The vampires found her one night. She had been wandering around for days apparently. Simon said she recognized him and told him she had woken up in a house she didn’t know and found a dead person in the living room so she ran in horror.” Jace’s voice filled with anguish.

Alec noted there was much more than the passing interest in a pretty girl going on.

“Poor child,” Magnus said.

“She had lost memory of almost everything. The only thing she had was her drawings and somehow she remembered Simon. She of course could remember what state the body was in and it seems Starkweather was killed by a demon.”

“How was she spared?” Alec asked.

“No idea,” Jace shrugged. “Guardian angel?”

“Normally I’d think you were joking… but maybe in this case…” Alec started.

“Anything is possible,” Magnus finished.

 

They sat in contemplative silence for a moment. The noise of the library fading as people began to shuffle out and return to their work.

Magnus glanced at Alec and saw the shimmering bright light outlined a bowed head. He was learning that Alec was more than just the carefree and confident facade he had met. He could sense the turmoil that had been bubbling up thanks to the Morgensterns arrival. He watched as the glowing beauty lifted his head and ran a hand over his face in frustration. Magnus felt a need to protect the young man. As powerful as he was he knew he didn’t have the power to go back in time and say yes to Valentine. There was, indeed, no use to agonize over past choices, he knew that. He also knew he would never be able to forgive himself for saying no.

“Why now, Jace? Why is she suddenly here? Why these runes?” Alec asked, shaking Magnus out of his inner self-loathing.

“I may know the answer to that,” Magnus said. “You dear Nephilim have left a vacuum. While you sheathed your swords and swapped them for syringes and bandages the demons have grown in confidence.” He waved a hand to emphasize his words. When neither man said anything he continued. “I’m sure you’ve noticed an uptick in injured downworlders the last few months, am I right?”

“Yes,” Jace said after a deep inhale, sounding slightly abashed. “We have noticed.”

“The demon attacks have been occurring more frequently, and maybe the angel Miss Morgenstern is in congress with may be sending help.”

“Help? What for? We’re not fighters anymore,” Alec said. “No one else can use these runes so what would be the point?”  
Jace cleared his throat.

“There’s...uh... one more rune, well two really, that I haven’t shown you yet.” Jace reached across the table and handed them another paper.

Magnus read the two runes, that seemed exactly the same, but nothing like anything he had ever seen. He handed the sheet to Alec.

“They’re the same?” Alec asked to clarify.

“Yes, but she never drew it alone. Always in twos.”

“What do they mean?” Magnus asked. “They’re rather intricate so I’m guessing it’s not a rune to sharpen a pencil.”

“No, nothing like that. But we still have our fingers crossed for that one,” Jace said with mirth. “The Silent Brothers weren’t sure for a while. It didn’t seem to do anything on the test subjects.”

“Test subjects? They were trying these out on people?” Alec asked in horror. “What if someone was hurt.”

“Some were,” Jace said with a small voice. “They were all volunteers, Alec. They knew about the possibility of danger. Sometimes sacrifices have to be made.”

“Now that sounds like a proper Shadowhunter phrase,” Magnus pointed out with a flourished hand. Some things never change, he thought, no matter how they try.

“It’s not like that, Magnus.” Jace said defensively.

“Isn’t it?” Alec asked. Magnus looked over and saw the shadow of Alec’s hand rubbing at his neck. “What about this?”

“Your navigation rune?”

“It’s not anything like the original rune I first had applied here. How many people had to endure experiments because of me?” Alec asked with a mixture of sadness and anger in his voice.

“I… I hadn’t thought of that Alec,” Jace said quietly.

Magnus sat back in his chair and let out the small breath he had been holding. Same old, same old… he thought. He sighed softly and decided to press on.

“So… what have your Silent Brothers found about these runes?”

“That they aren’t for one person,” Jace said, pausing a moment before continuing. “They are for two people.”

“Two? Like a parabatai or marriage rune?” Alec asked.

“No. Those ones are for two Nephilim.”

“What?” Alec asked with disbelief.

“One is for a Nephilim…” Jace started and stopped talking.

“The other is for a downworlder?” Magnus had heard the odd tone in Jace’s voice and guessed.

“Yes.”

“To what end?” Magnus asked, sitting up in his chair. He decided to drop the question on how they figured this out. It was clear there were experiments.

“It’s a sharing of power,” Jace explained. “Like an alliance between a Nephilim and a downworlder.”

“As in suddenly one of you lot will be able to control magic?” Magnus asked, suddenly feeling nauseated at the idea.

“No, not like that. It’s more a sharing of energy. An enhancement to each other's abilities,” Jace said. “You could… uh… talk to Valentine and Luke Garroway more about that.”

“Why?” Alec asked.

“Because they’ve already tried it, I assume,” Magnus said. “They were parabatai at one point, so I bet they jumped at the chance to be connected like that again.”

“Yes. You seem to know a lot that’s going on, Magnus,” Jace said warily.

“Well, I like to keep up with the local gossip. I only read the best tabloid fire messages,” Magnus said, smirking. “Plus, those three aren’t exactly quiet about their love life.”

“True,” Jace said chuckling. Alec let a small laugh out.

“Also it’s always news when a new werewolf loses control and attacks a shadowhunter,” Magnus added.

The men sat in silence for a moment before Alec spoke.

“I can’t imagine losing a parabatai that way.”

“He didn’t completely lose him,” Jace said with a weary voice of someone who’s had to explain this often over the years to many people.

“You know what I mean, Jace,” Alec said quickly. “The parabatai bond. Feeling so much pain and then just nothing at all…”

“I know.” Jace said sighing. He stood up and walked over to Alec’s side. “It’s bad enough when you hit that dang coffee table in your office. My shins can’t take much more.”

“Ha ha,” Alec said dryly.

Magnus heard a small thwack sound along with the shadow of Jace rubbing his arm.

“Ow, maybe that navigation rune is helping after all,” Jace said in mock pain.

“I don’t think a rune is necessary when you’re standing right next to me. Also, that leather jacket creaks like an old sofa,” Alec said pointedly. “I could hear it a mile away.”

Magnus laughed gently. He was glad Alec had someone like this in his life. It was clear they were close notwithstanding their runic soul bond. He knew some might be jealous of that kind of bond but Magnus had left his jealous side behind a while ago. It did nothing but cause pain. Besides, things were still so very new and nothing had even been discussed. They had been too busy. He felt a small smirk tug at the corner of his mouth. Then he pulled himself together when he realized the two were still giving each other shit.

“...and I’m pretty sure you’re the one moving that coffee table around. Makes me think you’re enjoying the pain,” Alec said leaning back in the chair.

“Very funny, maybe I do it to keep you on your toes about your surroundings. Gotta be ready for anything, Alec.”

“Like some asshole moving all your stuff two inches to the left?”

“Exactly,” Jace said with satisfaction in his voice.

“As amusing as it is to watch boys bicker, I’m off to pick the minds of the Morgenstern-Garroways,” Magnus declared as he reached down along the chair to find his cane.

 

 

“Actually, you’ll be coming with me, Magnus,” a voice said so close behind him that he jumped slightly.

“Catarina you really need to announce yourself before you enter my personal space.” Magnus stood up and turned around to see the blue tinged shadow in front of him. “Otherwise I’m going to die far too young of a heart attack.”

“Sorry, next time I’ll blow an air horn when I get close.”

“We don’t need to be over-dramatic, my dear,” Magnus said knowing she would appreciate the humor. She laughed.

“Hi Alec, Mr. Herondale,” she said to the other men. “I’ll be taking Magnus now, Dr. Branwell would like to see him.”

“What for?” asked Magnus, ignoring a couple flashes of light in his periphery.

“Just a check up after the surgery, see how you’re doing. Nothing major, Magnus,” Catarina assured.

“I’ll come with,” Alec says, standing up.

“Actually, Alec, I need to go over some things with you,” Jace said.

“Oh, Okay. Magnus?”

“Yes, Alexander?” Magnus loved saying his full name for some reason. It just felt more intimate than his nickname.

“I’ll, uh, see you later this afternoon. For some training.” Alec sounded like he was almost tripping on his words. Like he was embarrassed or shy. Magnus smirked. He knew Alec was not that way when they were alone and relished that thought.

“Of course, darling.” Magnus couldn’t help himself. He thought about kissing the young man but thought better of it. Don’t need to push him that far, he thought, yet.

To his surprise Alec reached over and grabbed his hand, lifting it to his mouth and planting a delicate kiss on the back before letting it go again.

“Until then, Magnus.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! <3 <3 <3


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Runes, Meetings, Possibilities, Sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK. First thing. I am terribly sorry it took me so long to post. Depression, a vacation, more depression. Not much more to say than that. 
> 
> Second thing. Thank you so much for sticking with me. You all are the best. <3  
> You keep me writing.
> 
> Please enjoy this chapter and let me know what you think :)

“So… Alec…” Jace started as soon as Magnus and Catarina were out of earshot. “Things seem to have progressed quickly between you two.”

“Uh, yeah…” Alec said, blushing against his own will.

“Izzy was right, you can see those from space,” Jace chuckled, giving Alec a jovial pat on the back.

“Good,” Alec grinned mischievously. He felt a little embarrassed to say that out loud but it was the honest answer. He trusted Jace more than anyone and he wanted to share his happiness with him. Also it was about damn time that he got to make Jace uncomfortable, what with the tales of Jace’s conquests being reported in far too much detail.

“You certainly moved fast, Alec. I’m impressed,” Jace said.

“Not sure why you’re sounding proud,” Alec said leaning against a short bookcase near the table.

“I guess I am proud of you,” Jace said putting a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “You’re finally growing up.”

“Very funny, Jace,” Alec shrugged the hand off. “Remember, I’m older than you.”

“Only in age, not experience, oh parabatai of mine.”

“Jace, is this seriously what you wanted to talk to me about?” Alec asked in exasperation. He wanted to be with Magnus for the check up. He had been annoyed when his mother took away the other clients he had been working with to give all attention needed to the High Warlock of Brooklyn. Now he was glad.

“No, Alec, there’s something else about those runes. I wanted to talk to you about one in particular alone.”

“Okay, what is it?” Alec asked. “Why the secrecy?”

“Well, it’s one I had seen early on when Clary showed up and started showing me her drawings.” Jace pulled out another sheet and handed it to Alec. Alec read it a few times and then he made a small noise of surprise.

“Is this what I think it might mean?” Alec felt his hands start to shake.

“It very well could be, I don’t know though,” Jace said softly.

“It has part of the Vision rune, and part of the Nyx rune. There’s something else... but I don’t recognize it.”

“Neither did Brother Jeremiah when I showed him.”

“Does…” Alec swallowed at the sudden lump in his throat. “Does it work?” He was surprised at his own sudden hope. He had never felt bad about his vision loss but even the glimmer of a possibility seemed to tug at him. Maybe it was the small success with Magnus’ surgery. He couldn’t deny that he was a little jealous that Magnus could see something.

“I don’t know.”

“No experimenting was done?” Alec asked with surprise. They had done it with the others, clearly.

“None. Hard to tell if it will work when you’re the only blind Nephilim in this part of the world,” Jace said matter-of-factly.

“Oh…” Alec crossed his arms. He furrowed his brows as he came to a decision quicker than he thought it would take. “When can they do it?”

“Whenever you’re ready, buddy.”

 

Whenever he was ready… Was he ready? What if it worked? What if it didn’t?

What if it did?

\---

 

“You’re doing pretty well with that cane, Magnus,” Catarina said as they left the library.

“Thanks, I’m having to concentrate more now though. The little bit of light I can see intermittently keeps throwing me off.” He tightened his grip on Catarina’s arm as he bumped into something that had a pointed edge with his hip. “It’s hard enough to trust this flimsy stick to find things but then my eyes just want to do what they’ve always done. I’m sure I’m just covered in bruises now.”

“That sounds pretty frustrating,” Catarina said putting a hand on Magnus’.

“It is, and I haven’t had enough time to practice either.”

“Hmmm, and who’s fault is that?” she asked with a smirk, poking at his neck. “Pretty sure an inanimate object didn’t cause this one. Or this one”

“Fair point.” Magnus laughed and then immediately swore under his breath as he bumped shoulders with a person both his cane and light perception missed.

“S..sorry. I wasn’t looking where I was going,” a voice said to his right.

“That’s alright, neither was I,” Magnus said quickly, with a small chuckle.

“Heh, good one. Raph said you use humor a lot to deal with stuff. I can sympathize with that. It’s a good way for me to break the ice because sometimes I don’t know when it’s okay to start talking or when to even stop talking as you probably can tell I can tend to ramble. Hey, hi, you must be Catarina. Raph mentioned you, too. Sorry for walking into you like that but I’m kind of lost and Raph is really sick of me asking him for directions. Do you guys know the way to Izzy’s... er… Miss Lightwood’s office?”

“I… I honestly don’t know where to begin with all of that,” Magnus said, shaking his head in bewilderment.

“Well, I do. Yes, you are correct, I am Catarina. Catarina Loss, and this is Magnus Bane,” she said squeezing his arm for a second. He couldn’t tell if it was for his comfort or for her to calm herself.

“Yeah, I know. Raph told me about you guys.”

After a moment of awkward silence Magnus rolled his eyes and said conspiratorially, “This is is the part where you introduce yourself.”

“Oh, right, sorry, jeez. I’m Simon Lewis. I’m… uh… a friend of Raphael.”

“Dios, this is why we’re in counseling, cariño,” a smooth voice joined them.

“Raphael! I wondered when you were going to visit,” Magnus chided.

“Oh, Magnus, sorry to disappoint, but I am not here for you. I’m here to find my boyfriend because he is extremely late for our appointment.” Magnus could almost hear the new vampire flinch with each emphasized word.

“I’m sorry, Raph, I got lost again. I swear this place is like Hogwarts, the hallways keep changing!” Simon cried. Raphael grunted his disapproval. Magnus stifled a giggle.

“Okay, well maybe we can all visit later,” Catarina said to break things up. “Magnus has an appointment too.”

“Right, thank you so much Catarina for remembering.” Magnus said, not hiding his disappointment. “Well you two lads enjoy yourselves. Remember, you only have eternity to work it out. Lovely to meet you Simon.” He held out his hand and the young vampire took it, shaking it once.

“Uh, you too, Magnus. Hey, you know what, now that you’re dating someone too maybe we can all go on a double date or something.”

“We’ll see…” Magnus said. He wasn’t surprised that Raphael knew about Alec already with Ragnor whispering in his ear, but he was surprised with how apparently open he was with this Simon.

To be honest he was surprised Raphael got a word in edgewise. He smirked as he heard the two softly arguing as they walked away, glad there was someone else able to get under Raphael’s skin.

 

\----

 

“Where are we going?” Alec walked along side his parabatai.

“I think you should meet her,” Jace said.

“Who?”

“Clary.”

“Woah, Jace, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Alec stopped in the hallway.

“Look, I know you’ve got misgivings,” Jace said stopping a few paces away.

“Izzy?”

“Yeah…”

“She really needs to work on that patient confidentiality…” Alec scoffed.

“Don’t think it applies here, buddy. Sisterly concern wins out every time.”

Alec crossed his arms and lowered his head.

“If it helps I know Jocelyn isn’t there right now.”

“Jace…” Alec started to plead.

“I think it’ll help your decision on the rune, Alec.”

“How?”

“Would you be mad if I said it was a gut feeling?” Jace said with a smile in his voice.

“Ugh, I hate your gut feelings.”

“Why? Because they’re usually right?” Jace walked over and put an arm around Alec’s shoulders.

“Except for that one time with…”

“Alec, please... don’t remind me.” He dropped his arm and turned to him. “Just trust me on this.”

He could hear the sincerity in Jace’s voice. And he was right, Jace’s gut feelings were pretty trustworthy. Alec took a deep breath and let it out quickly. “Alright.”

Jace clapped his hands together once. “Great, let’s go.”

“How do you know Jocelyn isn’t there?”

“Because she’s with Max. Izzy just texted saying that she’d left them knee deep in his comics and Jocelyn was eating it all up.”

Alec laughed. He knew that once his brother had a captive audience he did his best to keep it. He was good at it too. Must be taking some lessons from Jace, Alec thought.

 

\-----

 

Magnus sighed internally. He shifted slightly on the vinyl covered chair. He was pretty sure that he hated this room the most at the Institute. It was cold and not at all comfortable. There were too many people in this tiny room. He wasn’t claustrophobic but since he lost his sight everything was feeling far too close. He could tell there were no windows in the room; the only thing he could see was the wavering outline of Tessa. He watched as she moved around the room, gesticulating as she rattled on about random spells and potions. He tried to not roll his eyes as he had tried some of the ones she was mentioning in those first few moments. Then Dr. Branwell would interject with surgical suggestions that sounded more barbaric than modern medicine. Katarina would ask questions after everything causing the conversations to drag on. The voices coming from all around him were stifling. He gulped and focused on Tessa’s movements trying not to think of how low the ceiling felt.

“Magnus, are you even listening?” Tessa asked.

“It’s kind of hard not to with all of you practically talking at once,” Magnus said. He sighed and put a hand to his head. He could almost feel his forehead throbbing with pain. He squeezed his eyes shut against it. A tiny sickle of light popped up in his vision, rolling around like a ripple on water. Behind his lids he found he could follow it with his eyes. The light circled around a couple of times before dissipating into nothing.

“I know it’s a lot to take in, Mr. Bane. This is new territory for us, therefore we have a lot of avenues we could take.” Dr. Branwell placed a hand on his shoulder. “We all want to help you regain your sight.”

“I know that you all mean well, but this is all rather daunting.” Magnus sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Is it at all possible to talk about all of this another day?”

“Magnus, I think we need to hit this fast and hard. We need to use everything we have to…”

“Tessa,” Magnus interrupted, lifting his hand in protest, “I’m tired. I just had surgery, something I haven’t ever really needed. I may be immortal but that doesn’t mean I don’t need the rest. You should know that. And I already tried half of those spells and potions you mentioned and it did nothing. Hell, the surgery hardly did anything.”

“Magnus...” Catarina said softly.

“I need some time, Cat,” Magnus said turning to her. “It’s too much right now.”

“I think it might be a good idea for you to rest, Mr. Bane,” Dr. Branwell interjected. “How bad is that headache right now?”

“On a scale of 1 to Marie Antoinette, I’d call it a 7.”

“That’s rather dramatic, Magnus, even for you” Tessa said.

“Clearly you’ve been away for a bit longer than normal, Tess,” Catarina responded. Magnus smirked.

“Uh.. Okay… How long have you had it?” the doctor asked after regaining herself.

“I’d say all day, but it’s getting worse as the day continues. Nothing a drink or two and uninterrupted sleep can’t fix.”

“I’d advise against alcohol for now, Mr. Bane. Take these instead before going to sleep. It should help with some of the pain at least. And you’re right, sleep is the best.” She handed him a bottle that rattled lightly.

“Not that many in here,” he said raising an eyebrow.

“If you need more, come see me tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Dr. Branwell.”

“Please call me Lydia, we’ll be seeing a lot of each other for a while so no need for formalities.”

“Very well, Lydia, thank you,” he said getting up from the uncomfortable chair. He reached over for his cane that he left leaning on the wall.

“Here, let me help,” Tessa said as her shifting shape popped into his view. She handed him his cane and then grabbed his arm to guide him to the door.

“Tessa, dear, this is entirely unnecessary and to be honest a little rude.” He patted her hand. “I know it’s to be helpful but it can be rather condescending. It’s not exactly a large room, I think I can find my way just fine.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Magnus.” She dropped her hand from his arm and moved away from him. “It was an instinct, I guess.”

“Don’t worry, seems to be an instinct shared with quite a few people.”

“Care for company back to your room, Magnus?” Catarina asked.

“I think I need some time alone, Cat, but thank you.” He smiled in her direction as he used the white cane to navigate out of the room. He was sure no one would follow him as they were likely to continue the discussion about him whether he liked it or not. He waited until he was out of earshot of the room to let out a heavy sigh.

He made his way through crowded corridors having to deflect people every once in a while in their offer to help him. With his nerves already frazzled he was having a hard time keeping his breath steady. A random Nephilim grabbed his arm before asking if she could help which was a mistake for the poor girl’s hand. Magnus tried hiding his amusement as he apologized. He also gave a short lecture on why it was never a good idea to sneak up on a Warlock. She also apologized and assured him she was fine and that she’d take his words to heart.

Finally at his room he slammed the door shut to the rest of the Institute. He walked around the room grabbing a few things and then opened a portal. His confidence in his magic for this at least was enough. There was no way he would get any real rest here. He stepped into his apartment and took a deep breath. He sat down on the floor in the middle of his living room hearing the Chairman pad over.

“Hello there, beautiful.” He scratched behind his left ear at his favorite spot and the cat started purring. “Let’s go to bed.” He scooped him up and made his way to the bedroom. He kicked at some of the clothes and whatever ended up on the floor the other night out of the way and placed the purring cat onto the bed. He summoned a bottle of water from his fridge and downed the pills Lydia gave him. Without changing clothes he crawled onto the bed and went to sleep quickly. The Chairman curling up against the back of his knees.

 

\----

 

“Jace!” a young woman’s voice called out.

“Hey Clary,” Jace said softly as he entered the room. Alec raised an eyebrow at the unfamiliar tone.

“Wasn’t sure you were going to grace me with your presence today,” she said lightly.

“Oh yeah? Worried were you?” Jace said clearly in a flirting manner and Alec raised both eyebrows. I am not here for this, he thought. He crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.

“Not really,” she said clearly flirting back. “More out of boredom, no one has been around all day.”

“Well, that’s really your fault now isn’t it,” Jace said chuckling, his voice sounding closer to Clary’s.

“How is it my fault?”

“Your drawings, they were shared with everyone today.” Jace’s voice took on a more serious tone.

“Oh.”

Alec cleared his throat.

“Right… Clary, I’d like to introduce you to my parabatai.”

“It’s about time,” she said walking up to Alec, the smell of charcoal and coffee whirling around her. “Hi, Alec, right? I’m Clary. Jace has told me so much about you.”

Alec gulped at the lump that suddenly formed in his throat. He swallowed again before trying to speak.

“Uh, h-hello.” He tried to say something more, anything, but the words kept dissipating.

“She has her hand out to shake, Alec,” Jace offered.

“Oh, s-sorry,” Clary said quickly, ”I should have said something, I forgot…”

“That’s okay,” Alec said tentatively reaching a hand out as to not find himself in an embarrassing situation. He felt her hand grasping his and he shook it twice. “Happens all the time, even with people I’ve known all my life.”

“That’s got to be annoying,” Clary said.

“Not to mention rude and insensitive,” Jace chimed in, trying to tease Clary some more.

“Oh, ‘cause you never do that at all, Jace,” Alec said crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows pointedly.

“Name one time,” Jace said, crossing his arms to mimic. Alec smiled to himself at that terribly noisy leather jacket. Jace would be a terrible ninja, Alec thought, why is he even wearing it, we’re indoors.

“How about two weeks ago with the coffee.”

“Hey, you can’t fault me for anything when it’s that early in the morning and I haven’t had any caffeine yet.”

“What happened?” Clary asked delightedly.

“I was just handing him his coffee,” Jace stated.

“Yeah, without telling me so when I didn’t stop walking towards the counter I got covered in scalding coffee. Pretty sure it left a mark too.”

“No worse than anything Magnus has done, buddy.”

Alec blushed against his will.

“You’d think for a hundreds year old Warlock he’d have learned how to be more discreet,” Jace said.

“Yeah, well… this isn’t what we came here to talk about.” Alec blushed more and pursed his lips to hide a mischievous smile.

“Oh, I don’t mind,” Clary said with a laugh. “It’s nice to finally see Jace in front of a friend and see what he’s really like.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m the same around everyone.”

“You flirt with everyone, but you relax while still flirting around your friends,” Clary observed.

“I don’t flirt.”

“Ha!” Alec and Clary said in unison. Alec grinned at Clary, his earlier tension put at ease.

“I do not! I just… whatever, that’s not what we’re here to talk about.”

“Right,” Alec said, smirking.

“I wanted Alec to meet you and talk to you about the runes you drew, specifically that one we talked about early on.”

“Okay, what about it?”

“I… uh.. How do you come up with them?” Alec asked.

“Sometimes I’ll see them in a dream, written on a wall, or in the clouds, or handed to me on a note. Sometimes they just happen when I’m drawing. Like this bright light showing me the image just seconds ahead of me as I draw it. Sometimes one will just appear in my notebook and I have no recollection of drawing it. I don’t fully understand what they are but I feel compelled to keep drawing.”

Alec recognized the prepared speech. After telling your story so many times to so many people you finally have a polished piece that you just recite automatically. He spent most of his youth doing this.

“I.. I’m sorry, I’m probably the millionth person to ask you that.” Alec said wincing.

“It’s okay. I don’t mind. Just nice having something I can remember fully to tell.”

Alec’s heart dropped into his stomach. He knew it would come up. He knew he would be face to face with the person who was left for dead because of him. The person who was robbed of a childhood with her family. The person who had to spend their life getting tortured by mind wipes. And it was all his fault. All his fault. His fault.

He tried to take a breath but found nothing there.

“Alec!” Jace said with alarm. “What’s going on, you’ve gone white as a sheet.”

Alec tried to respond but the words caught in his throat. He couldn’t get any air and his chest started to burn.

“What’s happening?” Clary cried. “Is he sick?”

“Alec, Alec, listen to me. Just listen to my voice.”

Alec inhaled a loud scraping sound of air and then another quickly. He fell back against the door jamb. He felt Jace’s hands on his arms. He could hear Jace trying to talk him through it and focused on the words. Air finally returned to his lungs and he let out long breaths as he began to regulate.

“Th… thanks Jace,” Alec finally managed to speak.

“Anytime, Alec,” he whispered. Turning he said, “Hey Clary, can you get him some water?”

“Sure thing.”

There must be a sink in the room, Alec thought as he heard water flowing. A glass was placed against his hand.

“Thanks.” He took small sips as much as he wanted to gulp it down. He didn’t want to start choking on it.

“What… what just happened?” Clary asked quietly.

No one said anything for a moment and Alec felt Jace’s hand squeeze his arm in reassurement.

“It was a… a panic attack,” Alec said slowly. “I get them every once in a while.”

“Seems like more often, lately,” Jace said under his breath.

“I think a reason or two have popped up recently, don’t you think?”

“Yeah… Sorry, Alec.” He let go of Alec. “I thought this would help. I didn’t mean…”

“I know.”

“Wait… was this because of me?” Clary asked.

Alec took another deep breath and sighed.

“No. In a way it’s really my fault,” Alec said walking into the room. “Is there a chair in here? I think I need to sit for a moment.”

“Yeah, over here Alec.” Jace tentatively put a hand on Alec’s elbow in his way of asking permission. Alec nodded and Jace led him over to the chair. He was too exhausted to be concerned about it right now. He collapsed into the chair. He took another sip from the glass. He felt the edge of a table next to him and found a spot to place the glass down. He ran his hands over his face and then through his hair.

“What do you mean, your fault?” Clary asked.

Alec shook his head a little and sighed again. If he wasn’t going to talk about it now, he never would.

“How much has Jocelyn told you?” Alec asked after a moment.

“About what?”

“About the night of the explosion.”

“Oh, she told me that there was one and that they thought I was dead…”

“Anything else?” Alec prodded.

“Just that that was when my dad… er… Hodge Starkweather found me and took me.”

“She didn’t tell you that it was my fault that you were taken?” Alec was surprised. Jocelyn may have said it wasn’t his fault to his face but thought for sure that’s not how she really felt.

“Your fault? Why do you keep saying it was your fault?”

“Because your mom was busy comforting me and ended up protecting me instead of protecting you and your brother. It’s my fault you died.”

“I’m not dead, Alec.” Clary said firmly.

“Yeah but, it’s not like you got the life you were supposed to have.”

“Neither did you,” Jace said softly.

Alec didn’t know what to say to that. It wasn’t anything he had ever thought about. He had always accepted what had happened to him. As fate or as a punishment he didn’t really know, but he still accepted it. It was who he was now.

“The Clave fanatics did this to all of us,” Jace continued. “They killed my parents. They took your sight. They took Clary from her family. They did this.”

“And now I’m back with my family,” Clary said. “I may not remember much from my childhood but I know that these new memories I get to keep.”

“And I have a new family. Jocelyn, Valentine, Luke and now you and Izzy,” Jace said placing a hand on Alec’s shoulder. “Had any of this not happened we might not have met and become parabatai.”

Alec placed a hand on Jace’s and squeezed. “I can’t imagine a world without that happening.” Alec smiled.

“Me neither.” Jace pulled him in for a hug. “Now, can you stop saying it’s your fault?”

Alec swallowed. It would take a long time to get rid of this demon that’s been festering inside him since he was young. The battle might be a bit easier now, though, he thought.

“I need time, Jace.”

“I know. In the meantime let’s talk about this rune that Clary wrote for you.”

“For me?”

“I can’t think of anyone else it would be for,” Jace said audibly shrugging.

“I did draw it while Jace was telling me about you,” Clary said quietly.

“You did?” Jace asked.

“Yeah, I didn’t show it to you right away because I didn’t realize it was there until you had left; I remembered that was the only time I was drawing that day.”

“What do you think, Alec? That’s got to mean something, right?” Jace asked excitedly.

“I... guess it does.” Alec realized there was excitement in his own voice.

“Are you going to try it?” Clary asked tentatively.

“I think I am.”

“When? Can I be there when you do it?”

Alec took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He wanted to do it right now, but also wanted time to think about it more. He wanted Magnus there, too.

“Soon, I think. I need to do some thinking first…” Alec wrung his hands together for a moment. “And of course you can be there. You were the one who drew it, you should see the results.”

“Great, this is great, Alec,” Jace said, “I’m excited for you. You’ll finally get to see how pretty I am and then you’ll realize what you’re missing.”

“Ha, ha.”

“Don’t worry Alec, you’re not missing much,” Clary said after a groan.

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Jace asked.

“Well, how cool can you be when you’re wearing a leather jacket inside, when it’s really warm in here,” Clary asked.

“Right? What is up with that?” Alec was glad she caught on to Jace’s fondness for the jacket and that it was a perfect teasing point.

“What’s wrong with my jacket? It’s a classic! You can’t go wrong with one,” Jace said defensively. “You guys are wounding me, here.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you’ll survive,” Alec said standing up. “I need to get going anyway. I’m supposed to meet Magnus this afternoon.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Jace said knowingly.

“Hey, that’s not fair, that’s a pretty short list. And maybe I should be saying that to you.” Alec laughed as he walked to the door. Clary giggled. He turned and leaned on the door jamb. “Clary, it was very nice to meet you. And thank you. For… just thank you.”

“I’m glad I finally met you Alec, I thought Jace was just talking you up but I’m glad he was right.” She surprised him by coming up and giving him a small hug. “And let me know when you do the runing. I really do want to be there.”

“ I will.” Alec hugged her back and whispered, “Don’t go easy on him ever, he likes the teasing.”

“I heard that, Alec.”

“Good.” Alec let go of Clary and gave a wave to Jace. “See you guys later.”

He walked down the hall smiling with the sounds of Jace and Clary’s gentle laughter falling behind.

 

\------

 

Magnus crawled out of the second floor window of the house and stepped onto the grassy hill. He turned to see the large upturned house he just exited and watched as it grew smaller as it blew away in the wind. He shrugged his shoulders and started down the hill. The air stilled as he reached the bottom of the valley where a black placid lake sat. No light reflected off the surface of the water and it’s eerie familiarity sent a shiver down Magnus’ spine. He ignored the calls of the birds circling above him and kept his eyes locked with the middle of the lake. Finally a tiny ripple in the water formed as a horn slowly tore through the inky blackness followed by the face of a horse. Magnus squared his shoulders. Finally he would get answers from this damned unicorn. It was time. He had waited long enough. The creature stepped out of the lake and kept it’s rainbow eyes locked with Magnus’ as it moved closer. He stared the unicorn down.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” Magnus demanded. “You ate the last of the fruit loops without buying more.”  
The beast snorted and after a moment of silence handed him two pills and opened its mouth to speak. No words. Just a klaxon warning that made his head hurt with surging fire. He threw his hands to his head in agony and tried to scream but nothing came out. The sound grew louder until Magnus fell to his knees.

 

 

He sat bolt upright in his bed covered in sweat and breathing rapidly. The warning sound still blaring through his head. He jumped out of the bed realizing his wards were warning him of an intruder. He stumbled over to the bedroom door, stubbing his toe on the items strewn across the room. Swearing, he gathered magic around his hands and stepped out of his room, face down watching his magic growing.

“This was a very bad time to disturb me, whoever you are. I am under-rested and in a foul mood for unwelcome visitors. I suggest you leave before I make you leave in more pieces than you arrived.” He pulled at the magic between his hands and readied a blast.

“Holy shit, Magnus, it’s just me.” Alec’s voice was like a splash of cool water. Magnus’ power doused into nothingness. Magnus looked up and there was the familiar beautiful shining form. The klaxon silencing with a suddenness that made his ears ring.

“Alexander, what on earth are you doing here?” Magnus asked, horrified with what he almost did. His arms fell to his sides as he steadied his breathing. He stepped back and leaned against a wall. His heart finally getting a moment as it was still racing from the medically induced dream.

“You weren’t in your room or anywhere in the Institute. You weren’t answering your phone, either.” Magnus heard a hitch in Alec’s voice. “I was worried.”

“Worried?” Magnus asked. About me? he thought. People don’t worry about me.

“Yes, worried. I went to meet you like we had planned but you weren’t there. I thought you might still be with the doctor and that worried me because it shouldn’t have taken that long.” Alec moved closer to Magnus. “But you weren’t there either. Then I found Catarina and she told me how you were upset about the appointment...”

“More overwhelmed, actually,” Magnus mumbled as he pushed off of the wall despite the exhaustion.

“Then I bumped into Jenna in the cafeteria when I kept looking for you and she told me what happened.”

“Jenna?”

“The girl whose hand you burned.”

“That was an accident, I didn’t mean to hurt…” Magnus said quickly.

“I know, she told me everything. She feels pretty bad for scaring you,” Alec said putting a hand on Magnus’ arm.

“Scared?” scoffed Magnus. “More like incensed. How she snuck up on me like that is an insult to my abilities. I thought you Nephilim weren’t trained for combat stealth anymore.” Alec made a small noise that sounded like a laugh.

“Well, you did say you were overwhelmed. Senses are skewed when that happens. Believe me, I know,” Alec said softly as he squeezed Magnus’ arm gently.

Magnus felt tension leave his muscles. He hadn’t noticed how keyed up he had been. How does he do this? Magnus thought. How does he calm me so quickly?

“Thank you, Alexander,” Magnus whispered.

“For what?”

“For worrying about me. It’s not…” Magnus paused, swallowing at the sudden lump in his throat. “It’s not exactly something I’m used to.”  
Alec pulled Magnus to him, wrapping his arms around. Magnus sighed and leaned his head against Alec’s shoulder and wrapped his own arms around Alec’s lower back. He took a deep breath and it came out again as a faltering staccato which surprisingly turned into soft sobs. Tears started streaming down his face. Alec held him closer as Magnus cried.

Magnus felt slightly embarrassed to be breaking down in front of someone, but the warmth and comfort surrounding him made him feel safe. Alec made him feel safe. Something he thought he always had with his powers. This was a different kind of safe. One he wasn’t familiar with... but definitely wanted more.

After what felt like hours to Magnus, his tears starting to dry up. His breaths hiccupping less frequently as sheer exhaustion took over.

“I’m sorry,” he finally was able to get out.

“Don’t be,” Alec said, running a hand over Magnus’ cheek, using his thumb to wipe at the wet lines on his face. “You needed that.”

“It would seem so.” Magnus pushed his face into the warm hand.

“It’s like a mourning process. You lost a part of yourself. It’ll take time.”

“I prefer to do my mourning alone… Seems like I’ll be spending most of that time with a lot of people flitting and fussing around me,” Magnus said.

“Yeah, that does tend to happen, you know, when people care about you,” Alec said lifting Magnus’s chin.

“Yes, well, there is that,” Magnus said smirking. The expression was short lived as Alec’s lips met with Magnus’. Magnus fell into the kiss, Alec’s warmth surrounding him. Magnus was so tired that it felt like Alec was holding him up with just this kiss. He slumped a little when Alec pulled away.

“I’ve been wanting to do that since you left the library,” Alec said.

“Me too,” confessed Magnus then immediately felt bad realizing what he had done. “I’m sorry I didn’t let you know that I was leaving, I just had to get out of there as fast as possible.”

“It’s okay...” Alec said, “now, at least. Next time, let me know. As your caseworker I’m responsible for you.”

“Caseworker,” Magnus said teasingly, “I almost forgot that’s why you’re around me all the time.”

“Mmmhmm, that’s exactly why I’m always around you and wanting to see you and wanting to kiss you.” Alec said kissing Magnus on the shoulder.

“Oh, so this is just the typical Alexander Lightwood routine for all his cases. And here I was thinking I was getting special treatment,” Magnus said dramatically.

“Special? Oh no, you’re getting the very typical and often used Alexander Lightwood treatment for whining Warlocks who sees things that glitter and sparkle and who happen to enjoy kissing Nephilim.”

“That’s not fair, there’s so many of us like that,” Magnus feigned a pout. Alec laughed. Magnus stifled a yawn.

“Sounds like I’m boring you,” Alec said with a smirk.

“Far from it, Alexander,” Magnus said freeing his arms to place his hands on Alec’s chest. “I’m beyond exhausted, someone keeps making it difficult for me to get any sleep lately.”

“That’s not very nice of him, want me to have a talk with him about that?”Alec said moving his hand slowly up and down Magnus’ back.

“Mmmm, no, I’m enjoying myself too much,” Magnus hummed. Alec chuckled. Magnus yawned again unable to stifle it.

“That’s too bad, I just talked to him and he agreed that you need to sleep.” Alec pulled away, reaching up and taking Magnus’ hands in his own. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.”

“Fine,” Magnus said wearily and followed Alec into the bedroom. He took a breath and snapped his fingers to put them both into comfy pajamas.

“Woah, that’s presumptuous of you,” Alec said with a laugh.

“You’re not joining me?” Magnus said sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I need to let the Institute know that I found you and that you’re okay.”

“You’re going back?”

“No, not yet, I’ll stay while you sleep. I can take the time to work on your case notes anyway.”

“Ooh, are you going to report everything you’ve worked on with me?” Magnus said with his eyebrows up.

Alec laughed and said, “No, I think most of them have figured out something anyway. Walking arm in arm and covered in these...” He ran his fingers down Magnus’ neck. Magnus chuckled.

“Well, at least lay down with me until I fall asleep.”

“I won’t say no to that,” Alec said sitting next to Magnus. “However, you have to tell me where my clothes go when you snap them away like that.”

“Well, this time they should be folded up neatly on the dresser in my closet.”

“This time? What about last time?”

“Well… last time I have no idea,” Magnus shrugged. “We should focus on being thankful that they came back when I summoned them again later.” He turned and crawled up the bed and slid under the sheets, pulling a section of them back for Alec who joined him quickly.

“You really didn’t know where they were?” Alec asked.

“Not a clue, why?”

“Doesn’t that freak you out, not knowing?”

Magnus took a moment to think about it, finally saying, “No. Does it freak you out not knowing what’s around you at all times?”

“N..no.” Alec said, not expecting that kind of response.

“Well, it’s kind of like that, I guess,” Magnus said pulling Alec’s arm around his shoulders and cuddled into his side.

“I don’t know if it’s the same thing…” Alec chuckled.

“Sue me, I’m half asleep here.”

 

Alec smiled as Magnus tried to meld their bodies together under the blankets. He ran his hand slowly up and down Magnus’ arm. He listened to the slowing breaths and took a deep breath himself, letting it out slow. He decided to contact the Institute after Magnus was asleep. He had texted Izzy before he left so he was sure she would figure things out by now. His thoughts ran over themselves in his mind. Running over Magnus and all he’s been going through, and then always going back to the rune Clary had made.

“Magnus?”

“Hmmm?” Magnus responded.

“You asleep yet?”

“Mmmm, no. You can’t escape that easily. You have to wait here until I’m fully asleep,” Magnus mumbled.

Alec snorted a laugh..

“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t dream of leaving you,” Alec said without thinking. He cleared his throat and continued quickly, “I wanted to ask you something.”

“Wassat?” Magnus said, sounding like he was almost asleep.

“Is it worth it?”

“Is what? Worth what?” asked Magnus pulling himself out of sleep.

“Is sight worth it?”

“What do you mean, Alec?” Magnus lifted his head.

“Putting yourself through all the exams and spells and surgeries. Is being able to see worth all that?”

“What is this? Are you saying I shouldn’t try to get my sight back?” Magnus asked confused.

“No, no, no,” Alec said, not realizing how that question would have sounded to Magnus. “Not at all, Magnus. I want you to be happy and if that means getting your sight back then of course it’s worth it. I mean… I don’t know what I mean.” Alec put a hand to his forehead in frustration. “Just… just forget about it. You need to sleep.

“Now wait a minute, clearly it’s something.”

Alec ran his hand through his hair, leaving it under his head. Magnus placed a hand on Alec’s chest.

“Please, Alexander. I’m here for you too. Talk to me.”

Alec took a deep breath and started, “There’s a possibility.”

“A possibility for what?”

“For me to see again.” Alec’s voice was barely a whisper. He felt Magnus tense a little under his touch.

After a long moment of silence Magnus finally asked, “How do you feel about that?”

“I’m not sure. Twenty years ago I would have jumped at it. Hell, I probably would have ten years ago.”

“And now?”

“Now… it’s a part of me now… it is me.” Alec sighed. “I mean, would I still be me?”

“That’s valid. I don’t fully feel like me anymore,” Magnus offered, “however, I feel like me more everyday.”

“But if someone offered you a potion or some sacred rock that would return your sight right now you would take it wouldn’t you?” Alec accused.

“I…” Magnus hesitated, “I honestly don’t know what I would do.”

Alec furrowed his brows in confusion. “How could you not want to get it back?”

Alec felt Magnus’ fingers run down the side of his face.

“If anyone could see what I see right in this moment they wouldn’t ask that question,” Magnus said breathily.

Alec felt his cheeks flush with heat.

“Come on, you can’t mean that. A world full of sunsets, mountains, oceans, forests, the stars at night...”

“I’ve seen all those a million times,” Magnus interrupted. “I’ve never seen anything as magnificent as what I see right now.”

“Magnus…” Alec had to stop, a lump in his throat. He didn’t know what else to say even if he could. There weren’t words. He placed a hand on Magnus’ face and guided him to a kiss. Their lips touching so tenderly that it conveyed everything Alec wanted to say.

Alec moved onto his side to face Magnus, leaning their foreheads together and intertwining his fingers with Magnus’.

Alec’s mind began racing about the rune again and the possibilities with it.

“So, you wouldn’t want me to be able to actually see you?” he asked quietly. He felt Magnus’ breath against his chest in a huff.

“Alexander, this is about your choices, not mine. I can’t make this decision for you.”

“I know, I just want to know what you think about it,” Alec asked.

“If the chance to see again is worth the risk of changing everything you’re familiar with, then do it. If it’s not worth it, then don’t.” Magnus raised his head and kissed Alec’s forehead. “Now that logic is out of the way, you should do what’s in your heart. And for the record, I think you really see me already.”

Alec smiled. He knew Magnus was right. He was sure being able to see Magnus with his eyes wouldn’t change how he felt about him. He knew it would change a lot in his life if he could see again. But, Alec thought, I do teach that change is not something to be afraid of.

“Whatever you decide, Alec, I’ll be there for you through it.”

“Thank you Magnus… for everything.” Alec wrapped his arms around Magnus and buried his head into the man’s shoulder. Magnus hugged him back and turned to kiss him on the neck. He immediately yawned. Alec chuckled.

“I’m terribly sorry, darling, but it seems I am completely spent,” Magnus sighed. Another yawn pulled at him.  
“I’m the one that’s sorry for bringing this up when you needed the sleep more.”

“Alexander, I’m glad you talked to me about it,” Magnus’ voice said slowing. “I want to be there for you…. *yawn* as much as you are for me....”

“Go to sleep Magnus,” Alec said with a smile, his heart aching with joy.

“Not a problem,” Magnus slurred, “feels like I’ve been awake for 5 days…” His voice stopping abruptly followed by slow soft breaths.

Alec grinned and checked his watch.

It was 4pm.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breakfast and feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for hanging in there with me. This one was a tough one to write. Please enjoy!

Magnus yawned and stretched his sleep-stiff limbs. The soft mattress below him reminded him that he was in his own bed. He smiled and pushed his face into his pillow. I’m sorry, pillow, I’ll try and not leave you ever again, he thought. He rolled onto his back and pulled the blankets up to his chin. He took a deep breath and sat up with surprise. He inhaled again and his stomach angrily responded. He realized he hadn’t eaten a thing the day before. His stomach made another noise.

“Alright, you, let’s investigate,” Magnus said, reaching for his robe. The cool silk caused goosebumps to crawl on his skin. He wrapped his arms around himself at the chill and headed for the kitchen.

“Good morning, Magnus.”

“You stayed!” Magnus said, making his way to the counter, still unable to pull his eyes away from the lights sparkling and popping around Alec’s form.

“Yeah, I fell asleep too it seems,” Alec said with a chuckle. “That’s a seriously comfortable bed you have there.”

“Yes, it is. I spent a long time finding the right one. Did you make food?” Magnus couldn’t ignore the painful rumbles.

“Uh, yeah, I figured you didn’t get much to eat yesterday. I hope you don’t mind…”

“Mind? Alexander you’re a literal angel from heaven. I’m ravenous and it smells wonderful.”

“That’s good, I wasn’t sure what you would like so I made a lot. There’s bacon, scrambled eggs, blueberry muffins, coconut rice, I’ve got some fish frying right now, not completely sure what kind but it smelled fresh when I opened the package…”

“You have been busy! How long have you been up, Alec?” Magnus asked, sitting down at the island counter. He felt a warm mug nudged into his hand.

“Long enough,” Alec said. “I hope that tea is ok. I figured it might be one you like because it was almost empty.”

Magnus brought the mug up to his face and was greeted by the familiar scent of bergamot. Not his favorite, but definitely up there. He took a sip and smiled.

“I can grab sugar and milk if you need.”

“Alec, this is perfect the way it is. Thank you… for all of this.”

“Say that after you’ve eaten,” Alec chuckled.

“I can’t imagine it would be bad the way everything smells. And as hungry as I am I don’t think I’d care.”

“Alright then, come grab a plate.”

Magnus walked around the counter, using the back of his hand to guide himself around the chairs. He sidled up next to Alec, trying to get as close without getting in the way.

“Okay,” Alec said putting a plate into Magnus’ hand while snaking his other hand around Magnus’ waist, pulling him closer. Magnus smiled and snuggled into the side hug. “Muffins are to the left, bacon and eggs in front of them, rice is to the right, some boiled veggies are in front of that. I also put a dish of fresh berries in the middle. Have at it. I’ll have the fish ready in a minute or two.”

Magnus turned and gave a soft kiss to Alec’s cheek, feeling the morning’s stubble against his lips.

“What was that for?” Alec asked, Magnus hearing a smile in his voice.

“For you, for this, for staying.”

Alec turned and pulled Magnus to face him. Magnus felt a hand on his face, and he leaned into it, closing his eyes away from the intense light.

“Magnus, why is it so surprising that I stayed? I’ve stayed other nights.”

Magnus sighed. “Well, those nights we rather tired each other out so I understood why you stayed,” Magnus paused, holding the plate close to his chest like a shield. “Last night was different.” Magnus felt the muscles in Alec’s arms tense up for a second.

“Was… it wrong for me to stay?”

“Not at all,” Magnus said quickly. “It’s just... a pleasant surprise.” Magnus leaned up and met Alec’s lips with his own in a languid kiss.

Suddenly Alec pulled away.

“Oh crap, the fish.” Alec hopped over to the stove. “Magnus, eat, while some of it is still warm.”

Magnus chuckled and licked his lips. He really meant that everything smelled delicious. He normally didn’t eat this much in the morning but today was going to be an exception. Alec took the time to make food for him and he was going to try everything. It had been so long since anyone had done this for him that he couldn’t even remember the last time. He took a deep breath and slowly moved his hand, discovering each food item and their serving utensils, carefully placing things on his plate. Magnus was tired of looking like a bumbling fool around Alec. He was used to being the graceful one, the one in control. He sat down at the counter again with a small sigh and began to eat.

“Alexander, this is amazing.” Magnus closed his eyes with pleasure with the first bite.

“Thanks, I just hope I haven’t ruined this,” Alec said with frustration.

“I’m sure it will be fine, it smells wonderful.” Magnus took another bite of bacon and then a bite of muffin and realized fully the scope of everything Alec had made.

“Alec, can I ask you something, and I mean no offense when I ask it.”

“Let me guess, how did I make all this stuff being blind?”

Magnus swallowed guiltily.

Alec chuckled.

“It’s okay to ask that. I like telling people about it because it shows them two things: How much they rely on sight when cooking and how not hard it is to do without sight.” Magnus heard some scraping.

“Right now I’m getting the fish out of the pan. I could tell I had it because of the weight on the spatula and I checked with a finger quickly to tell where the edges where. I already had a plate ready next to the stove so I know where to put the fish.”

“Ok. But how do you know when something is ready?” Magnus asked before shoving a fork full of fluffy eggs into his mouth.

“You said it before,” Alec said while scraping at the pan again. “That the fish smelled good so you thought it would be fine. Even though most people use their sight as the main guide for cooking, their noses do a lot of work too.”

Magnus raised his eyebrows in acknowledgement and agreement. “That makes a lot of sense.”

“Magnus…” Alec said suddenly stern.

“What?” Magnus asked, concerned he had said something wrong.

“Sense? Come on, it is too early for bad puns.”

“No such thing, Alexander,” Magnus said with a smirk. “However, it was completely unintentional. This time.” Alec chuckled. Magnus sighed contently as he tore off another piece of muffin. He paused before putting the piece into his mouth and looked up at Alec. “Okay, now I know that your sense of smell did not help you figure out my stove.”

“True.” Alec sat down next to Magnus and began to eat.

“So how did you do it?”

“An app on my phone. It connects you with sighted volunteers who can describe stuff for you.”

“Well, that’s pretty clever.” Magnus thought about the many jars of ingredients for spells and potions that he knew could be difficult (and dangerous) to identify by touch or smell.

“Just have to remember that the volunteers aren’t exactly familiar with our world so just be careful what you show them.”

“Oh, that would be a little awkward. ‘What does this say?’ ‘Demon's bile?’ ‘Shax or Ravener?” Magnus chuckled.

“Yeah, you might give someone a weird day.”

Magnus stood up and made his way around the counter and tried finding the plate by the stove Alec had mentioned. As he reached for the counter he bumped into the handle of the frying pan, sending it crashing to the floor.

“Oh shit,” Magnus yelped. He picked it up quickly and as he was placing it back on the stove he knocked the plate of fish. He waved his free hand and felt his magic grab the plate before it too crashed to the floor.

“You ok?” Alec asked around a mouthful of food. The stool scraping as he stood up abruptly.

“Just fine. Having a clumsy moment is all. Thought I was done doing stupid things like that,” Magnus huffed in frustration.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Magnus. Took me years of training and I still bump stuff. Everyone does.”

“Hmmph,” Magnus scoffed as he swapped his plate out for a bowl with a flick of his fingers. He grumpily filled it with rice and vegetables, topping it with the fish. Clenching his jaw he felt the irrational anger at himself for knocking something down that was a simple accident. The logic was there in his brain but sometimes the emotions were just too hard to hide from. The simple act of knocking something over brought up a powerless feeling and he was not enjoying it at all. He felt his stomach sour a little but sat down determined to continue trying Alec’s food.

 

“Hey,” Alec said quietly. When Magnus didn’t say anything he continued, “It’s going to be real hard for a while. At some point, I promise, you will start forgiving yourself.”

He felt Magnus slump a little in his seat. Alec put an arm around Magnus’ shoulders and pulled him closer. Magnus stiffened at first in surprise then softly leaned into Alec’s side. “I promise.” Alec ran a finger gently along Magnus’ cheek, finding a tear and wiping it away.

Magnus took a sharp intake of breath. Alec stood up from the stool and pulled Magnus to him. He wrapped his arms around Magnus’ firm back wishing he could just hug away all the pain and frustration. Magnus clung to his chest, taking in fistfuls of shirt. Alec made soothing sounds as Magnus silently cried.

Alec remembered going through this vividly. How he hated being around people at first, refusing to be in classes with everyone else. He didn’t want them watching him, feeling sorry for him, waiting for him to fail. After so many tantrums his mother finally hired tutors for him. How many times did he get angry and then start crying anytime he made a mistake writing braille? He couldn’t even try and count that. How jealous he was of how good Jace was at Capoeira and Izzy took to Judo like it was nothing. His parents wouldn’t let him try any sports but Jace and Izzy let him practice with them. He would get so angry and berate himself when he would do something wrong like hitting one of them or losing his balance. He knew now that it was just the process of learning but at the time without actually seeing that happen to other people….

He had felt sorry for himself for a long time. He sighed and held Magnus closer.

After a minute or two he felt Magnus calming down. He even felt him chuckle softly as he let go of Alec’s shirt. Alec loosened his arms as

Magnus sat up.

“God, I’m such a mess,” Magnus said, still with a small laugh in his voice. Alec could tell he was trying to brush it off.

“No, you’re not. You’re just going through some shit times,” Alec soothed. He smiled gently and ran a hand up Magnus’ shoulder to his neck and then to his face. “No one goes through shit times perfectly.”

“Hmph, you got that right.” Magnus sighed. “I’m just… used to being more in control over my emotions.” Magnus took a deep breathe and let it out quickly. “Better finish eating, I don’t want it to get too cold.”

“Good idea,” Alec said, purposely going with Magnus’ change of subject. He knew Magnus needed to get there himself. No amount of comfort or talking was going to suddenly make everything better. Sometimes just moving on is the only thing you can do to survive. He sat back down, moving his seat closer to Magnus so they could keep contact. Magnus made a small noise of laughter and rubbed his shoulder against Alec. He smiled and returned to his plate.

 

 

“I think I’m going to try the rune,” Alec said after a comfortable silence. Magnus put his mug down gently. Alec waited for him to say something. He didn’t know what he was expecting Magnus to say or even what he wanted him to say. He took a sip from his coffee, it was a hair more bitter than he was used to but he welcomed the warmth. “I think I should do it so they’ll know if it works or not.”

“That’s admirable.” There was no sound of approval or disapproval in his voice which made Alec relax.

“It just makes sense, I’m the only one here it would work on. It would take time to find someone else. It’s not something we keep track of.”  
Magnus mumbled a word under his breath. Alec was pretty sure he had said ‘anymore’ and he’d be right but he continued instead.

“It’s better to find out as much as we can about all these runes as fast as we can.”

“True,” Magnus said reaching for something. Alec heard him scooping something onto his plate and wondered what he chose. He felt a tap at his arm from the edge of a bowl. “Berries?”

“Sure.” Alec took the bowl and spooned some onto his plate. He maneuvered the bowl back into its spot on the crowded counter.

“So, are you going to tell me the real reason or are you sticking with the ‘Honorable Shadowhunter’ story?” Magnus took a loud slurp from his tea as if emphasizing his question.

Alec paused with his spoon in his mouth trying not to choke on the fruit. He slowly slid the metal utensil past his lips and worked on carefully chewing. He thought about defending himself but he knew it would be a lie. Magnus was right.

“It’s alright, you know,” Magnus said, gently placing his hand on Alec’s shoulder.

“What is?” Alec put his spoon down and grabbed his mug, wrapping his fingers around it trying to syphon the comforting warmth. He was worried he had made Magnus upset by talking about this so soon.

“To do something just for yourself.”

Magnus slowly pulled his hand away and Alec shifted on the stool. It didn’t sound as bad in Magnus’ voice as it did in his mind.

“I can tell you’re not used to doing that,” Magnus took another loud slurp from his tea. Jeez, Alec thought, how does he still have so much tea? Then he nodded to himself, the same way his coffee was still warm.

“Thanks for keeping my coffee warm.”

“You’re welcome, and don’t change the subject, darling.”

“Well, stop making all that tea noise.”

“I have to let you know somehow of the face I’m making at you right now,” Magnus said taking another slurp but failing half way through because he started laughing. Alec laughed too, gently pushing a hand to Magnus’ shoulder.

“Knock it off, it’s like chalk on a blackboard.” He heard Magnus take a breath as if he was going to do it again. “Don’t!” Alec warned.

“I wasn’t going to, I’m blowing on it to cool it down.”

“Uh huh, sure,” Alec teased with a smile.

“Honest!” Magnus assured. “Now, I also want you to be honest with yourself.”

“Okay, okay. I want… I want to do this for me. I’m curious.” Alec sighed. “I’m also nervous.”

“Nervous it won’t work?”

“Yes, and also nervous it will. Everything will change. I’ll have to basically relearn everything.That’s a lot of work.” Alec’s mind starting spinning. He could see all the times he would have to rely on other people to help him through this. He would be disrupting lives just because he was curious.

“Are you afraid that you won’t be able to adjust?” Magnus asked, following it with a soft curse as he clipped the edge of his plate with his mug as he sat it down.

“No, I’m pretty sure I can handle it.” Alec took a sip from his coffee. “I know I will need a lot of help, though. So, I think I’m more afraid of being even more of a burden than I already am to the people around me.”

“I highly doubt they see you as a burden.”

Alec felt Magnus’ warm hand on top of his. He turned his so he could interlace their fingers. Magnus squeezed it gently.

 

Magnus was surprised. Surprised that Alec felt like a burden. He was clearly fully capable of taking care of himself, and his job was actually taking care of other people. How is that burdensome? If anything Magnus was the burden. He was the one being clumsy. He was the one losing things. He was the one needing help all the time. He was…

Magnus chuckled to himself.

“What?” Alec asked.

“Oh I just understand how you feel. I’m rather burdensome right now.” Magnus started to pull his hand back but Alec held tight.

“You are not a burden to anyone,” Alec said with that earnest tone in his voice that kept making Magnus’ heart skip a beat.

“If I’m not a burden then there’s no way you are,” Magnus said softly. “The people around you seem like they will be behind you with whatever you decide. You’re lucky to have such a good support system.”

“Yeah,” Alec said with a smile. “I guess you’re right. I, uh... “ Alec hesitated. Magnus waited quirking an eyebrow; he could practically hear Alec’s brain working overtime. Alec took a small breath and continued, “I’d like to think that… uh.. That is… I hope that you…would want to be a part of… that support system.”

Magnus smiled and shook his head. He had been worried that he was becoming attached to this shining beauty too quickly; apparently that didn’t matter. Time didn’t matter. All the very important people in his life had been Very Important to him quite quickly. Ragnor may chide him for falling so hard but he couldn’t fault him on being able to find meaningful connections when it mattered. One major mistake out of so many wonderful relationships shouldn’t shadow the rest. He had forced himself to disconnect from everyone emotionally as best as he could over the years though, there had been sparks he had ignored a couple of times but not this time. He could not ignore this. It wasn’t just a spark. It was a raging fire, a bolt of lightning, an all sparkling, all dancing cacophony of light.

“Of course, Alexander, I’m here for you.” Magnus reached out to Alec and placed his hand gently on his shoulder. The clink of Alec’s mug setting down hit his ears shortly before Alec threw his arms around Magnus. He let out a small laugh of surprise.

“I’m here for you too, Magnus,” Alec said softly next to his ear. Magnus made a happy humming sound as Alec pressed his face into his neck. Alec slowly pressed warm kisses up his neck. Magnus giggled when he reached just below his ear and tried pulling away.

“Hey now, I wasn’t done,” Alec said with a feigned pout, holding his arms tight around Magnus’ shoulders.

“But it tickled, darling, and you know I’m ticklish there.” Magnus reached up and ran a finger down Alec’s side. Alec’s muscles tensed under Magnus’ touch. “Just like you are here.”

Alec laughed. “You got me there.” He maneuvered them in a way he was sitting on Magnus’ lap, straddling him on the stool. Magnus grabbed the edge of the counter for balance and laughed. Alec grabbed Magnus’ free hand and held it to his chest.

“And I’ve got you here,” Alec breathed.

Magnus shook his head in disbelief. How was this even happening in his life now?

“Alexander, you... “ he shook his head again. He couldn’t find the right words. Words have been his specialty for so long but they just couldn’t convey the weight of what he was feeling. He pressed his palm against Alec’s chest and ran his thumb in small circles. “I honestly can’t think of what to say. Alexander, it’s just… you.” The last word barely above a whisper. He pulled Alec to him and softly found his lips with his own. He tried to convey what words failed into Alec’s warm lips. Alec hummed into the kiss while Magnus wrapped his arms around him, trying to pull him closer.

Alec leaned into him which caused the stool underneath them to begin to teeter backwards. They both scrambled to grab onto the counter and right the stool. After a moment of panicked silence they both broke out into laughter. Alec carefully extricated himself and stood up.

“That was close!” Alec exclaimed, still chuckling.

“Oh, darling, have no fear, I would have saved us.” Magnus stood up and scooted both stools back under the counter.

“I don’t know…” Alec teased, “You seemed to have been a bit distracted…”

Magnus crossed his arms and mimicked a stern voice, “I’ll have you know, young man, I can do quite a lot of things while much more distracted.”

“Ah, so you admit you were distracted?” Magnus watched as Alec leaned against the counter, his arms crossed as well. Something caught Magnus’ eyes. He spotted some tiny dots of orange in Alec’s light aura near his face and somehow Magnus knew it was because Alec was smirking.

What the...? Magnus thought.

He furrowed his brows and moved to stand in front of Alec, trying to see the nuances better. Alec reached out and pulled Magnus to him.

Magnus noted a slight change in the colors, orange to yellow, and knew Alec was smiling. He smiled in return.

“How could I not be distracted by someone so beautiful?” Magnus beamed when he saw the changes. The yellow dots faded and a soft haze of pink haloed around Alec’s head.

“You’re blushing!” Magnus exclaimed rather loudly with glee, surprising both of them. The pink haze was joined by white lights that fizzled and popped.

“Wh… What?”

“You’re blushing! I can see that you’re blushing!” Magnus was buzzing with excitement.

“What!? You can? How…”

“Well, not on your face,” Magnus interrupted quickly. “The lights. Your lights. There’s some color changes with your expressions.” Magnus watched as the pink haze disappeared, the normal white light shimmering in waves that Magnus thought he understood.

“Confusion, right? That’s what you’re feeling right now. Right?”

“Uh… yeah… Magnus, what’s going on?”

“I don’t know.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He opened his eyes slowly and he could still tell how Alec was feeling. A slight graying to the white light let him know that Alec was concerned.

“Maybe we should get you back to the Institute?”

“I’m fine, Alec, I’m just seeing something new. It doesn’t hurt, I don’t think I’m in any danger from it.”

“That’s good to hear, but something’s changed so I think it’s best we report this.” He ran his hands up Magnus’ arms. Magnus looked away from him, unable to bear the concern pulsating in the lights. He felt fine and was slightly disappointed that Alec wasn’t as excited as he was about this change. He hadn’t realized how much he missed being able to read people from their facial expressions. This change was exciting.

“Hey, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, Magnus.” He ran his hands down Magnus’ arms and wrapping them around his fingers. “I’m just worried.”

Magnus sighed, leaned forward placing his forehead onto Alec’s shoulder. He focused on his breathing, mentally psyching himself up to face the cold rooms and the noise of the Institute. He sighed again and lifted his head. “Okay. I know you’re right and I should let them know what’s going on. But I’ll go on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

Magnus lifted up a hand and planted a gentle kiss on the back of Alec’s.

“You go get your rune first.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The new vision rune. Will it work?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> small change: I realized as I went through the story that I had Brother Zachariah at the Institute, and I also had Tessa mention Jem. So I went back and fixed it. It is now Brother Jeremiah at the Institute.

“Where’s Jace?” Alec asked for the twentieth time as he paced the room.

“Relax, Alec. He has to get Clary. You promised she could be here for this, remember,” Izzy said, sitting on the edge of her desk. Her office was the most secluded and already soundproofed so it had been a logical choice.

“They should be back by now.” Alec worried his hands together as he turned and walked to the back of the room. He deftly stepped around the chairs and tables littering the room. His pacing only stopped by a hand touching his arm.

“He’ll be here, Alexander.” Magnus said soothingly. “I can’t imagine he’d want to miss this.”

“Exactly,” Izzy chimed in.

-We have plenty of time. There is no rush.-

Brother Jeremiah's voice rang through each of their heads.

Alec let out an exasperated sigh.

Magnus rubbed Alec’s arm gently. The jagged lights around Alec’s shape was concerning. The fear and anxiety was almost unbearable to look at.

“It’s okay to be scared, Alexander.”

“I might get used to that someday,” Alec said with a small smile. “Remind me to never play poker with you.”

Magnus chuckled. “I wouldn’t need to cheat, my dear, I’m excellent at card games.” He patted Alec’s hand and continued, “However, I was just in a similar situation the other day so I think I know what you’re going through right now.”

Alec hummed an agreement. He wrapped his hand around Magnus’ and pulled him close. “Hey, thanks… for being here.”

“Of course, darling.”

Alec smiled and wrapped his arms around his waist, holding him tight. Magnus grinned despite himself and leaned into the hug, laying his head on Alec’s shoulder.

“Whatever happens, Alec, I’ll be here,” Magnus said softly.

Izzy beamed and silently took a picture with her phone. She smirked up at Brother Jeremiah who only tilted his head at her.

“Hey guys,” Jace said striding into the room. “Sorry, we were held up by Jocelyn and Maryse.”

“We couldn’t exactly ditch them quickly without some sort of suspicion,” Clary said as she entered the room behind him. She quickly closed the door. “This is everyone, right?”

“Yeah,” Alec said. “Don’t need to make it more of a big deal unless it actually is a big deal.” Magnus noticed some of the jagged lights softening around Alec. He started to move back so Alec could greet Jace properly. Alec stopped him from fully stepping away, keeping his arms loosely around his waist.

Jace strode over and put a hand on Alec’s shoulder.

“You ready for this, buddy?”

Alec took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He took a few more breaths to steady himself.

“You okay?” Magnus asked, noticing the spikes were back.

“Yeah.” Alec nodded. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Alright then, Brother Jeremiah, he’s all yours,” Jace said as he squeezed Alec’s shoulder before letting go. He stepped back next to Clary, taking her hand.

“I hope this works,” she whispered looking up at him. He gave her a small smile and a nod.

-Let’s begin.-

Alec took a deep breath and squeezed Magnus one more time before letting his arms fall away from him. Stepping back he turned to the Silent Brother who took his arm. He hissed at the initial sting of the stele marking his skin. He felt a hand slip into his free hand and a small amount of familiar warmth crackled into it giving him a sense of immediate calm. His lids closing as if drifting to sleep from the effect. The new rune wasn’t as complicated as his augmented True North so it was over faster than he thought.

-It is done.-

The only sound in the room a dry whisper of Brother Jeremiah moving away. Alec was sure everyone could hear his heart beating as well. He thought about not opening his eyes ever again for a moment.

“Alec?” Izzy prodded.

He took a breath and slowly opened his eyes. He turned his head around the room and let out a loud laugh.

“Alec?” Jace stepped forward.

“Did it…?” Clary asked tentatively.

Alec barked out another laugh as he dropped his head down.

Magnus squeezed his hand tightly. He looked away, the colors washing out and fading around Alec’s form. He swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“Nothing,” Alec finally said with a rough voice. “It, uh… it didn’t work.”

Izzy slumped her shoulders, closing her eyes against some tears. Clary put a hand to her forehead in confusion and disbelief. Jace strode over and pulled his parabatai in for a hug.

“It’s okay,” Alec said patting Jace on his back. “I’m okay.”

“I’m so sorry, Alec, I really thought that it would work,” Clary said shaking her head. “I don’t understand why it didn’t…”

“It’s okay, Clary,” Alec said. He ran his hands over his face, his fingers pressing against his eyes gently. Dropping them to his sides then shoving them into his pants pockets. “Maybe it’s just been too long for me.”

“But it doesn’t make any sense. It should work, that rune had to be for you,” Clary cried.

“Guys, why don’t we talk about this later.” Izzy got up and stood in front of Alec. She touched Alec’s arm lightly, not wanting to crowd him. She knew how he reacted to bad news with his agoraphobia. “Brother Jeremiah, thank you for your time. If you could join Clary and Jace in his office to go over everything, I would be grateful.”

-Very well.-

Jace gave Izzy a quick look of concern and she nodded to him with her eyes closed. He absent mindedly touched his lower torso where his parabatai rune was lightly pulsing.

“Okay,” Jace said with a nod, turning to his bonded brother. “Alec…”

“It’s okay Jace. Thanks for being here.” Alec tried to keep his voice controlled. He hadn’t expected to be so devastated by the lack of results. He hadn’t realized how high his hopes were. “Thank you all for being here,” he forced himself to say.

The dry sound swept out of the room followed by Clary and Jace, the door clicking softly behind them.

Alec sighed.

“Izzy, thanks for letting us use your office.”

“You’re welcome, big brother.” She crossed her arms and sat on the edge of her desk. “You want to talk about it?”

“I… uh…,” Alec started, rubbing a hand on the opposite arm.

“I think that’s my cue,” Magnus said quietly. He desperately wanted to comfort Alec but could tell now was not the time. “I should be off. I believe I owe some information to Dr. Branwell.”

“Magnus...” Alec started.

“It’s alright, Alec. I’ll be fine.” Magnus lifted a hand to reach out to him but dropped it with uncertainty. “I’ll be here at the Institute for the night I think.”

“I just… I think I need some time alone. Would it be okay if Izzy went with you? Izzy, is that okay?”

“Of course, Alec. It’ll give us some time to really talk,” she said with a smirk in her voice. Alec half-smiled.

“Thanks, Iz.”

“No problem, take your time. I rescheduled my clients for the day so you’re welcome to stay here.” She touched him again on the arm as she walked over to Magnus. “Would you care for an arm, sir?” she asked with a flourish.

“How could I refuse such an offer?” Magnus took her arm and swiped the cane in front of him to make sure the path was clear. After a few steps he stopped and turned. “Until later?”

Alec grinned tenderly, momentarily removed from the heaviness on his heart.

“Until then.”

 

\--------

 

Alec puffed a sigh of relief when he was finally alone. The only sound in the room was the sharp tick-tocking of the desk clock Alec had gifted Izzy when she was assigned her first clients. He reached for the sound and ran his fingertips on the smooth wooden surface when he found the clock.

His Mom and Jace had taken him to a nearby farmer’s market and he had been intrigued by the work of a wood carver. The textures were so different from the metal and glass normally found at the Institute. A different kind of smoothness, warm rather than cold. He smiled remembering the hard time Jace gave him to make a decision. He couldn’t decide between the clock and a beautiful coiled snake, Izzy’s favorite animal. Jace was bored by then, having had his fill of ogling the mundanes. His Mom had already left for some emergency at the Institute. After going over the pros and cons of each item Jace had huffed, “Just get ‘em both already. She’ll like them both and I’m really bored, Alec, and you know what I’m like when I’m bored.”

“Yeah, more annoying,” Alec had retorted with a laugh.

“Exactly, now come on.”

The wood carver had laughed with them and quickly wrapped the pieces up before bagging them.

“Here you go, boys,” she had said taking the money Alec had offered. “You have a real nice day.”

“Thanks.” Alec turned with a bag in each hand and raised an elbow for Jace to take. “Let’s g…”

Suddenly he was jolted backward by someone hitting his elbow. Luckily Jace was right there to stop him from falling to the ground.

“You okay, buddy?” Jace asked. Alec nodded too surprised to say anything.

“Ah, Jesus Christ!” A voice exclaimed. “Why don’t you pay attention to what you’re doing? I was right in front of you when you stuck that elbow out. What are you, fucking blind?”

“I’m s... sorry,” Alec said, still dazed, Jace helping him back to standing.

“I’d be careful what you say next, Mundane,” Jace spat.

“Jace, no,” Alec pleaded. He could feel his face warming from embarrassment.

“Gordy, watch your mouth. Don’t be so rude, he really is blind. Go easy on him,” the carver woman called.

“Easy? Elly, he shouldn’t even be allowed out in public in the first place. Don’t they have homes for people like him anymore?” the man shouted with venom.

Jace started to push past Alec.

“Jace... Jace, no.” He squared himself in front of his parabatai. “Let’s just go home. It’s not worth it.” For a few seconds Alec was worried Jace wouldn’t back down, his anger roiling through their bond. Then Jace stepped back.

“Let’s go... now,” Jace said through gritted teeth. He grabbed Alec’s arm and pulled him away through the crowd. Alec bumped into a few people as Jace forced his way through.

“Jace, slow down!” Alec yelled. He awkwardly slipped the bags into one hand so he could break free of Jace’s grip. “Stop!”

“What, Alec? I’m trying really hard to not go back there and break that guy’s nose.”

“Yeah and you’re making me piss off a bunch of other people along the way. Don’t drag me like that. Ever!”

“I was trying to get you out of the situation quickly!” Jace yelled in frustration.

“You were the one who needed to get out of there quickly.”

“That guy was an asshole!”

“True, but he was just using words. Words I’ve heard before and don’t bother me as much anymore.”

“But you apologized?! Why the hell did you apologize to that asshole?”

“Because I did hit him with my elbow. It was an accident and I apologized for it.”

“But what he said…” Jace said, starting to lose some of his steam. “Doesn’t that piss you off? Doesn’t it make you want to deck whoever says that?”

“It does piss me off, but hitting them isn’t going to solve anything.” Alec said, placing a hand on Jace’s shoulder. “It isn’t going to make you feel better, believe me.”

“How would you know? You’ve never hit anyone out of anger.”

“Wanna bet?” Alec said, raising his eyebrows.

“Oh hell yeah, I’ll take that bet.”

“Alright, when we get back ask Mom what I did in Latin class when I was 7 and if she doesn’t say ‘nothing that little brat, Gareth, didn’t deserve’ then I will pay for pizza from your favorite place we all hate every night for a month.”

“I’m getting a bad feeling about this bet.” Jace said, finally relaxed.

“You should, because if she does say that then you’re paying for sushi for a month.”

“No fair!” Jace exclaimed. “That’s more expensive!”

“Not my fault you have cheap tastes.” Alec shrugged and grinned.

“Hey!” Jace cried, giving Alec a playful punch on the arm.

Alec smiled at the terribly defeated sound Jace made when he lost the bet once they got home. He put the clock down gently. He never told Jace that he really wanted him to hit that guy, that he wanted to hit that guy himself, too. Thankfully Alec knew his part in their pairing was to keep the cooler head because there was no cooling such a hothead like Jace Herondale. It was part of what drew him in. They were so different from each other. He was like a ray of sunlight piercing through the darkness around him.

“Sunlight,” he scoffed out loud.

He knew he was envious of some other people with visual impairments. The ones who had some light perception, the ones who could make out some shapes, the ones with a small sliver of the world still visible. He was completely jealous of Magnus because what he described sounded so interesting and dynamic. Not the same nothingness day in and day out.

He puffed out a frustrated breath and slid down to the floor, his back against Izzy’s desk. The cold from the metal seeping through his thin tee-shirt. He shivered and rubbed his arms. His left hand still tingling from Magnus’ magic, he rubbed his thumb on the new rune on his right arm. The stinging had dulled to a bearable ache that would be gone in a few more moments.

Why didn’t it work?

Why did it even exist?

Why would have she been shown this rune if not for him?

What was the point?

“Why does any of this matter?” he asked the empty room only to be answered by the continuous tick-tock of the clock. He leaned his head back against the desk and sighed in resignation.

Nothing had changed. He was still the same Alec. Still just as capable as always. He wouldn’t have to be re-trained on anything. No overwhelming situations to frustrate him. What would he tell a client in this situation?

“You’re spiraling in self-pity, Alec,” he said out loud. Focusing on the imaginary client he continued. “You need to find a way out, or you’ll be stuck.” He nodded his head and stood up. He rubbed his hands to get some warmth into them. “Nothing can be accomplished, Alec, if you wallow in sadness and jealousy.” He leaned against the desk. “You’ll just keep hurting yourself and those around you.” He nodded resolutely.

Pushing off the desk he headed for the door. Reaching for the door handle he stopped and placed the hand on the door. Balling into a fist he hit the door once.

“Goddammit, I really wanted that to work.” He leaned his forehead against the door and let the tears fall freely. He hit the door again, weakly. “I really wanted this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. This tore me up while writing it. I didn't like doing this to Alec :(
> 
> Please yell at me in the comments.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a really long day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Much awaited Chapter 19!  
> This one gave me a hard time to write, but I wrestled it and told it who's boss. I hope you enjoy! And truly, thank you all to have read it and are waiting patiently for this update.

They walked in silence.

The hallways were filled with noises but it seemed as if they were all muffled by cotton. Her bent arm was tense and stiff, his hand just above her elbow, as they crossed the Institute slowly. Heels marking a staccato beat that countered his cane tapping, both sharp enough to cut through the fog of noise that surrounded them. The strain between them to talk was palpable, yet the silence continued.

Every once in a while Magnus would get a glimpse of light from an open door. He’d glance over quickly and spot a shape or two of the people rushing about their lives and with another step they were gone. The light with it.

It was becoming a fraction easier to deal with the loss each time the light disappeared, he noticed. He sighed to himself. Just like every other loss in his long life it would get better with time.

He tried to shake the self-pity and thought of what Alec was going through. He could hardly begin to imagine. It had been such a short time for his own loss and now having some light perception back was a completely different experience. Alec was so young when he lost his. Those years may be a mere drop in a bucket compared to those of Magnus’ life but still… It was a long time for anyone.

Magnus frowned to himself. Alec had been so unsure about getting the rune… did I say something that pushed him to do it? Did I not listen to him? Did I miss something? Could I have prevented this? All that pain? Alec’s hopes were so high…

Magnus’ face screwed into a deeper frown. Now, knock that off, he chided himself. Self-pity is always trying to mess with you, this isn’t your struggle. This is Alec’s. He made the decision to get the rune. He knew the possibility of it failing was real. This is no one’s fault and you’re not responsible for everyone’s pain.

He smirked when he realized the scolding voice in his head sounded like Ragnor. He would be so proud.

 

His ruminations were abandoned as light exploded around him. Judging from the distance that sounds were echoing back to him from they must have entered what he had earlier surmised as an atrium. The room not only sounded open but it felt more open, causing Magnus to take a deep breath of relief.

Even though circumstances have changed, the Institute still felt oppressive and stuffy for the most part. There was too much history, too many bad memories, for him to ever feel truly safe here. And add on a new element thanks to his current situation, his imagination liked to take over and tell him the walls are much closer than they actually were.

Just as quickly, the light became too much. He shut his eyes against the unbearable stinging, squeezing them tight. He tried focusing on the cane and its feedback. He didn’t remember this room being so big before but it seemed to be taking an awfully long time to reach the next hallway.

Suddenly his eyes were filled with bright white lights and movement. The crescent shaped lights that had popped up before burst forth and rippled rapidly across his entire view. Keeping his eyes closed was not an escape. He stopped in his tracks, overwhelmed by the assault.

“Magnus?” Izzy asked. “You okay?”

He nodded. “Just… give me a moment.” He lowered his head in defense and squeezed his eyes tighter, which seemed to only exacerbate the lights.

“Magnus, you’ve gone really pale, what’s going on?” As she observed this a wave of nausea came over him.

“I think I need to sit down for a moment or I’m going to make a very uncomely scene.” She quickly ushered him over to a (mercifully) nearby bench and sat him down. He dropped the cane to the floor and put his head between his knees.

“What’s happening?” she asked with one hand on his back and one on his forehead. “Talk to me.”

“Too much light, I can’t… it won’t stop.” He pushed his palms against his eyes, willing the lights to stop.

“Magnus, I want you to focus on your breathing right now.” Izzy took on her professional tone, soothing but to the point. “Breathe in and out slowly.” She counted each breath out loud for an additional focal point.

As he focused on his breathing, he let the pressure release from his palms until he finally dropped his hands from his eyes. After Izzy reached fifteen the lights tapered off, the movement subsiding. He breathed a long and loud sigh of relief.

“I did not like that at all,” he breathed, lifting his head slowly and leaning back against the bench, almost exhausted from the assault.

“Has this happened before?” Izzy asked quietly after a moment.

“A couple times but no where near that intense,” he admitted.

“Have you told Lydia?”

He shook his head. “They were so fleeting I didn’t think about them afterwards.”

“Good thing we’re on our way to her then.”

“Yeah… good thing.” He pursed his lips slightly in a frown.

“If you think you’re ready we should get going.”

Magnus could tell she was worried, and he shook his head in disbelief.

“Okay, we can wait.”

“No, it’s not that, I’m good to go. I’m just being quite surprised constantly by you young Nephilim. I never thought I would see the day…”

She put a hand on his shoulder and it sounded like she was going to say something but instead squeezed his shoulder.

He reached up and patted her hand before leaning down to pick up his cane.

“Let’s go deliver the good news to dear Doctor Branwell.”

He stood up and stretched his back and shoulders. With the cane in his right hand he held out his left arm for Izzy to take. She quickly snaked her arm around his and took a step but Magnus didn’t move. The silent bubble of tension from before had burst, and Magnus took the opportunity to talk.

“Izzy…,” he started. “He’s… going to be alright.” Magnus wasn’t sure if he was asking a question or making a statement. She tensed up for a split second before responding.

“Of course he will.” She lowered her arm and took his hand in both of hers, not needing to ask who he was talking about. “He just needs time.” She paused. “This was a bigger deal than he expected it to be for him.”

Magnus nodded once. He swallowed at the sudden lump in his throat as his lips pulled tight into a line of grim concern.

“If you could have seen it…” Magnus blinked a couple times, fighting back a tear, remembering the cloud of sadness and despair that had engulfed Alec. He lifted his head to gather himself and almost whispered, “He’s really hurting.”

“Seen what, Magnus? What are you talking about?”

“I promised Alexander I would tell Dr. Branwell about this,” Magnus said, patting her hand, “If you have time to spare, I’ll explain to both of you.”

“Okay,” she said with a question in her voice. She placed her arm in his and they turned the corner.

“Don’t worry, dear, I’m certain all you scientists will find it very fascinating,” Magnus said with a forced smirk. She squeezed his arm in response.

 

Dr. Branwell’s door was already open and Magnus spotted her shadow behind the desk.

“Dr. Branwell, if you have time I need to talk to you about something. Some new developments,” Magnus announced with some grandiosity. His heart may have wanted him to wallow in a corner, but he wasn’t about to let that happen.

“Of course, Mr. Bane, Izzy, please come in.”

“If you could be so kind as to gather Tessa and Catarina, I’m sure they would like to hear this as well.” He sauntered into the room and found a chair across from her. “Isabelle?” He offered her the seat.

She quickly sat down and said “Hey Lydia, we still on for karaoke at Hunter’s Moon tomorrow night?”

“Of course, it’s 80’s this week. You know I can’t resist Billy Idol,” she chuckled.

“Just be warned, I’ve been hearing Jace practising Bon Jovi again.”

“Great...” The doctor said with a groan while tapping at her phone. Magnus found another chair and sat down slowly, feeling more tired than he had all week. He was internally fighting nervousness, hoping his revelations about his new ability to see Alec’s emotions didn’t cause him to become a lab rat. He stifled a sigh as the friends chatted about song choices. He could tell Izzy was trying just like him to keep things light. He couldn’t see her shadow but he could hear in her voice that she was still tense.  
Lydia’s phone interrupted them with several chiming sounds.

“They’ll be here in a couple minutes, Magnus.”

“Great,” Magnus gave a small smile. Remembering his thoughts before he added, “Can we get Ragnor, too?” It had been a few days since he last talked to his friend and found himself missing his council.

“Alright,” Lydia responded as she grabbed her phone.

 

\------

 

Alec wandered.

He had no goal, no destination. He just wandered.

He listened to the people around him and wondered half-heartedly what they were all doing. Where were they going? He followed the sound of someone’s shoes that sounded interesting as they walked past and further down a hallway to his left. Then his ears moved to the sound of clipboards and papers being stacked on a desk on a counter nearby. The sounds of familiar medical jargon comforted for a moment before moving past the pair of discussants. He felt the hallway open up to a larger area and took in a deep breath, enjoying the smell of some spicy tea he didn’t recognise. His mind catalogued the spot as a break-room and moved on.

He kept walking.

He knew he was trying to get away. He had to keep moving, distance himself from the cold stone of disappointment sitting in his chest, even though it wasn’t going to work. He knew it would take time but until then he just had to keep moving. Doing something. Idleness always led to over thinking which easily led to wallowing. Not a place he wanted to be in for long. It was too tempting of a dark place. He fought long and hard as a teenager to fight that personal demon. He wasn’t going to go back now. Not over something he couldn’t change. Something no one could change.

Then why did I even try?

Stopping in his tracks he shook his head quickly to get the ugly question out. He took a few breaths.  
It’s okay. It was okay to try. He would have spent his lifetime wondering if he hadn’t tried. Maybe it had been worth it. Maybe...  
It took him a moment to notice that his fingers were tracing over the new and useless rune. He lowered his head in defeat and fought back some tears.

He forced himself to walk again.

 

“Alec!” He heard someone calling and realized with a small grin where his wandering had taken him. Wiping his eyes quickly, he turned around and knelt down trying not to fall over when small arms wrapped around his neck.

“Hey, Madzie!” He smiled and patted her back. She finally let go and stood back letting him stand up. She had a firm grip on his hand and he wasn’t about to try and get it back. “And how are you today?”

“I’m okay,” she said dramatically to make sure he knew she wasn’t.

“Tell me, Madz.”

She sighed and pulled him towards the open area he knew was close. “Can you tell your brother that it’s my turn with the Wii? He’s been on it forever and it’s not fair.”

Alec smiled softly. It sounded like his brother, alright.

“Max?” He called with a stern voice. “Are you hogging the game again?”

He was given the typical response from his little brother, a noncommittal noise.

“Well, I’ll take that as a yes, then.” He deftly walked around the couch and headed for the TV.

“Wait! Don’t turn it off! Just give me a second to get to a save point, please big brother!” his brother cried with panic.

Works every time, he thought with a smirk.

Alec hovered by the tv with his arms crossed. He heard Madzie huff next to him and knew she was posing just like him.

“Hang on, almost there,” Max said quickly.

“You better be,” Madzie said with authority. Alec fought a smile. She was so different from when she first was brought to the Institute. So quiet and withdrawn, afraid of almost everyone, especially women. She had been found in an upper room of a house by a couple of warlocks who had responded to a demon attack. They had found the demon, along with another warlock, both dead in the basement. Alec hadn’t been informed of what had happened in the house before and Madzie wasn’t talking about it so he decided that it was best to let it be for now.

He had met her when Izzy asked for help. Madzie wouldn’t respond or react to Izzy, Jace or anyone else. So he sat in on sessions as Izzy attempted to connect with her, and when silence filled the room he would start reading a book. She had become interested in the raised bumps on the pages and started asking questions like a flood. He had done his best to not act surprised at her sudden outburst and just answered every one of her questions.

“There, I’m done, you can play now.”

“And?” Alec prodded.

“I’m sorry,” Max mumbled.

“And?”

“And, I promise not to hog it next time. It wouldn’t be so bad if Mom and Dad got me the Switch like I asked.”

“Why not try books? You remember books, right? Or are you just made of zeros and ones?” Alec asked with a laugh.

“Huh?”

“Why don’t you go find a book about computers and then you’ll find out what I’m talking about.”

“No thanks, I’ll stay pleasantly ignorant, thank you very much.” Alec reached over to his brother after he heard him stand up and pulled him in for a hug.

“Don’t let Mom and Dad hear you say that,” he teased. The familiar sound of Madzie’s favorite rhythm game started popping around them.

“Can you move, please,” she asked impatiently. Alec pulled Max over to the side and the video game noises increased. Then he noticed that there were a lot of kids in the play area.

“Why is everyone here? How come you’re not in class? Where’s all the tutors?” The nephilim children were mainly the ones with scheduled classes. Some of the others preferred to get their tutoring one on one.

“It’s all cancelled, some big meeting I guess,” Max said nonchalantly and Alec could just about hear the shrug.

“Meeting? How come I didn’t hear about that?” Alec furrowed his brows in confusion.

“How should I know? I checked out as soon as they said classes were cancelled.”

“I bet you did,” Alec said ruffling his brother’s hair. “You’ve been hanging around Jace too much.”

“That’s cause he knows how to have fun,” Max said matter-of-factly.

“He knows how to get into trouble.”

“Potato, po-tah-to.”

Alec grinned and shook his head.

“So, why are you here? Bored with your boyfriend already?” Max elbowed him in the hip. Alec chuckled and once again marveled at how short his siblings were compared to him. And also massive gossipers.

“Like I said, you’ve been hanging around Jace too much.” They chuckled.

“No, really,” he said more seriously, “what’s going on?”

“I have no idea, Max, but I promise to tell you when I find out.” He furrowed his brows at being uninformed of the meeting. If teachers were even required to be there… He pulled out his phone and popped in an earbud. He forgot he had turned it off before he got back to the Institute that morning. After booting it back up, the semi-robotic voice read out his messages and found several from his parents informing him of the meeting. He bit back curse words considering the company. He pulled the earbud out and shoved them and his phone into his pocket.

“Hey, what’s that?” Max grabbed at Alec’s wrist. “I haven’t seen this one before. What’s it do?”

Alec frowned and said, “Not a damn thing, Max. Not a damn thing.”

 

\-----------

 

The silence was heavy in the room after Magnus explained the new changes in his eyesight. Muscle memory had him looking towards each shadowy shape trying to gauge reactions. He heard a puff of air being released and turned to see the swarming figure of his friend.

“Well… first things first. That was indeed a good reason to pull me from the meeting,” Tessa said diplomatically.

Magnus rolled his eyes and lowered his head towards her.

“Next time I’ll make sure it’s just for a hangnail, dear,” he drolled.

“I don’t doubt that!” she replied. Izzy smothered a laugh.

“Are you two finished?” Catarina asked with a tone Magnus could only assume she used with children. “This is pretty big and we should probably figure this out.”

“So what?” a voice chimed from the speakerphone on Dr. Branwell’s desk. “He can see his boyfriend’s colorful sparkles. Yawn.”

“Ragnor…” Tessa started.

“Fine, it’s nothing like anything I’ve heard of before in my many years. Is that better?”

“Thank you so much for your concern, Ragnor.” Magnus grinned at his friend knowing full well he was just as intrigued as the others.

“I’m more concerned about this episode you had on the way here,” Lydia chimed in. “Has that happened before?”

“No, not to that extreme. I’ve had a couple spots of light flashes here and there. They were so swift I didn’t consider them more than side-effects from the surgery.” He rubbed a finger against his temple. “They didn’t hurt like this did.”

“What kind of pain was it?”

He leaned his head to the side as he thought for a moment.

“It was like… like when you accidentally look straight into the sun and you close your eyes against it but you can still see it. Sharp and you just wish it would stop. However this was more of an overall pain. It wasn’t located in one spot. It was more like an overall pressure.” He rubbed a hand over his right eye and remembered he had put makeup on that morning. He must look a mess right now after everything. He sighed. With a flick of two fingers he removed the smeared makeup. He thought about scolding those around him for not telling him, but then again he knew they were still trying to figure out how to be around him. This was all new to them as well. Either they were close friends who didn’t know how to deal with him being blind or they were new friends who still were learning how to be around him in the first place. He sighed again. No one is ever without problems of their own. He heard them shift around. Chairs creaking, clothes shifting, bracelets touching desks.

“What’s going on? Am I still connected? Why are you all silent.” Ragnor’s acerbic voice rang out in the room.

“Nothing dear, just realized my makeup was smeared and these lovely ladies were leaving me out to dry by not telling me,” Magnus said with a smirk.

“Was it?” Catarina asked with a muffled smile in her voice.

“Please tell me you got that with your mobile camera, Cat.” A beep sounded distantly on the speakerphone. “You are a devious one, Cat, and I am in your debt.”

“With friends like you…” Magnus started.

“Now you know for a fact I would have said it immediately if your face was mussed, if I were there,” Ragnor stated matter-of-factly.

“And in great detail, no doubt.” Magnus scrunched his face in displeasure at the thought.

“But of course.”

Lydia cleared her throat.

“Getting back on track here, Magnus.”

“Yes, let’s.”

“I want to examine your eyes again if I may, to see if any visible changes have occurred.”

“Very well,” Magnus said with a nod.

“Miss Gray, if you could contact those at the Spiral Labyrinth to do further research. Something about the emotions part is ringing familiar somewhere deep in the back my mind.”

“I’ll search myself, I have to return anyway upon request as a result of that meeting.”

“What meeting?” Izzy asked.

“One you, Miss Lightwood, Miss Branwell, and yes, you too Magnus, were supposed to be at.”

“My phone is off right now,” Magnus said as he reached for his.

“Mine too,” Izzy said turning hers on.

“I was in surgery and had just returned to my office when they arrived, I didn’t read the notifications before summoning you.”

Repeated beeping and voices chimed as notifications lit up the phones as they reconnected.

“Why aren’t you here by the way, Ragnor?” Tessa asked.

“I was busy reading and I know Raphael will fill me in if it was anything important. If there’s nothing else, I’d like to get back to my book.”

“Well, Mr. Fell, I’ve heard of your extensive collection and I was wondering if you might do a little research for me to see if there’s any sort of precedent for this change,” Lydia asked politely.

“Of course, I will let you know if I find anything.” He hung up without further comment.

“Well, I’m back to work,” Catarina said standing up. She walked by Magnus and laid a hand on his shoulder. “Call me later.”

“Yes, I need to head out too. I’ll send word as soon as something new is found.” Magnus watched Tessa’s form move across the room. “We’ll get to the bottom of this, Magnus, don’t worry.” She closed the door after her.

“Who’s worried?” he mumbled. He felt Izzy’s hand slide into his and he forced a small smile.

“Let’s get that examination done,” Lydia said. Magnus nodded quickly before feeling her fingers gently opening his eyelids on his left eye. Her breath quiet and short, politely trying not to crowd him. He fought the instincts to squeeze his eyes shut at the intrusion. Izzy’s hand tightened around his and he returned the gesture, grateful for her presence.

“Well, your new lens implants look good, there’s no secondary clouding. Hang on, what’s this?”  
Magnus lifted his brows in confusion and shifted in his seat as he suddenly became completely uncomfortable. He heard a crackling sound and realized it was Lydia’s skin as she activated a rune.

“I just want to get a closer look, there seems to be something…” Her cool fingers pulled his lids further apart. He gripped the arm of the chair tighter. “Honestly this should have been something to be expected,” she said after a moment.

“What should have been expected?” Magnus asked, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

“At first I thought your new lenses looked clear but getting a closer look, it seems as though your magic has infused it in some manner.”

“Infused?” Izzy asked.

“That’s my guess, normally lenses are clear, but these are now the same gold of the irises. Since it’s your warlock mark I’m assuming your magic has bonded with them,” Lydia said as she made her way back to her desk.

“That would make some sense,” Magnus said with a small sigh of relief. It had been a long time since he was truly afraid of his own magic. Learning to trust it and allow it to be a part of him had been the greatest thing he had done for himself when he was young. Well, thanks mostly went to the Silent Brothers for leading him down that path of self discovery. He internally smirked at the absurdity of his surprise at how the Nephilim were caring for him and other Downworlders when the Silent Brothers were so kind to him. They were Shadowhunters themselves once, he scolded himself. A few memories from over the years of Shadowhunters and their callousness, disdain and outright cruelty for those without angelic blood ran across his mind like a silent movie. They always seemed to conveniently forget that some demon blood once used to be just as angelic.

Magnus squeezed his eyes shut and let out a exasperated sigh much louder than he meant.

“I know this is all frustrating, Magnus, but unfortunately we’re all in uncharted waters here,” Lydia offered. “I’d like to run some more tests.” Magnus tensed and Lydia quickly added, “Non-invasive ones, I don’t want to turn you into a lab rat and dissect you, so don’t worry about that.”

“Will any of this,” he waved a hand around, “explain what happened or why I had that awful episode out there?”

“That’s my goal. I have a theory that the flashes may be almost like growing pains as your magic has been taking over the lenses.” Magnus grimaced.

“Now that’s just rude. I was done with growing pains centuries ago and I’d like to never have them again, thank you very much.”

“I think we’re all in that boat,” Izzy said with a chuckle. He smirked at her.

“Until we’re really sure what’s going on, Magnus, I can not emphasize enough the importance of rest. Nothing strenuous at all.”

“At all?” Magnus asked with over exaggerated innocence.

“You heard her,” Izzy said with a laugh. “You need to cool your jets with my brother, he already looks like he lost a battle with an octopus.”

Lydia choked on a laugh and Magnus had the decency to blush despite being completely proud of himself.

“It’s not entirely a one-sided battle, my dear.” He reached up and fluffed the silk scarf around his neck with a sly smile. “I just know how to accessorize.”

“Not something I needed to know,” Izzy said with a groan.

“I’m not the one who brought it up,” Magnus teased.

Lydia cleared her throat, obviously covering up a laugh.

“In all seriousness, Magnus, you really need to take it easy. We don’t want to jeopardize what progress we’ve already made.”

“I agree,” Magnus said with a nod. A crawling sensation started at the base of his neck at the thought of staying at the Institute for an extended period. “However, may I request that after tonight that I stay in my own home. I find it to be a much more relaxing environment.”

“I don’t see why not, you’ve made excellent strides in your training with Alec,” Izzy made an amused noise, “and it seems you have the control of your magic back,” Lydia said, ignoring Izzy and leaning back in her chair. “I would like you to check in regularly. Once a day should be alright unless something changes and I expect to be informed immediately.”

“Of course.”

“Alright, I’d like to do a couple more quick checks and then maybe we should find out what that meeting we all missed was about.”

“Probably a good idea,” Izzy said.

Magnus nodded in agreement, tensing his jaw at both the tests and the meeting. He had been out of the loop with the outside world since he arrived at the Institute and worried he may have missed something important. Best to put out his feelers as soon as he was done here.

 

\-------

 

Alec found his father’s office was crowded with people talking over each other. He frowned at the noise and the thought of having to either wait or push his way through. Thankfully his father had spotted him.

“Alec, good, get in here, we need to talk,” his father’s voice boomed over the din which quickly abated. Alec heard the shuffling of feet as a path was made for him. He stepped forward and tried not to scoff at how much room they had given him. He felt someone touch his elbow as if about to lead him and he moved faster, pulling his arm away. No matter how many years he had been around these people they still felt the urge to coddle him. He didn’t fault them, there just were some people unwilling to adapt and learn and there was nothing he could do but keep on going.

“Father, what’s going on?” Alec asked once he reached the desk.

“News came in this morning from some of the other Institutes of massive casualties caused by a sudden large-scale demon attack.”

“Where? And what do you mean by large-scale?” Alec asked placing his arms behind his back. He worried his fingers on the cuff of his jacket.

“Both the Mexico City and Mumbai Institutes have each reported that a horde of demons came out of nowhere and attacked the institutes and surrounding areas. Nephilim, downworlders and mundanes all suffered losses. Thankfully the Seelie queen was able to dispatch large armies to both locations, otherwise the numbers would have been higher.”

Alec’s brow furrowed in anger and confusion. How could that many demons appear out of nowhere? He remembered Jocelyn and Magnus both talking about demon appearances being on the rise, but this was something else.

“Alec, I know you probably have a lot of questions, believe me so do I, but right now we need to prepare.”  
His father’s voice shook him out of his thoughts and he nodded.

“What do you need me to do?” He heard his father take a deep breath before answering and knew he was not going to like what was about to be said. The poeple around him suddenly left the room, probably prompted by a gesture from his father, closing the door behind them.

“Alexander,” he started. Alec tried holding in his exasperation. His full name only ever used by his parents when bad news was coming. “Your mother and I know you are very capable and we’re very proud of the exeptional work you do with the clients we’ve assigned you. However…”

“You want me out of the way and out from underfoot, I got it,” Alec seethed. He hadn’t worked this hard to just be tossed aside so easily. He had hoped his parents of all people would have faith in him.

“Alec, we’re getting the brunt of those injured from both attacks and things will get extremely hectic here and we just don’t want to complicate things for you.”

“Complicate things? What the hell does that mean?” Alec said gruffly, crossing his arms in front of him. He felt his father’s hand touching his neck where the navigation rune was and he flinched back.

“It could be quite disorienting and could cause problems for you. We’re only concerned for your safety, son. We’re putting the Institute on lockdown and you’ll be expected to stay in your quarters.”

“What?” Alec practically yelled. “I’m not a kid and I know this Institute better than most of the people here.”

“You should be happy that you get to stay here, your mother wanted you to be sent to Alicante.”

“Oh, well, thank you so much for that,” Alec spit sarcastically.

“Alexander, we just can’t handle looking out for you as well as the influx of patients and the potential of a demon attack here. You’re a…” Robert hesitated.

“A what? A liability? A burden? Tell me, father, go on, tell me what you really think,” Alec snapped. He could almost hear his father deflate. Alec had heard enough and turned to leave.

“We just…” his father began.

“Just don’t…” Alec said, half turning back. “And don’t worry, I’ll keep out of the way, wouldn’t want to worry you both.” He let the sarcasm drip off the words. He shook his head in disapoointment and opened the door. He heard people scramble out of his way as he stormed out.  
Alec made his way to a corridor that he knew was usually quiet and leaned against the wall. Letting out a sigh he let his shoulders fall, trying to release some of the tension that had built up.

He had always known his parents were overprotective but had hoped they had let go of some of their lowered expectations. They aparrently had been coddling him in the background all along. He hadn’t missed his father’s comment about how they had picked the clients for him. Like they were only giving him what they thought he could handle. If they didn’t have that much confidence in him then how did he get Magnus as a client? He was too high profile of a person for their apparent lack of faith in him.

Alec ran a hand through his hair and sighed.

“New message from… Izzy” his phone chimed from his pocket. He fished it out, slipped in an earbud and clicked on the notification.

-Alec, Dad just texted me what happened- the robotic voice read. He swiped his finger a couple times to access the text input box.

-Did he tell you that he’s a jerk?- He didn’t have to wait long for a response.

-He didn’t have to. You ok?-

-I’ll be fine.-

Alec didn’t want to go into it fully with Izzy. She still had the same overprotective tendancies as their parents. It wasn’t her fault, they raised her to always watch out for him. He didn’t mind that, he loved his sister. It was just exausting to have everyone around you hover and lead you around. Some other people may enjoy surrendering to the comfort and security of it, but not him. He wanted to prove he could be more than able to take care of himself. He didn’t want to be a burden.

He breathed out a short laugh at that thought. Seems like no matter how hard he worked or succeeded, his parents would always see him as a burden.

It seemed his sister caught on that he didn’t want to talk and changed the subject.

-Magnus is done with Lydia. He’s out front, said he needed another break from the “stuffy old building”-

Alec smiled.

-Thanks, Iz. Wait, I thought the Institute was on lockdown-

-Raj has the door, told him you were meeting Magnus out there for training as per orders from dad.-

-You’re an angel, Iz.-

-I know. ;P-

-Alec, don’t worry too much about dad and his bullshit. I’m here if you need to talk or bitch.-

-Thanks, sis.-

Alec pocketed his phone and headed for the main door.

 

\-------

 

“Hey there. You hungry, yet?”

Magnus jumped at the sudden voice.

“Merlin’s scratchy beard! How long will it take me to get used to people sneaking up on me?”

Alec chuckled and sat down next to him on the bench.

“That depends,” he said, poking a finger into Magnus’ leg.

“On?” He slid his hand against Alec’s and entwined their fingers.

“On how often you’re that deep in thought, because I was not sneaking at all.”

“Then I am doomed,” Magnus said smirking. He leaned into Alec’s shoulder. “How are you?”

“You haven’t answered my question yet,” Alec responded after a moment of hesitation.

“I could eat. How are you?” Magnus said with a smile. Alec bumped him gently with his shoulder.

“I’m… I’ll be fine, Magnus.”

“I know you will.” He could tell Alec was more than capable of bouncing back. He could also tell that now was not the time for talking. “Let’s find something to eat then.” He stood up, picked up his cane with his hand and offered his left elbow to Alec.

“Sounds good.” He slipped his arm into Magnus’. “You don’t really need my help to get around anymore, you know.”

“I know,” Magnus said with a smirk. He pulled Alec closer with his arm and kissed him quickly on the cheek.

“I can’t fault you for that,” Alec said with a chuckle. He felt tension start to ease out of his shoulders and a warmth start to fill his chest. He turned and found Magnus’ face with his free hand, gently pulling him closer by the chin. He planted a soft kiss on Magnus’ lips and smiled when Magnus made the tiniest sound of disapproval when he moved back. He leaned back in and ghosted his lips across Magnus’.

“You know there’s a lot of people who can see us right now,” Alec said quietly, his voice low.

“I can’t see them so I don’t give a shit about them,” Magnus said before smashing their mouths together. Alec suppressed the laughter that tried bubbling up and pressed into the kiss. He ran his fingers along Magnus’ perfectly manicured beard and gently pulled away.

“We should get some food, there’s plenty of time for this later.” On cue, Alec’s stomach rumbled in protest. Magnus sighed dramatically and then giggled.

“Seems, my stomach agrees with you. Raincheck on those lips, Alexander,” Magnus said coyly. Alec chuckled.

“So, what had you in such deep thought out here?” Alec ventured. “How was the meeting with Lydia?” He felt Magnus’ arm tense up. “Hey, it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s okay, I want to tell you, and you’ll know soon enough. But I had a…. an incident on the way to Lydia’s office.”

“Incident? What happened? Are you alright? Is there something I can do?” Alec let the questions bubble out of him, suddenly feeling guilty for not being there for him. For wallowing in his own selfish misery. He rubbed the back of his neck nervously.

“Hey, I’m fine now,” Magnus assured him. “It would have happened even if you were there and Izzy was excellent with me. She did just what you would have done, I’m sure.”

Alec swallowed at the bitter taste at the back of his throat and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

“Alexander, stop this right now. I’m alright. You needed time to yourself and you are allowed that. You, Alexander Lightwood, are allowed these things, and it’s not selfish. Now, let’s get some food and I’ll tell you all about my harrowing ordeal with something no worse than motion sickness, I’m sure.”

“Alright,” Alec said with a half smile. He knew everything Magnus was saying was true and for some reason he needed reminding of it from others. His own mother had tried to get him to take breaks when he was studying with the tutors as a teenager. Izzy was known to go on rants about his lack of vacation time use. Then he had an idea.

“Hey, let’s get out of here.” Alec had no real desire to go back inside just yet, knowing enough people had heard his arguement with his father and didn’t want to interact with any of them. He knew Magnus didn’t really want to go back in either and if they were on lockdown then this was their last chance to go out and about for a while.

“I will not say no to that, shall we head to my place?”

“Maybe later, but first I’m going to take you out on a date,” Alec said quickly before adding, “if you want to that is.”

“I’d be delighted, Alexander,” Magnus said with a smile, pulling him in for another kiss.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date begins!
> 
> Plus training.
> 
> Plus a little lack of chill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, um, hi. So yeah, I'm really sorry that it took me so long to update. I started school in the fall after not being in school for *cough cough* years and it has been difficult to adjust. Plus I've had work in art shows and helped organise one so I've been a lot busier than I expected. I felt guilty almost every day that I didn't work on this story and if you're still with me, thank you so much for your patience. 
> 
> A couple things. Yes! it's their date! However I seem to be drawing it out way more (6k words this one I believe) than I thought so it may take a couple or so chapters to cover the whole thing. I know where I want it to go it's just taking me a bit to get there.  
> I have never been to NYC so I have never experienced their subway system. All I know is from TV and wikipedia. 
> 
> I lost a little bit of chill so my boys are a little extra now. 
> 
> I hope you like it. Thank you for your comments and kudos over this unexpected hiatus. Please be patient with me. I'm hoping to work on this more now that I got the elusive chapter 20 out of me.  
> You can find me on twitter with the same handle @ bekochan or on instagram @ b3kochan.
> 
> <3<3<3
> 
> -UPDATE- Did sometihng I should have done a long time ago, thanks to a helpful comment I have now fixed the format on all of the chapters. Finally there are spaces! I hope that helps with the readability! Let me know if you have more helpful suggestions!

“So, do you have something in mind or are we just winging it?” Magnus asked as they walked away from the Institute. He could think of a million places they could go but he wanted it to be Alec’s choice. It was becoming clear how little time he took just for himself and that just wouldn’t do.

“Um,” Alec thought for a second and paused his steps. “Yeah, there’s this place I’ve wanted to check out for a while but…” he trailed off, seemingly unsure of himself.

“What is it, Alexander?” Magnus prodded. “I’m game for anything.”

“Well…, “ Alec started, “let me check something first.” He slid his arm out of Magnus’ and grabbed his phone. Magnus let the rapid robotic voice whirl around him as he shook his head lightly. He still had the voice on his phone at a slower pace than regular speech. It was going to be a long time before he could understand anything at the speed Alec’s phone was set at. He quashed a feeling of self-pity that tried to well up at the thought of being this way for a long time. Now was not the time. He’d been doing that for a few hours already. Now he just wanted to make sure Alec had some proper time off. Even if it was just for the evening.

“Great!” Alec exclaimed after a few moments. “Looks like we shouldn’t have a problem.” He reached over and grabbed Magnus’ hand. “Let’s go,” he said with a smile.

“Yes, let’s. Is it far?” Magnus asked with a tiny pang of worry. He tried to keep some focus on the sound the cane tip-tapped out in front of him. It was hard keeping the sound isolated from the traffic noises around them. Anytime a loud or large vehicle drove by it threatened to take over all of his senses. The thought of doing this for any distance was not exactly something Magnus looked forward to, and to be honest it was making him a little jumpy. He felt a gentle squeeze from Alec’s hand when he was startled by the sound of a motorcycle revving near them.

“Not too far,” Alec assured. “The subway stop is just around the next corner.”

“The what?!” Magnus squeaked in horror. “No, Alec, that’s too much. I don’t think I can do that. What’s wrong with a taxi or how about I whip up a good ol’ portal?” Magnus knew he was rambling in a panicked tone but he didn’t care. The thought of being in such a loud and enclosed space with too many people was making him slightly nauseous.

“Magnus,” Alec said with a soft voice, “ I know you can do this. I won’t lie, it will be scary, hell, I’m scared...”

“Great, then it’s agreed,” Magnus interrupted. “I’ll just portal us there.” He leaned  
his cane into the crook of his shoulder so he could free his right hand to start gathering the energy.

“Magnus, Magnus, wait,” Alec said quickly, grabbing Magnus’ shoulders and gently turning to face him. He slid his hands down to Magnus’ and laced their fingers together. “First of all, we’re in the open which means there’s a slight possibility there might be sighted mundanes around,” Alec rationalized.

“I guess we do have to consider that possibility, unlikely as it may be,” Magnus said with a little laugh.

Alec chuckled and continued, “Right. And second of all, have you been to this place yet?”

“Alexander, I may be an all powerful warlock, but mind-reading is hardly in my wheelhouse,” Magnus said cheekily.

“That’s too bad,” Alec responded with mischief in his voice. He stood closer to Magnus and said quietly, “You might like what I’m thinking right now.”

“What fun would it be just knowing what you’re thinking when you can show me later,” Magnus grinned. He leaned in to plant a chaste kiss on Alec’s cheek but Alec moved, their lips meeting and they melted into a heated kiss. Alec wrapped an arm around Magnus’ back pulling him closer. The sun had started to lower behind the buildings but the concrete and brick surrounding them retained much of the day’s heat and radiated it back to them. Yet somehow a shiver ran across Magnus’ flesh, goosebumps chasing the sensations. He felt Alec sigh against his mouth and a tiny spark of magic crackled from Magnus’ fingertips. Magnus quickly pulled away, worried. “I believe you said something about us being out in the open.”

“Yeah, I guess I did,” Alec said sheepishly. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, I’m not complaining in the slightest,” Magnus said smugly, noting the dark reds and purples that swirled around Alec’s silhouette like smoke.

“Good,” Alec said in a low voice.

“Apparently you have a certain effect on me,” Magnus said chidingly, running a hand down Alec’s cheek. He ran his thumb across Alec’s bottom lip and smiled when he felt more than heard Alec’s short intake of breath at the touch. Magnus shook his head to stop the track his mind wandered down and pulled his hand away. “Where were we again?”

“Right,” Alec said clearing his throat before rattling off an address. “Been there before?”  
Magnus blinked in surprise. “Actually, no. Thought I’d been all over New York but apparently not.” Magnus sighed. “You have me at a loss, Alexander, not something that happens very often.”

“Lucky me,” Alec said with a smirk. “The subway it is.”

Magnus gulped back at the tiny panic that tried to rear back up again.

“You may be used to all of this, Alexander, and this may seem easy to you but I’m not exactly confident about this,” Magnus’ voice betraying him by shaking. He let out a small laugh to hide the extent of his fear.

“Magnus,” Alec said, squeezing his hand. “I’m not used to this, I’m actually terrified. I’ve never been on the subway.”

“What?!” Magnus cried, just now noticing the sharp lines of light in sickly greens  
that had taken the place of the earlier lustful colors.

“My parents would have heart attacks if they knew what I was doing right now.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Mom doesn’t like me leaving the Institute without a fully sighted escort. Izzy and Tessa had to really work their magic, so to speak, on her when I went to your place.”

“Well, I must remember to thank them profusely.”

Alec chuckled.

“Shall we?”

“But,” Magnus held tight to Alec’s hands. His own body freezing to the spot in some sort of self-preservation, panic bubbling up into his chest. He felt his lungs straining to catch a breath. “How? I mean, are we to just blunder around down there and hope that someone will have pity on us and show us the way? Is that before we’re crushed by the amount of people or after we become hopelessly lost and fall onto the track and the train has crushed us or when…”

“Magnus, breathe.” Alec said gently, putting his hands on the sides of Magnus’ face. “Breathe. Let’s talk this through.” He felt Magnus force some breaths and nod slightly. “Okay. We follow noise and air flow to find the entrance doors, right?” Magnus nodded again. ”We’re good with opening doors, right?”

“Of course, Alec, but..”

“Alright, we’re good with doors. Now, we both know how to navigate stairs, right?” Another nod. “Good. Now we know how to use our phones that tell us directions and tell us which platforms we need to be on, right?”

“If you say so,” Magnus shrugged, his breathing starting to even out.

“Also, we’re kind of lucky because the stop we’re going to is accessible so there will be braille signs to help us.”

“Please tell me you know braille,” Magnus asked desperately.

“Yes, of course. Begged for a tutor when I found out it existed. I could teach you, if you’d like.”

“Maybe someday, Alexander. I’m still trying to put one foot in front of the other, here.” Magnus felt a little lighter, the panic slowly going away. Alec’s voice was soothing and full of confidence. He watched in awe as the sickly greens turned to a calm fog of soft blues. “How do you do that?”

“What? Read braille?”

“No, sounding so confident and calming.”

“A lot of practice and knowing that just because something is scary at first, doesn’t mean it will be the second time.” Alec shrugged, sliding his hands down to Magnus’ shoulders. “I know you can do this, Magnus.”

Magnus sighed, hesitating to answer.

“Remember, we can take all the time we need. Just because other people may rush, doesn’t mean we have to, we can take it nice and slow.”

“Alright… Just…” Magnus started.

“Just what?”

“I’m very old, Alexander, I’ve been through a lot of things so I feel rather silly to ask for this.”

“Okay…” Alec said with a curious tone.

“Just… don’t let go of my hand,” Magnus managed to get the words out quickly. He ignored the sudden warmth on his cheeks and paid attention to Alec’s hands wrapping around his.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Alec said softly. Magnus smiled as he felt Alec’s lips on his cheek. He let go of Magnus’ right hand slowly. Magnus grinned and felt his face get warmer as he re-positioned the cane to a more useful pose.

“Think of it as Adventure Time - Date Edition,” Alec said brightly.

Magnus laughed, “I see you’re up on the Mundane references, however I wouldn’t call this an adventure, more like a walk through a haunted house.” Alec chuckled while Magnus continued, “You want an adventure, then you should come to Peru with me some time. I think I should be allowed back into the country by now.”

“I’d like to hear that story some time.”

“Someday, dear Alexander, I need to keep some things mysterious about me. Plus, it’s stor-ies. Plural.”

“Oh… should I be worried?” Alec asked playfully.

“Shall we?” Magnus said as if he hadn’t heard the question, started walking again, and pulled Alec along with him. “Just around the corner you say?”

“Yeah, and nice dodge, but I won’t forget there are Peru stories.”

“Peru, Italy, France, I have many stories, Alexander; if we make it through this maybe I’ll tell you some of them.”

“Then be prepared to spill, because we’ll be fine,” Alec said with a laugh. Their bantering continuing as they turned the corner. The wind whipped into their faces and Alec chuckled when Magnus automatically lifted his hand to his hair, taking Alec’s hand with him.

“Sorry, it’s a habit,” Magnus said, feeling slightly embarrassed. “Shouldn’t be so worried anymore I guess…”

“Nothing wrong with wanting to look good,” Alec said lightly. “My sister would say that’s rich coming from me, of course.”

“I probably will be saving lots of money on beauty products now,” Magnus said making a mental list of all the items he uses in one day. Used, he corrected himself.

“You know, you really don’t have to give up on any of your grooming habits.”

“Why bother,” Magnus said with a whine he hadn’t meant to vocalize.

“Does it make you feel good?”

“Um… yes?”

“Then that’s all that matters,” Alec said with a shrug.

“How did you get so wise?” Magnus said with a shake of his head.

“I wouldn’t call it wisdom, just common sense, and unfortunately a lot of experience with people in your position.”

A silent moment passed between them, punctuated by the cane tapping in rhythm with their footsteps. Magnus took a tentative breath.

“That must be tough.”

“It can be,” Alec said quietly, “but I love helping people, seeing them adapt, seeing them learn. People are more resilient than they think.”

“Doesn’t it bother you, to be reminded of what happened to you?” Magnus asked, hoping it wouldn’t offend Alec.

“I don’t want to spend my life being miserable, despite what certain people think. What happened, happened. I get to live my life the way I want, and I want to help others, especially anyone like me. It may be hard to do at times, but name one person who it hasn’t been for at least once or twice in their lives.”

“Gwyneth Paltrow?”

“Yeah, and look how normal she is!” Alec said laughing. Magnus smiled, letting the soothing sound of Alec’s voice surround him. The more he learned about the man, the more he admired him. He glanced up at the aura around Alec and stifled a laugh.

“What?” Alec asked.

“You are very cute when you laugh.”

“Oh?”

“Yes, adorable even,” Magnus said with a chuckle. “Little bubbles of white and green pop and fizzle around you.”

“Green?”

“Yes, like a shamrock. A cheerful green,” Magnus said with a nod. “And it’s adorable on you.”

“If you say so,” Alec chuckled, despite himself.

“Oh, I do say so.” Magnus pulled him in and planted a kiss on his cheek.

“Good job, by the way,” Alec said with a smirk.

“Why thank you, I do give great cheek smooches. Books have been written, songs have been sung.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Alec said with a laugh. “However, I meant navigating the stairs.”

“Wha…” Magnus started.

“Now to find our train.” Alec stopped for a moment to work his phone to double check the info he had found earlier. “Alright, the internet says it’s to our left.”

“Oh, we’re just trusting everything on the internet now?”

Alec pursed his lips at the slight sound of trepidation in Magnus’ voice. Magnus’ steps were getting stilted just a little from hesitation.

“It’ll be okay, you’re doing great,” Alec reassured. He squeezed Magnus’ hand and gently led him towards their train. Magnus took a deep breath and matched his speed. Alec half-smiled, he was so proud of everything Magnus was doing. He’d like to think it was his own doing as a counselor but it was clear Magnus was someone who kept moving forward no matter the obstacle.

“How far do we have to go?”

“Can you hear where the train sounds are coming from?” Alec asked, knowing that focusing on a specific task can alleviate some anxieties from the big picture.

“Somewhere to the right?” Magnus asked, unsure.

“Anything else over there you might hear?” He waited while Magnus listened. He remembered how hard it was to sift through the cacophony of sounds surrounding him at first. Most people instinctively learn how to scan with their eyes to find what they need, his old mundane instructor had said to him and the other students, now it’s time to work on those left behind ears and teach them a thing or two. Alec had been so happy when Jace finally let go of the misconception that his hearing sense was going to be heightened; being called Daredevil all the time got pretty old and annoying quick.

“Some sort of mechanical thing? There’s a continuous hum…”

“Sound familiar?” Alec prodded.

“I thought we were going on a date? Pretty sneaky turning it into a lesson,” Magnus pouted.

“Hey, can’t pass up a good teaching moment,” Alec shrugged. He smirked as he heard Magnus huff in mock frustration. He squeezed his hand and asked, “So, what is it?”

“I don’t know Alexander,” Magnus said with exasperation. “It could be a million things.”

“How about some incentive?” He moved to stand in front of Magnus, facing him, his free hand sliding slowly up Magnus’ right arm. Alec grinned as he could feel the goosebumps on Magnus’ (insanely delicious) muscles under his shirt sleeve. The air was only slightly cooler than outside but not enough to warrant a chill. Alec was glad he wasn’t the only one affected as easily.

“Depends on what that would be,” Magnus said, trying to sound nonchalant but failing miserably.

“For each thing you figure out,” Alec said, his voice lowering as he moved in closer. He let his lips brush against Magnus’ cheek before saying in a voice just above a whisper, “I’ll kiss you very publicly and so intensely it will make your toes curl.”

“A.. Alexander,” Magnus stuttered breathily before he seemed to pull himself together enough to let out a small giggle. “That’s very good incentive, but I think we already did that outside the station not too long ago.”

“Well, if you don’t want to, we don’t have…”Alec started and stepped back.

“Wait!” Magnus said quickly, his hand tight on Alec’s. “That’s not what I’m implying at all, get those lips ready mister.”

Alec chuckled. “Alright, so what’s that hum then?” He raised his eyebrows waiting for an answer and desperately hoping Magnus got it right.

“The trains are further away than the humming,” he pulled Alec closer, wrapping his hand with the cane around Alec’s back. “And all the people are walking that way but suddenly stopping so I’m going to assume it’s an escalator.”

Alec smiled, deciding to let Magnus wonder for just a moment if he was right or not. He didn’t care that Magnus could probably see the answer in his “aura”.

“Well, Alexander? Did I get it right?”

Alec took in a breath, he could tell Magnus had his chin pointing up to him in anticipation and he couldn’t tease him any more. He leaned his head down to catch Magnus’ lips with his own. He let his fingers trail up Magnus’ neck to the side of his face feeling his skin warming from a flush. He slid them back into Magnus’ hair and pulled him closer. Their lips sliding over each other’s as Alec pressed the tip of his tongue against Magnus’ lips, tasting his lipstick. He worried for a split second that he was ruining Magnus’ makeup but let that thought go just as quickly as it appeared. All coherent thought was destroyed by the small sound Magnus made as he let Alec’s tongue slip inside. Gripping at the small hairs at the nape of his neck Alec explored Magnus’ mouth; wrapping around Magnus’ tongue with his own, savoring the taste and warmth. He pulled back a little to take in Magnus’ bottom lip, giving it a quick bite before sucking on it gently. He held back the smile that ached at his lips when Magnus made the needy sound he knew would be the result. He let go of of the slightly swollen lip and dove back in, their tongues gliding together; Magnus tightened his grip around them pulling their chests closer.

Alec realised that things were getting a little out of hand and they should probably stop. His mind was just seconds away from stopping completely and he started to feel Magnus’ warm magic start to spark against his back. He ended their heated kiss with one last lingering tug on Magnus’ lip before letting go.

He took a few deep breaths to regulate his breathing and relished the ragged breaths coming from Magnus.

“That was correct,” Alec said with a giant smirk.

“Consider my toes curled,” Magnus said breathlessly.

As Alec was about to respond they were interrupted by giggling and a couple wolf whistles from people nearby.

Alec suppressed a grin and felt his face go what was most likely an intense shade of red. He started walking towards the escalator bringing Magnus along, their hands still together as promised. Magnus laughed as he tried to catch up to Alec’s long strides.

“You did mention very public, my dear,” Magnus teased.

“I did, didn’t I?” Alec side with a sideways smile, “Guess I didn’t think people would gawk.”

“Darling, a nun would be questioning her life choices after witnessing that kiss.”

Alec let out an embarrassingly loud bark of a laugh.

“Let’s… just find that escalator,” Alec said, feeling his cheeks warming up more and he wondered if there was a shade more red than red and if he was reaching it. Oh god, he thought, what do I look like to Magnus right now? He’ll never be able to hide any feelings from Magnus now. He’ll be worse than an open book. He tried to push the thoughts out of his head in case it was showing on his aura.

They reached the escalator and Alec busied his mind by talking Magnus through it, how to use his cane to find the transition between the edge and the moving step. How to keep it on the step below so you can know in advance that you’re reaching the bottom.

Moving quickly off to the side to open the path for the people behind them, Alec heard Magnus breathing a sigh of relief.

“It wasn’t that bad was it?”

“Not terrible,” Magnus said, “but not great either.”

“Yeah, I’ll agree with that,” Alec said with a laugh. “It seemed pretty easy in the training videos I watched and the manuals I’ve read.”

“Did we just have a first together, Alexander?” Magnus asked with a sly voice.

“Yep. I can’t think of anyone else I’d want to share my first with,” Alec chuckled, lifting Magnus’ hand to his lips and planting a kiss on his knuckles.

“Well, ‘not terrible but not great’ probably sums up most people’s first time so I think we’re right on track,” Magnus said with a small giggle.

Alec laughed and pulled Magnus closer to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“I swear you are the king of innuendo,” Alec said with a shake of his head, a huge grin on his face.

“Hmmm, King…” Magnus mused. “I like the sound of that.”

“Maybe I should take that back, don’t mean for it to go to your head.”

“Didn’t sound like you had any problems with my head the other day,” Magnus said nonchalantly.

“Won’t argue with that,” Alec agreed nodding and lifting his eyebrows at the memory of Magnus’ lips and the magic they did. “No complaints at all.”

“Good. Now let’s find that train before I really just portal us back to my bedroom.”

 

Magnus smiled at the noise of Alec’s laugh. He enjoyed making Alec laugh and planned on doing it more often. It seemed to do both of them good. Alec’s laughter was contagious and soothed his anxieties as they were navigating the train station. The banter was a good distraction as they searched for the signs with braille. A few people had offered to help but Alec would say that they were training and needed to find it themselves but thank you very much. Alec was quick with a squeeze of the hand or a soft word of reassurance before Magnus even realized he needed it.

They finally made their way to the platform they needed and then waited. The voice over the speaker announcing their train would be coming next.

Magnus felt his breathing get faster as he heard the train coming. His anxiety levels reaching high at the thought of having to find the doors quickly and board before the doors close on them.

“Hey,” Alec said softly next to him. “We’ve got this. You and me, we’ve got this.”

“Yeah,” Magnus said shakily. “Sure.”

“We’ve both been on trains before, right?”

“Yes.”

“What do we know about getting on one?”

“You have to do it quickly or the doors will crush you,” Magnus said nervously. “There’s a ridiculous gap in front of the train door.”

“Your cane will find the gap so you’ll be able to avoid anything going wrong there,” Alec explained gently, his thumb rubbed on Magnus’ hand.

Magnus tried to focus on that touch as well as Alec’s voice as the air whipped around them as the train arrived at the station.

“What about the crushing door?”

“Don’t be slow?” Alec offered.

Magnus let out a laugh at the unexpected answer. He was about to answer when he heard the doors of the train open near them.

“Ready?”

Magnus took a quick breath and moved towards the door. His cane found the gap in front of the train (okay it wasn’t that big of a gap) and then the space the open door created. He quickly stepped onto the train with Alec beside him. He could hear people shuffle around him but he didn’t bump into anyone. It didn’t sound crowded, thankfully, and let his cane find a spot where they could stand. He found a free metal pole and grasped it as best he could while still holding onto his cane. There were a few more moments before the doors closed behind them.

Magnus sighed heavily with relief.

“See, I knew you could do it,” Alec said proudly. Magnus laughed in response, shaking his head. “I’m not joking, Magnus.”

“I know you’re not, Alec, I just am constantly surprised by your confidence in me when I have so little right now.” The train started moving and Magnus nearly lost his footing. Alec let go of his hand and snaked his arm around Magnus’ waist.

“How could I not have confidence in you? You keep proving you can do anything I throw at you. Anything the world throws at you.” Alec’s voice was close to Magnus’ ear and he could feel the movement of his breath. “You keep amazing me with your perseverance and determination.”

“Yes, this ball of anxiety I have become is definitely something to be admired,” Magnus scoffed. His brows knitted together as he frowned in distaste at his inability to control his emotions. He had spent so many lifetimes honing his control, or at least he thought he had. Life keeps sending things to challenge that belief.

“The fact you keep going while feeling like a ball of anxiety is what is amazing.” Alec leaned his forehead against Magnus’ temple. “You are so much stronger than you believe. So many people give up when obstacles are thrown at them. You toss the obstacles to the side and stride through with your beautiful head held high.”

“You just don’t give up do you?” Magnus felt slightly overwhelmed by the praise, Alexander's words tumbling over in his mind.

“That’s exactly what I was just going to say,” Alec said smugly.

“Flattery is my kryptonite I must admit, Alexander,” Magnus said with a giggle. His anxieties were almost completely unwound in his chest. Magnus knew that he would be able to do this himself if he had to but having someone by his side made everything so much easier. Having someone he didn’t feel the need to have a facade up around. Alec had already seen him undone (in more ways than one, he smirked to himself) and he was still there.

“Good to know,” Alec said, the smile heard in his voice.

“Use your new power wisely, young man,” Magnus said with mock warning. Alec chuckled and nuzzled his nose against the side of Magnus’ face before brushing his lips against his ear.

“But what if I really, really, need something from you,” Alec said with a low and rough voice, accentuating each ‘really’ with tiny nips on Magnus’ ear lobe. Electricity shot through Magnus’ nervous system causing him to shiver. Before he had a chance to respond they heard an over emphasized clearing of the throat from someone in the seat next to them. They laughed and Alec mumbled an apology. Magnus fought a pout as Alec pulled away a little from him. At least his arm was still around his waist.

“So, how many more stops?” Magnus decided the train was probably not a good place to jump Alec’s bones so he figured he had better change the subject quickly.

“Umm, let’s see what they call next.” Alec said, his hand making its way under the hem of Magnus’ shirt and resting on his skin, fingertips moving languidly, causing goosebumps. Alec was not making this easy, Magnus was sure he would lose his resolve quite soon. A small crackle of magic followed the line Alec’s thumb made, small enough someone might think it was just a little static electricity. Alec made a low sound that Magnus swore was a chuckle. Finally the garbled voice came over the intercom announcing the next station.

“Should be the one after this one,” Alec said after clearing his throat. Magnus smirked at the roughness in Alec’s voice.

“You aren’t regretting going out instead of staying in, are you darling?” Magnus teased.

“I don’t know, I’m quite enjoying riling you up,” Alec replied smugly.

“Oh, you are, are you?” Magnus raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips in amusement, a little rattled from Alec’s bluntness.

Alec’s mouth was suddenly at his ear, whispering, “Yeah, and you’re loving every second.” Magnus practically choked on his own stuttered breath trying to keep any sounds that tried to escape. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to ignore the effects that husky voice had on him.

“Alexander…” Magnus managed to say after a moment. Alec chuckled proudly.

The intercom crackled loudly before the garbled voice announced their stop.

“Looks like we’re getting off soon,” Alec said without an ounce of teasing in his voice. Magnus blinked with mild surprise then started laughing. Alec had missed the obvious innuendo and Magnus found it nothing but endearing.

“What?”

“Nothing, just surprised you missed such a great opportunity.”

“Wh..?”

Magnus smirked as he waited for Alec to realize what he said.

“Ahhh….” Alec said with a groan then he laughed softly. “Sorry, Magnus, can’t be smooth all the time, I guess.”

“I forgive you this time.”

“Gee, thanks.” Alec pulled Magnus closer to his side as the train came to a stop. Magnus held his balance just fine but he wasn’t about to stop Alec.

The doors opened in front of them and they swiftly made their way out, Alec’s arm sliding away from his waist and entangling their hands together. Magnus’ cane was suddenly pulled to one side, almost wrenching itself out of his hand. A deep voice cursed loudly and then mumbled an apology while feet scuffed quickly out of the way, freeing the cane. They moved away from the rush of people and Magnus let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“You did great, Magnus,” Alec said which was met with a noise of disagreement. “You really did. You recovered well after that guy tripped on your cane.”

“And I thought I was blind,” Magnus scoffed, “I hope he learned to use what he has and pay attention when he’s walking…”

“That’s one thing that you’ll have to get used to in a world made for the sighted,” Alec said with a sigh.

“Jerks?”

“The sighted,” Alec said with a small laugh. “So, yeah, jerks.” Magnus smiled and shook his head.

“I guess, I did do alright. I did start to panic when I thought I was going to lose the cane, but I managed to keep my grip.”

“See? And then you corrected your course and were no worse for wear.”

“So it would seem,” Magnus said with a proud smile. This whole adventure out into the world wasn’t exactly easy but it wasn’t turning out to be as horrible as he expected. It didn’t hurt he had such a tall, strong and absolutely thrilling companion by his side. “I guess all your positive reinforcement has really worked.” Magnus smirked and grazed his thumb along Alec’s hand.

“Has it now?” Alec asked playfully.

“Oh yes, however I do feel the effects fading.”

“Really?” Alec said with mock belief.

“Just a smidge,” Magnus said woefully.

“Well, we can’t have that, now can we?” Alec’s hand moved lightly up Magnus’ arm, then shoulder before resting on his neck. His fingers acting as a guide as they were soon replaced by lips. Alec peppered soft and slow kisses up his neck before finding a spot to gently suck.

Magnus fought the urge to roll his eyes to the back of his head, not wanting to get too carried away. He failed to keep his voice under control and a very embarrassingly needy sound escaped.

 

Alec smiled against Magnus’ neck, his skin warm and smooth beneath his lips. The smell of sandalwood, citrus and Magnus wrapping itself around him. He moved to a different spot and nipped tenderly before biting a little harder, tasting his skin with his tongue. Another of Alec’s favorite sounds came out of Magnus’ mouth and he nearly lost it. He hummed against Magnus’ neck trying to pull himself together.

“Better?” He said after taking a couple deep breaths and reluctantly pulling away from Magnus.

“Much…” Magnus sounded like he was giddy. Alec moved his hand from Magnus’ neck to his cheek and felt the smile he suspected would be there. He was pretty sure he had the same goofy grin on his own face. He reached down and wrapped his hand in Magnus’.

“Let’s go then,” Alec said, pulling Magnus’ hand up to plant a kiss on the back. “As much as I’m enjoying teasing you I actually want to have enough time where we’re going.” They started heading for the exit, the sound of people and the air currents guiding their way.

“Oh, alright,” Magnus said with a fake huff, “I guess you’ll just have to make it up to me later.”

“Don’t you worry, I have plans for that too.”

“No fair, you can not say something like that and expect me to not struggle for the rest of the evening until I get you alone.”

“We all have our problems, Magnus,” Alec said with a laugh. “Imagine how difficult it is for me, I know the plans!” Magnus bit back any remark as they came to the escalator so he could focus on it. As they reached the top he felt Magnus tense up but he moved quickly off of it and relaxed right away.

“Not as bad that time, huh?”

“No, not too bad,” Magnus agreed. “I, however, hope you’ll be alright if we portal back to my place at the end of the night?”

“That’s fair, you’ve done a lot of great work with your orientation training.”

“This has nothing to do with training, Alexander,” Magnus said suggestively.

“Ah, good point,” Alec said with a smirk. “I like this plan.”

“Good, I thought you wouldn’t mind.”

They continued teasing each other as they exited the station, Magnus making an over dramatic joke about fresh air. Alec laughed and turned them in the right direction.

“Should be on the next block, according to the map it’s the second building from the corner.” Alec pulled out his phone and went to check again but saw there was a text and missing phone call both from Izzy. He texted back quickly to ease her worry.

“Oh my god…” Magnus cried.

“What?! What’s wrong?” Alec asked, shoving his phone into his pocket, wondering what could have happened in one minute.

“I have a sneaking suspicion that we are not going to a restaurant as I pretty much know them all in the city.”

“True...” Alec said tentatively.

“I smell hot dogs.”

“Oh god, I forgot, I timed this date wrong,” Alec said quickly, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“Nothing to worry over if we get those hot dogs right now.”

Alec laughed and led him towards the smell that was quickly followed by the sounds of a food truck. They grabbed some food and asked for directions to the nearest bench. Finding it themselves after the vendor gave them the typical ‘over there’ directions, they sat down and ate.

“Oh, thank the gods for processed meat,” Magnus said once he was done.

“They were not that great, Magnus.” Alec said, rolling his eyes.

“It was quick and available, since someone won’t let me use my magic outdoors in public. Otherwise we could have had some Michelin star meals in our bellies instead.”

“Hey, I was only suggesting that maybe the Mundanes might freak out a little if you use your magic in front of them.” Alec wiped his mouth with the tiny napkin and threw his garbage in the trashcan next to the bench. He reached over to take Magnus’ trash.

“Want to know a secret?” Magnus asked.

“Sure.”

“Sometimes I just like a plain old street vendor hot dog.”

“Not a thing wrong with that,” Alec said with a smile. He took Magnus’s hand and stood up gently tugging. “Let’s go, we’re almost there.”

“I really wish you would just tell me where we’re going so I can mentally prepare at least a little.”

“I suppose that’s fair, I’ve been wanting to go here since I found out about it a few years ago. My father was against it when I mentioned it in passing once. I’ve watched every video they make there, wishing I could be there.” Alec’s fingers started to buzz in anticipation. He had imagined what it would feel like and now he was going to find out for real.

“Now I am even more intrigued,” Magnus said genuinely. “Sounds very important to you.”

“It is, they have a program and system up specifically for people who are blind or have other disabilities. Even if it doesn’t turn out like I imagine, I want to try at least. ”

“Try what, Alexander?”

“Archery.”


End file.
